AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

I'm wondering if he watched Game of Thrones and, as a result, thinks he likes history...

He likes history so much, he has no notes at all from the start of the year onwards. (That is of course his teacher's fault, for not being good enough!)

I'm sorry you've had such a shock. It seems that your son was drowning and so keeping his results from you. The tutor is probably frustrated. You're not even prioritising the boy's GCSEs at this stage, the bloody cricket can wait. Just drop the idea of taking it at A Level, ask him to buckle down and learn the content. I don't think a tutor will make any difference to be honest. Your son just isn't interested in putting in the work. He needs to lock in.

There are 2 main things to address here. Firstly, the assertion that History may not be a great choice at A Level for him is reasonable. It's a lot of work as an A Level, our DS did well in it but it totally put him off History as a subject of study.

Secondly, if revision skills is what you and he want the tutor to focus on primarily then that's what their main focus should be. You are paying. However, that doesn't mean that getting an overview with an assessment etc. isn't needed.

As regards no notes, do they not have a booklet (online or actual) they are working through? If they are meant to be making notes, does teacher at school have no input or overview as would be norm?

He’s not quite sure tbh, which is why I want him to do a subject like history which has a lot of interdisciplinary skills because it sets him in good stead on a CV

How did you not know your son’s mock results? Your priority needs to be contacting the school urgently to check your son’s progress in all his courses, because if you are so blissfullly unaware of how badly he’s doing in his favourite subject, then you might be in for a rude awakening with the ones he doesn’t like so much.

Several problems here, one of which is you're paying a student rather than a teacher.

The other significant one is that your child doesn't care enough.

You are wasting your money.

I'm surprised you didn't know his mock results, but if they are grades 2 and 3 (what are his other subjects like?) then getting that to a grade 4 is a priority. Put thoughts of A level to one side. If his other subjects are also at that level, it may be that he needs to focus on maths/Eng/science instead.

This.

If it's just History much less an issue - ideally get it to a 4 - but as long as 5 others at decent grades includjing maths and English lots of options.

I'd really check how other subjects are going TBH as it could be a more general attitude issue - though hopefully just this one subject he was TBF warned off from doing at GCSE.

My daughter did some GCSE tutoring while she was at uni too. She spent a lot of time preparing and marking etc and gave it up because it was too much work. Some uni tutors are very good. Her students wanted her to continue but she just couldn't make it work as her degree was very intense too.

OP.

I think the truth here is you spoil and fuss DS alot. And in a way its lovely, hes clearly very lucky. But you not only need to give him security you need to teach him independence and accountability.

DS may be saying he loves history because he thinks you want to hear that? But to be clear hes not taking any notes; despite yr 10 and Yr 11 being told to do that, despite loving the subject, despite knowing hes behind in it...

Since hes been tutored (by 3 different people) hes made no changes to his approach to the subject. Hes not even taking notes now.

Tutor isnt rude, hes managing your expectations that if this has any chance it needs prioritising. That less wont make a difference. And if you and DS would rather prioritise cricket, and downtime then accept he will probably get a 3 in history or you can try a 4th tutor.

But tutor is right, A level prepares you for high school. Its less spoon feeding. It requires diligence, note taking and planning off your own back. And DS isnt doing when hes being instructed when and how too.

It sounds like this is more important to you than DS. Tutor is right, he cant learn this for DS. And you need to stop facilitating DSs excuses

This is just daft. Is your son interested in history or not? If he wants to study history at A-level because he loves it, then it's worth pursuing even if the grades aren't there at the moment. If the grades aren't there and he's not interested, well you are just flogging a dead horse. Look for where there is an overlap of interest and success.

I'm wondering if it's that the ds doesn't really have any interest in academics, but, when pressed, has said that he might do history, so the OP is focusing on that as her last hope. It would explain her desperation.

OP. I think you're lucky to have a young tutor who's been blunt to you. It means you have a good few months to find your options. Just because he's young doesn't mean he doesn't know his stuff, and he's young enough to remember what the exams were like. Dd (not a teacher, aged 24yo) tutored ds for his A-level maths last year and got him from a D/E up to an A. But that was a lot of hard work and 3 hours a week sounds minimal to me for him to get up from where he is. Ds was doing around 5-6 with dd if you include the papers he was doing.

But also OP, this isn't the be-all and end-all if he isn't up to doing A-levels. Have a serious chat with him. Point out he will need to do be enrolled in something when 16yo, and maybe his talents are elsewhere, so he needs to think what he would like to do, and would enjoy doing. Not do A-levels because he feels that's expected of him.

But to be fair, you're not really listening.

Your friend agrees with you, so go with their advice

No, no, just no.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The tutor isn't the one with the attitude problem OP, it's you and your son. It's easy to see where your son gets his from. Bless him.

The sooner this poor tutor sacks you off the better for him.

I think you want him to love history more than he does

So even though the tutor is a uni student, he's done a good job in seeing what your DS can actually do.

I think you need to take the blinkers off in regards to your son.

He's managed to convince you that he 'loves history' despite not doing any work
He's also managed to convince you this is the fault of his teacher and 2 previous tutors
He tried to sabotage the new tutor on the first lesson by oversleeping and losing a charger
He's hidden his mock results from you

I think you need to be contacting his school to know exactly what his mock results are in all subjects, what is behaviour is like in school and whether they think there is the remotest chance of him doing any A levels.

It sounds like he has plenty of downtime in his school history lessons...

Sorry, but the tutors right. I did GCSE & A level history and the jump is huge, I went from an A at GCSE with little effort to B at A level but had to put in effort, do independent reading and regular revision.

I’ve also worked in learning support in secondary school for years. The tutor is most likely frustrated that you just expect him to teach revision techniques (which to be fair a year 11 student should know by now). You can’t help someone revise something they don’t know in the first place. You have to fill in the gaps first. He can teach a topic and then at the end set homework of creating flashcards etc. It’s a massive waste of a resource to just get a tutor to help revise.

And you might not want to hear it @SoCloseToNothing1981 but this is mostly your DSs responsibility. He should have notes from class, why doesn’t he? Saying his teacher is rubbish is not helpful. Do his peers take notes? You need a meeting with his history teacher to find out what’s going on. Getting 2s and 3s in mocks suggest either he is really struggling with the subject or if he is generally quite able then he is being lazy. I would take more tutoring hours and request a meeting with his actual history teacher to get the full picture.

Also, @SoCloseToNothing1981 talk to your DS, he knows his mock grades, why didn’t he tell you this? He obviously didn’t want to admit it, is that part of potential laziness or is he worried about your reaction? Some children just don’t click with a particular subject no matter how much they try, if you’re putting pressure on him to do well he may have been avoiding admitting the truth. If he is really struggling it may be worth accepting history isn’t for him and putting his focus/tutoring time into other subjects to boost those grades. One bad grade isn’t the end of the world.

Why would you encourage your child to choose an A level subject they are already struggling with. I'd encourage him to choose something he's good at, you're asking for a whole load of unnecessary stress here!

Not if he fails it it doesn't!

It's not clear @SoCloseToNothing1981 if the 2s and 3s were mocks for history or for all his GCSEs? Rereading your post t sounds like you mean the latter.

In which case I would totally shelve history, it doesn't stand him in good stead on his CV if he pairs it with 3s in maths, English and science.

If he is capable of more (and of course some students are not, I know that very well) then you and he need to look at what he needs to do. Talk to his teachers as a priority, find out where he is and what needs to be done. It's November, there are six months till exams start, it's time to make a difference in the key subjects.

It sounds as tho it is you that is pushing history. Which subjects if any does he enjoy? Might a college course that is more practical suit post-16? I would look at what there is but focus on the GCSEs he will need.

I also don’t appreciate the comments saying that I’m telling the tutor how to do his job. I work in a school and I know how the system works

I am sorry you are upset.

It requires quite a lot of work for tutors to plan personalised sessions and it's very disheartening when a student is not fully committed. It is also frustrating when students/parents do not seem to have realistic ideas about what they can achieve without a complete overhaul of their current routine and work ethic. This will be why the tutor is being blunt with you.

He is actually doing you a favour by not delivering false hope, and if he's a uni student that means his A Level experience is pretty recent. He knows exactly what your son will face next year.

Are you sure your son is really as interested in History as you say? What about it actually interests him? I find it surprising that he can have such poor knowledge of a subject he loves.

Well OP doesn't seem to be listening to the varnished ones.

Frankly if you need a tutor for the gcse sorry but surely it’s not then a subject you do for a level? Both mine excellent at humanities but struggled with maths / physics so got tutors to get them through GCSEs then they gladly binned those subjects at a level to study the subjects they enjoyed and excelled at. If he can’t do the gcse without a tutor no tutor in the world can get him a good grade for history a level.