AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

I didn’t realise the tutor was a university student not a teacher. That makes a big difference to what you can expect from them, and I expect it also makes a significant difference to price. You get what you pay for. I’m sure a university student is capable of supporting an able student plug some knowledge gaps before the exam, but you are asking the tutor to deliver a miracle.

If you are serious about trying to get your son from a grade 2 to a grade 6 by the time exams start you need to stop employing a university student and pay the premium for a qualified teacher with extensive experience working with students who struggle academically. It may still be impossible to be honest, but that’s your best bet.

I agree your son needs down time, and also exercise. What is he doing with the time when he’s not playing cricket? That is where you need to be looking to find the extra study time, not taking away his sport.

Being realistic, in order to make a serious attempt at this your son needs to be doing several hours of independent study every week on top of any tuition. You are looking at months of very hard work, lots of stress, and lots of expense, with it still be pretty unlikely he will get the 6 he needs to do the A-level.

If you don’t want to give up on the dream, get a better qualified tutor, buy some revision books, get him in a routine with independent study, and then take each half term at a time. If he knuckles down up to Christmas, then maybe up the workload a bit if he’s able to and keep aiming high, and see how he does up to February. If he finds it all too much then by all means keep up with he tuition and aim for a 4, but you’ll need to rethink the A-level plans.

That's not abnormal this age - find out what rest of his GCSE are actually looking like and then go from there.

My parents with best will in world forced me down heavy maths route at A-levels and I had exceptional grades in everything bar MFL. So rather than history and English teachers had suggested thinking about at A-levels - my at time undiagnosed dyslexia meant they had years of hearing how bad my written work - spelling hand writting - apparently was so they though maths would be eaiser for me.

They reluctantly let me take geography at A-level with it's essay based exams - only subject I got a A in. They also refused to let me swap other subjects when I started to struggle - I did get in uni course in end but if I'd taken other A-levels subjects would have been less close and much easier on me.

You need to listen to what his teachers and his tutors are saying rather than force him done your prefered route - if you he'd not have done GCSE history in first place and nether of you would be in this position now. Learn from it going forward.

What is wrong with you? Seriously.

So why aren't you teaching him revision strategies?

You were telling the tutor how to do their job. Whether you were right to or not we can't know.

But he can't do it. It's like me getting my 6 year old to study cardiology. It's way beyond him and would be pointless. You need to accept that different people have different strengths, and you should be supporting your son in working to his strengths, not trying to shoehorn him into something he can't do.

This is all very bizarre. There is so much projection from OP onto her son that I’m beginning to feel sorry for him. It is clear to everyone that he has no interest in history, he hasn’t been taking notes or following the course and will struggle at A level. 3 tutors in and they can all see it.

Putting aside your attitude and your son's fairly obvious disinterest in the subject (so prob best not to do it for A-level; I did A-level history and it requires a real fascination in the subject as there is a lot of content to cover, understand and interpret, let alone the essay writing), I have a couple of questions:

Why did he not take notes in class? (irrelevant if he didn't like the teacher. He still needs to make notes)

How do you expect him to revise if he has no notes? There is zero point in drawing a mind map if there is no content to complete it with.

The tutor is telling you he needs to bascially teach your son the entire curriculum as there are no notes made / no understanding already. Do you understand this?

Why don't you want to commit to 2-3 hours of tutoring a week? A couple of sessions of cricket doesn't take up the whole of his free time. He has the whole weekend too.

If this is the one subject he is really struggling in and you refuse to engage on the above, can you cut your losses and focus on the others?

We got Dd from a mock result 4 /4 to an 8 /8 in the actual gcse for combined science. Tutor taught science at a local top name public school. She was shit hot and incredibly expensive. Worth every penny. No way would we have hired some kid with a physics degree - you need a proper teacher and pay them accordingly.

So you know how getting a copy of mock results work then?

There's truth in that. But I am starting to feel for her ...

I assume as a TA or similar.

Honestly OP, your DS needs to focus on his GCSE's at the moment and maybe wind down the extra curiculars for a bit.

My DS is also in yr 11 and needs to get 7's in maths and physics to study them at A Level. He has dropped his after school clubs until his GCSE's are finished as the school work and extra revision sessions take up a lot of his time.

What is his predicted grade for History? He will struggle with A Level History unless he achieves a Grade 6 or higher at GCSE. Also, I agree that revision methods are important, but your son has to know the content first and also the exam techniques that are specific to the History GCSE course. There are specific skills needed for History and a little overlap with essay writing for English, but not much, it’s not all about writing essays.

Also some kids might actually connect better with a younger tutor.

My ds did some mentoring with younger students when he was in 6th form, which seemed to work well.

I think OP's son just isnt interested in history, he doesnt really sound that academic and may be better off going down a btec or apprenticeship route.

The thing is; you can't easily revise the skills you've been told he's lacking. It's weasy to revise facts, dates, names and places, it's a lot harder to revise analysing a source or how to write an essay. Those are skills that, if he was good at history and serious about it as a subject, he would have by now. He's going to massively struggle with A Level work if he's finding GCSE this hard.

I'm sorry you are going through this op. It can be tough parenting.

What I would say is I don't think History is unusually embellishing of a CV - and it certainly isn't if the grade isn't good. It's why they won't allow all students to take Further Maths, even though that really does look good.

Choose the subjects you think he will do best in. It's the soundest advice.

And your DS needs to get with the programme here and give you a hand by applying himself properly.

There have been lots of rude comments about him being not capable enough, but actually none of us can know that in a situation where he is sleeping in through tutoring sessions, has no notes etc.

He needs to pick his strongest subjects and work hard.

Having said that, I work as a receptionist so not really on the education front but I’ve got friends who are teachers and I hear a lot from them about teaching

Many, many tutoring agencies / parents use - very successfully - high end undergrads and postgrads. We used a final year honours chem student for my son - recommended by their school - who was extraordinary and helped him from a B/C in A-level to an A*. This student was herself spending every day learning (and doing) an intense chem course, and even my son's (highly academic) school recommended this route as the uni students are fully engrossed in their subject, in the moment, rather than a step removed as a teacher/tutor. I don't mean in any way that a teacher/tutor isn't highly experienced and also brilliant, I'm just saying don't knock the student route as it can be highly successful.

This is a comedy thread yes?

This whole post is very odd.

YABVU and honestly sound like a nightmare. Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, if this is your third tutor, the issue might just be with you and your DS, not the tutor? Wanting to curl up in a ball shaking and crying after a conversation with the tutor is also a bit weird, OP.

If I were the tutor writing a post about you, it might go something like this:

Took on a new student recently and honestly, it's all been a bit difficult. Sessions didn't get off to a great start when the boy missed half of the first session and the mum did not seem remotely apologetic about the fact I'd been sat waiting for half an hour and in fact suggested I should get myself a coffee, which I found a bit rude and unprofessional.

It became apparent pretty quickly that the boy has huge knowledge gaps and it's going to be a real struggle to get him up to speed in time for his exam. He's a bit disorganised and hasn't taken any notes in class for months. The parent didn't want me to baseline test him, which I find really strange, because it meant I couldn't get a good grasp of where he most needed support. She just wants me to teach him how to revise, which isn't really what I do. Plus it's difficult to teach him how to revise and create revision resources with him when he really doesn't know very much and is lacking in some of the really basic skills you need to be successful in the exam. Having studied to a high level, I can see what he needs to have a chance of getting even a pass grade, but the parent seems adamant that she knows better.

We don't seem to be getting anywhere as she just doesn't seem to understand what is needed or to have any respect for my knowledge and experience and it would be a tall order to get the boy up to standard even if I could just get on with what's needed, let alone with all the interference and demands. I've advised the family to reconsider him taking History for A-level because I just don't see that it is in his best interests and, after thinking about the best way forward, I've offered them 2-3 hours of tutoring a week so that I can support with his subject knowledge and skills and try to get him where he needs to be. I can't work with this family as things stand and am wary of continuing the tutoring arrangement as things stand, as I can't get him where he needs to be on one hour a week and with the parent constantly contacting me and not seeming to understand how tutoring works. AIBU?

When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography)

This was in the opening post.

Then subsqently says:
The thing is I can't really get rid of this tutor because my DS has had 3 history tutors because the other 2 let him down

The secondary teacher tried to put him off taking it - he's had previous tutors to this one who've dropped him - while a more experinced tutors would likely be better I don't think dissmissing what this tutor is saying is helpful to the OP - he's identified the issue a lack of subject knowledge and proposed a solution - 3 hours of tutuoring.

If he at 2/3 mark currently then the turor right - it's not an option for doing at A-level. Perhaps the turtor a bit blunt - but at least he's been very clear and direct with OP - which TBH it sound like she needs.

These are my thoughts. If this is a real person, she should be studied closely and have a sitcom built around her. Ideally by the writers of Motherland or similar.

Not if the tutor you've employed is not a teacher, you don't!

all his mock results he has got 2s and 3s

OP, kindly, if he got 2s and 3s in his GCSE mocks then A levels probably aren't the route for him.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

Classic case of good tutor, lazy child, excuse-making parent.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in.

Why are you paying a tutor for HIS expertise but then expecting he prioritises what YOU think DS's needs are?

You sound utterly deluded.

The tutor will have seen this hundred times - * *parents who can't accept that their precious babies aren't putting in the graft and are drowning.

You'll be straight online, leaving shitty reviews for him when DS doesn't do well, and it sounds like DS isn't going to do well, but none of it will be DS's fault, will it?

In reality, he got himself into this mess.

WHY isn't DS taking notes in class?
WHY are you so quick to believe that him not doing so is the fault of his teacher?
WHY do you think DS hasn't been taught how to mind-map etc in school already? Because I don't buy for one second that he hasn't. - And if by some miracle he actually hasn't, why can't YOU show him how to mind map/make revision cards? Or are you expecting the tutor to do all that for him?
WHY are you not telling DS that he needs to pull his socks up HARD or he's going to fail.
WHY are you so ready with excuses for him?
The kid doesn't even know what topics he's covered, FFS!! He's 15, not 5!!

You're setting that kid up for a World of pain.

He, AND YOU, need to get real, and FAST.

I've got a friend who does surgery on infants. I do not think I know a lot about that.