AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

Almost a perfect ending to the sorry tale! Let’s hope the tutor/student was doing the same syllabus/ same exam board and kept all his notes, because it doesn’t sound as though either the tutor/student or the OPs child have the foggiest idea what they are doing.

Your kid can only revise what he bothers to learn & not making notes in class because he's decided his teacher isn't good is your kid refusing to learn, as evidenced by him not even retaining the topic of his most recent lessons. All the flashcards, mindmaps & quizzes in the world can't fix the fact that you & your kid want people to magically insert knowledge into his head while he resists doing any actual learning. That's not revision, he has to make the effort to learn something before he can revise it.

Right this makes more sense -
working reception is not the same as understanding the nuance of the education system especially during thr exam years -
the tutor is not rude -
it’s more that you want to hear what you want want to hear
other than you and ‘your friend’ everyone - here, your DH, the tutor are all saying the same thing!!!!!

I just don't see why history has to be treated like some impossible subject when surely if someone knows how to revise efficiently then it's a level playing field.

It's not an impossible subject, but it's very tough to grasp history unless you have an idea of how trends and events interact. I don't think flashcards and quizzes would promote such understanding, because they'd just give dates and events.

I love history, but I'd be pushed to give the dates of the Cold War, despite being ancient and having lived through most of it. But I know that it must have started in the early years following WW2 and would have ended with the break up of the Soviet Union in 1991.

I'm far from convinced that it's the right subject for your son if he hasn't got the instinct or interest for it.

My children have done History GSCE (9's), are doing/have done History A Level (A*),and one is doing a History degree. It is a lot of work , and that is IF YOU LOVE IT and HAVE AN APTITUDE FOR IT. Respectfully OP, your son appears to have neither based on what he you have said.

Can get the grade up from a 2/3 to a 4/5 by next summer? Yes - with a heck of a lot of work, but as he has't been taking notes etc, then really, it's going to be an uphill struggle. Certainly no likelihood of A Level. My younger child is finding the jump from GCSE to A Level History hard - and he got a 9!

Cricket and downtime ? No chance. IF he was on track , then yes, certainly. However based on what you are saying he is absolutely not and downtime & cricket are going to be a luxury.

OP please read the posts from me and others who know from experience how hard A' Level History is. It is hard to explain just how different and more challenging it is compared to GCSE. Your son isn't going to be able to do it, and your continuing fixation on it is setting him up to fail.

Ive been following your comments on this thread - but not everyone else’s.

In terms of the way the tutor is handling communication with you - it doesn’t sound like the best currently with tone and temperament being poor. However, what he is actually saying regards to the issues seems to be accurate - there are huge gaps in both subject knowledge and skills required at the current time.

It very much sounds though as if you haven’t found the right tutor for you or your son to have a good working relationship with moving forward.

Yes he’s offered extra sessions ( at a price ) but will these make a difference long term - and it also sounds like it really isn’t a great idea for history to be one of his subjects at A level given the current struggles.

I think you have decisions to make for the next little while

1. review current thoughts about a level subjects
2. decide whether continuing tutoring is going to be worthwhile longer term
3. if so decide whether the tutor you are currently employing is the right fit for you and your son.
4. would face to face tutoring work better for your son rather than online ?
5. how much commitment you want to make to your sons history gcse in terms of time and money - what sacrifices would you and he need to make to make it work.
6. is your son really into increasing his history grade or is it all lip service to keep you happy.

good luck as you decide how to move forward !

Exactly this. I’d stop wasting money and stress on a GCSE he’s going to fail, and focus efforts on the really important ones. What are his other predictions?

Wow. His teacher advised against taking history. His tutor has advised that your son is not really suited to the course. Your son can't tell the cold war from his arse. He was late for his first session. You acknowledge he's "not very good at it". And the tutor is at fault? Fucks sake!!!!!!!!

You've got the truth OP. I really don't understand why your ds has no notes? Knowing how schools work I really think it will be down to his can't be arsedness. The choice is clear put the history first if he wants a decent grade and the chance to do it at A level and take the extra sessions, even if it meabs givibg up his cricket until after gcses.

I think if he wants to go to sixth form/college and doing A Levels, you’d be better off getting a tutor for the subjects he’s doing best at. At the moment, he isn’t a good A Level candidate for any subject. You’d be better off focussing on his best subjects. Talk to the school see what they think. Maybe he could drop history completely.

Well it doesn’t mean that they are a tutor either! Fine if this person has covered the exact same curriculum from the exact same exam board and still has all their notes and resources. But if they haven’t covered the exact same curriculum then their knowledge will be very limited, they won’t have access to resources in the same way as a qualified and experienced teacher. They will be scrabbling around trying to find/cover/present/discuss/ review/assess material that is unfamiliar. For some subjects this wouldn’t really make a difference, but for History, where the emphasis is on comparison, discussion and analysis it is vital that the tutor has an overview and understanding of the period and the events and is able to challenge the student, present arguments for the student to analyse , to set the topic in a wider concept and push the student to be able to express their ideas with understanding, not just parrot someone else’s notes.

Exactly !!!
I think OP is utterly deluded and the fact that her son is shit at history is everyone’s fault bar ….. hers !!

it shouldn’t be a problem that history is not his strength … I’d love to know the real reason OP can’t accept this, I wonder if the family have built up a fairy tail of “little Bernard is the next David Olugosa?? and can’t back down so got to through inflammatory grenades around towards the school, various tutors and everyone else !!!

What grades did he get in all his subjects? At this stage in year 11 he needs to be focusing on getting the required number of grade 5s to go onto the next stage of education.

You have said that you want him to do history as he doesn’t know.it doesn’t sound like he do does like history and trying to force him to won’t work. Going from a 2-3 in year 10 it is extremely unlikely that alevel is suitable.

Alevels aren’t the only option and do not suit all students. The alternatives are not lesser or worse, and there are some fantastic courses available. Now is a good time to look around some colleges. Go with an open mind and look at a wide range of courses.

Be excited for him and the possibilities that lie ahead and don’t try to mould him into something he isn’t.

Is there are careers adviser at your son’s school or a guidance teacher who could give much broader advice? You maybe need to look at whole picture of his talents, aptitudes and interests. Can he make the transition to self motivation, time management and study planning required at A level, without you needing to be involved? Is he willing to cut back on extracurriculars like cricket for a couple of years to prioritise study?
Perhaps spending some time working out what he wants to do with his life would help him to make choices, does he plan to go uni? Better suited to apprenticeship? Work in an office? Has he done much in the way of Saturday jobs?
Going back to history what is it he likes, social history, military history, politics? Informed decisions are the best ones so maybe the feedback from the tutor while hurtful is potentially helpful.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Well done! 😂😂
Great wind up post. You had me for a few pages there!

Why would you push him to do a subject that he struggles with because it’s “interdisciplinary”? So are Maths, English and many other subjects and presumably he doesn’t struggle with those.

The tutor isn’t unreasonable to gently suggest that giving up cricket until the summer is a consideration if he wants to improve his grade. It depends how much he wants the 6.

If there’s gaps in the knowledge then learning those facts is necessary before making mind maps because the mind maps won’t make sense without knowing the facts. Your son didn’t even know that he wasn’t studying the Cold War- I would be kind and encourage him to look at college courses or focus on his stronger subjects for confidence. You haven’t mentioned his English and maths attainment but passing those is key for the next stage. It sounds like you need to ask your son about his grades in other subjects so you can encourage his strengths tactically.

Context not concept. Sticky fingers.

iots actually a huge bug bear of mine that in 2025 we're still insisting on history learning by rote. It was bad enough in my day when acessing the facts was harder, but with the tools we have at hand, it's less and less about facts. To be fair, at university, a huge part of our study is understanding HOW we study history and why, and what different sources and interpretations bring to the process so that was happening even 30 odd years ago. But we haven't gone anywhere NEAR far enough yet.

This thread is a joke right?

I can’t believe the mum in this, making every possible excuse not to commit etc - plugs, be away, sleeping in.

Seems the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree if this is anything to go by

Posters on here are meanies.
Let him play cricket instead of doing History revision, if that's what he wants to do. He may play for England one day.
However, be aware that there is a good chance that he is going to fail his other exams. He will end up retaking them at FE college. He will find that incredibly boring and will disengage. On the plus side, he can do Btec sport and he will like that. And go on to play for England. (Possibly)
I think you can forget A levels completely, and the choice of subjects should be his choice. Not Yours!
With regards to the tutor, I would always choose one with PGCE. (You know what that is. You work in education) Your present tutor will have excellent subject knowledge and recent experience of taking exams and all that that entails. A qualified teacher has been taught how to teach, learning styles, learning difficulties, motivation etc. I'm guessing the tutor was so honest is because he is not a qualified teacher and isn't used to such disorganised , unmotivated kids

😂I read the OPs response about being a receptionist in a school and thought it was a classic case of GP receptionist syndrome. A GP receptionist who now considers themselves to now be a fully qualified doctor. 😂

The OPs son clearly has no aptitude for history if he 's only getting 2s and 3s at GCSE and he has no notes from his classes. He thought he was studying the Cold War but turns out he wasn't and it was something else and he's not sure what. Late for the first session because he had a lie in?! Doesn't want to put in extra work (despite the fact he's not really doing any in the first place' because he wants to focus on his cricket?) Really struggling to believe this is real?

I would strongly advise the tutor to walk away as he will just be blamed when the OPs son fails his GCSE. The son has been told by everyone involved in his teaching to drop history including his history teacher but bizarrely the OP thinks she knows better than everyone else despite concrete evidence to the contrary?

Thing is @SoCloseToNothing1981 I don't think you do know how "the system" works (if by that you mean, how to get good grades at GCSE). A student needs a good grasp of the necessary facts/detail/skills/knowledge and only then will a mind map be any help – if it is helpful. Being a school receptionist, while a worthwhile role for sure, doesn't make you an expert on tutoring.

I have friends who teach science and maths. Doesn't make me a maths teacher.

Are you able to answer the question about his mocks – you say they were 2s and 3s – surely history would just be one grade so I am assuming this is across all or most subjects? Is that correct?

Let him down, or told him the same thing this one has - that he's not suited to A-Level History?

The thing is, DS also plays cricket after school about 2 times a week so will be difficult to fit in a session. The tutor said “take it or leave it” which is rude tbh. I said that DS needs some downtime and the tutor proper started shouting at us saying that “DS isn’t doing himself any favours blaming others”. The tutor is also a uni student and said that he has done A Level History himself and the jump from GCSE is huge. I’m shaken up and just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Honestly, it sounds as if the tutor's attitude is a response to your attitude.

What do you want the man to do? He's said what he can offer and you have said no because of cricket and needing downtime. Neither you or DS are able or willing to put in the work - you can't get him to a session on time (rude) and you have an objection to everything the tutor suggests (also rude).

In summary, your expectations are unrealistic, you want something nobody can provide you with, and he's probably frustrated with you. Possibly he could have handled it a bit better, but I don't blame him for getting to the point where he no longer knows what to try or suggest because you have some excuse as to why you can't for everything and everything he does, you question.

Instead of curling up into a ball and crying because the nasty tutor won't give you the miracle you want, you need to start making a more realistic assessment of DS's academic capabilities and his options. If he's really not that interested in an academic route, that's OK. It's not the be all and end all. He doesn't have to do History, he can do other things if he doesn't have the skill set or aptitude. It's taught in a particular way by this stage, it's no longer just learning about what happened in the past, it's more about critical thinking about different sources, authors, etc, and thinking about how we understand the past. It's not like English or maths. But if he likes some other aspects of history, maybe he would be able to take those up as a hobby. Or do it later in life, when he's better able to grasp the concepts.

Don't be one of those parents who won't have it that their kid doesn't have the capability for something they really want and snowploughs through everything for them. There will come a point when you can't any more, and it'll be worse for him to fail at A-Level, or fail at uni. Of course we want the best for our DC and it sucks when we don't have the ability to do the thing we like most as a degree or profession. That's really, really tough. But it's much better to help them cope with the disappointment and support them to redirect than try and plough on regardless.