AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

The jump between GCSE and A-Level is huge and you can’t get away with rote learning. You want the tutor to teach him how to revise not actually learn - the tutor advising that he would not be able to do A-Level is not overstepping, it’s the kind thing to do so he doesn’t struggle and fail. Respectfully, your son doesn’t even know what the Cold War is, I don’t think this subject is for him.

I agree with the PP who suggested getting a revision guide - this way he will at least have basic information to revise. You can also buy flashcards. The tutor can then work on checking his understanding and helping him learn how to answer the questions. In the short-term, focus on what he needs to know for his mocks - are they doing every paper or just one/some?

If he’s not even gonna take notes in his lessons, he’s got no chance, OP. Why isn’t he doing this basic essential thing? @SoCloseToNothing1981

This reflects a poor attitude to learning/academics. Sleeping in, not finding the charger, and wanting to skip the lesson but only tuning in because you were paying for it - is highly disrespectful to the tutor, his time and his expertise. I teach at University level and it is precisely this attitude that we find really problematic in students when they come to us - the idea that the teaching is a 'service' since you are paying for it, you get to dictate the terms. You will do your child no favours if you persist in setting this tone for them in relation to their learning/tutors.

Not trying to be mean but it sounds like your son doesn't have the basic knowledge or even the inclination to learn. No amount of teaching him how to write an essay will help because he won't have any knowledge of the subject.
As for the cricket well it's time to make a choice. Do well in whatever exams he picks or play a game.

So, you're a school Receptionist who knows some teachers, and therefore think you know better than a tutor who has basically told you straight that your child hasn't an icecube's chance in hell of passing GCSE history without substantial tutoring and him also putting in a heck of a lot of work, and you say, "Oh but cricket and downtime!"? And you're still persisting with the idea that a child who clearly has no aptitude for history is doing history A Level?

No wonder he shouted, I feel a bit like shouting just from reading your thread.

Those were the 3 A levels my son did. He got As in all 3 and was 2 points Off A star in Philosphy.
I was explaining that he did have to learn various deontoloigical arguments and many of them seemed to be very similar with suble changes. He did flash cards because that helped him. I was not saying everyone needed to. Just to illustrate that philosophy you need to know very specific arguments which you have to learn. Questions he got set in exams were things like " define xxx concept", "what are the arguments against yyy theory of relativism".
It was not what I'd expected at all for the A level. And OPs son is already struggling to learn dates.l for History.

I'm thinking this whole thing is made up now. No way you'd find out he's got 2s on his mocks and absolutely no notes and go 'oh but he can't do more tutoring because he has cricket' you're not serious

A little LEARNING is a dangerous thing

Perhaps he confused the Cold War with the Cod War.

OP at the base of it you need to understand that moving up 3-4 grade levels at this point is completely unrealistic.

You are asking the tutor to compensate for years of underperformance in a very short time.

Everything the tutor has done which you deem as rude is to make you realise these facts.

At this point there is almost no way any school would allow him to take history as an a level with a 2/3 failing grade.

Stop blaming the tutor and realise your son isn’t taking notes, isn’t capable and doesn’t know how to pass history. Your tutor is trying to tell you this repeatedly in different ways but you can’t see it.

Choose another subject.

Tbf I think this is what is needed. Teachers and tutors have said that history is not for him but both OP/DH/DS have persisted, mock grades are suboptimal (politely), they are disorganised, disrespectful and deluded. Harsh but fair, IMO - not sure who will tell them that IRL, that’s partly why people turn to anonymous forum.

Can you imagine someone who worked at a hospital as a receptionists telling a patient they need a different type of surgery?

Why don't you tutor him then if you know best.

@SoCloseToNothing1981 Yes, revision techniques are important - of course! - but that really isn't for a private subject tutor to focus on, it's to teach and ensure knowledge and understanding.

Revision techniques are taught at most schools, even when it's not obvious but I'm actually gobsmacked you would think private tutors are there for revision techniques. If it's revision technique that you after, there are such tutors too (less common).

I don't often say this on MN but - goodness me!

I got the top grade at GCSE for history and then failed the A level entirely in spite of doing a fair bit of revision. I would take seriously what this tutor is saying. You may not like it now but honestly, sometimes tough advice can save you further down the line and A levels are very different from GCSEs.

What’s your job in the school? If you’re a teacher or an LSA you may well be better placed to support your son with his history than a university student given that you think it’s his study skills he needs help with more than subject knowledge. If you’re office staff then maybe you can’t do it yourself, but you’re surrounded by people who know what they’re doing and might be able to point you in the right direction.

Either way, telling the tutor how to do his job was only ever going to annoy him. I think it’s likely that relationship has turned sour now so you’d do better to look for a new tutor if you plan to continue with tuition.

The decision about whether to do A level history will likely be taken out of his hands anyway. The decent sixth forms here are pretty strict about who they let on their courses. You need strong passes in maths and English and absolute minimum 6 preferably 7 plus in the subject. They know from years of experience that students not of that standard will likely fail A levels.

This is one of the most enjoyable threads I've read for ages.

Mum claims to be "in education" herself... A couple of posts later, when she's called on it... Turns out she's a school receptionist. 😂

Tutor kindly offers 3 sessions a week, in any attempt to get DS up to speed, but he can't possibly manage that because of... cricket. It's not even cricket season!

Priorities babe. Priorities.

I am a History graduate and have taught GCSE - honestly OP son should not need coaching for history GCSE if he had listen in class, taken his notes in class and done about one essay a week - usually from old exam papers. What has he been doing?

The more you reply the more I pity DS. I have three DCs. Our two DSs were average students (scored an average of 5/6 in their GCSEs). With our support both chose vocational courses in college. This lead to good engineering apprenticeships, and subsequently great careers in an industry they love with no student debt.

I would never have pushed either DS into A levels, it clearly wouldn't have suited either and they'd have struggled academically. If either had been only achieving 2/3s with extra tuition, I'd have actively discouraged him and pulled the tuition, which is presumably costing around £400 a month.

DD ( again no extra tuition and didn't attend a selective school) is self-motivated and knew it was down to her to get the grades to hopefully progress to her chosen career. She knew anything under an 8 at GCSE would likely be reflected in her A levels at grades lower than were needed to get into a decent university and the degree she needed.
Your job is to be realistic. You keep going on about the rudeness of the tutor when you must see they're irrelevant because it's unlikely DS will even be accepted into any sixth form. I'd be more concerned that A levels weren't the right fit anyway if DS needed three hours of tuition a week to scrape in.

Op it sounds like you want your ds to do things that “look good on the CV” rather than work to his strengths. Which he probably hasn’t had any opportunity to explore because his mother is completely fixated on highly academic A-Levels.

The tutor cannot teach revision techniques to someone with huge gaps in knowledge. There’s zero chance he’s going to get from 2 to a 6 with his attitude. I mean, it’s not unheard of, but is unlikely.

A predicted 6 in English is a B grade in old money, so that’s perfectly respectable. A 2 or 3 in history will not get him on a history A-Level. Sorry op.

I'm a bit baffled by you saying he needs to be taught to make mind maps and flash cards op. He will have been doing these in school for several subjects since year 7.

I agree. OP why have you started this thread ? Your attitude is combative and you’re not prepared to listen to anyone. And putting cricket practice above his GCSE tutoring when he’s clearly so far behind in his studies is indefensible. Why are you so clueless as to where he is with this ?

OP - you're an engaged parent and care a lot. As does your husband. Your son is very lucky.

Many of the repliers are in the education world, I think, and replying with that hat on.

Tutoring is so expensive and I'm anxious on your behalf that you shouldn't throw money at solutions that will not work unless your son changes his own behaviour.

It's like sport - you will only run a 5k if you can run 30 seconds, then a minute, then 10 minutes without stopping. You can't run a 5k just by paying for a personal trainer and waiting for the results to follow.

Your son is what, 15, 16? It's time for him to start grafting, to make progress towards whatever it is that he wants to do for the longer term.

If he's sporty, could he look at A-level PE? It's quite academic, though - not an 'easy' subject.

There is a lot of work in the sports world.

Otherwise, think of trades or professions or occupations that would suit his strengths, and work systematically in those directions, keeping options open wherever he can, so that he can go 'more academic' or 'more vocational' as and when things change.

Think about what you can do to scaffold your son's learning practice every day. Time on gaming, TV, social media should be rationed - because they're drawing time and attention away from learning and exercise, and perhaps sleep. And they're all spending so much time on them.

Keep checking in with him about how he sees his future. Many young people seem to have a vague sense that they would go into similar jobs as their father or uncle - but doing 'better'. This is especially so since they tend to be better-taught in high school and get better grades than their fathers might have done.

However, it's tougher now for young men to get into good universities compared with their fathers - because it's so much more competitive, and the gender gap in achievement has got so much bigger. And the world of work has changed a lot too.

So, he needs to have a plan, and to be realistic about what it takes to 'do well'.

Whatever his plan is, he needs to be doing a solid couple of hours every evening, at least, on study and homework. He's young and this is the best time to be learning - much easier than learning skills at 30 or 40.

I assume he's in school from 8.30 until about 3. Even allowing for a commute, he has a good 6 hours in the evening to himself.

If he wants a 6, he could certainly catch up if he puts say an hour a day into it - he could use ChatGPT to write a catch-up plan out for him - but he will have to do lots of reading, learning and note-taking.

Actively taking notes, in long-hand, is absolutely crucial.

He may well be very smart, but with slow processing speed. He might be a slow reader, or slow at drafting. If useful to know, screen readers work really well now. But these are sadly reasons why he has to work harder than others - not put in roughly the same amount of time (getting only half as much done) and expect to get the same marks as friends. Even where extra time is made available in exams, or deadline extensions, markers have to mark what is on the page.

Turning up to school every day, even when a bit under the weather, also matters a lot. Every day missed will affect his final grade expectations.

I do believe that training and technique matter a lot, so if he works hard, he will definitely improve. For his GCSEs, this really is the last minute. You may feel that you are doing all that can be expected as a parent - but paying eye-watering amounts for a tutor will just be a sticking plaster if the work hasn't been done.