AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

SUPPORTIVE POST HERE OP!!

I feel a bit sorry for the deluge of YABU responses you are getting op - though I do agree with them up to a point.

Ultimately, I think you are trying hard to advocate for your son from a position outside the system. It's right to try to push for his best interests, and well done for looking to support him with a tutor. None of those things justify making you feel crappy about the situation.

In those respects you are doing a great job.

But do listen and try to take it on the chin, and I think you will get a better long-term outcome for your DS. I don't think his skills sound suited to history, but a lot of people think there are more useful GCSE subjects anyway. Play to his strengths - and make sure he pulls his finger out too!

DS is struggling at a subject he "loves". So you get him a tutor. He sleeps in and cant tell you where his charger is, to meet with the tutor. Then shrugs his shoulders and says let's just skip the lesson. Until you tell him because youre charged anyway he MUST go

And you think the issue is THE TUTORs attitude?

No, this was totally on your son. He shouldn't have overslept and he should have been prepared and had his laptop ready. I feel for the tutor who can clearly see that he is trying to help your son and History is just not for him!

Feeling a bit sorry for the tutor with the way you and your son are messing him around.

Why not just accept that your son isn't doing his best. Not taking notes in class, pissing about sleeping in and not finding chargers is ridiculous.

Stop making excuses for him and give him a kick up the arse.

My degree and A levels are in Philosophy and Ethics and if essay writing and source analysis is an issue for him - philosophy will be a similar struggle

Ive seen all your responses about your friends techniques so why not ask her to show him those and he could use them will the tutor or his homework? If you think the techniques make so much difference?

However if 3 tutors and his teacher are all making it harder for him... maybe the issue isnt all these educators

Your dc doesnt need to be taught revsion skills - buy him a book about it or watch online tutorial
He needs to know the course content and learn it, which is exactly what the tutors are doing.
Franky no he shouldn't do A level history if he needs hand held this much

Depends on his grades - and what those subject teachers think when you speak to them.

He should really be looking at A-level in subjects with highest GCSE marks. If he struggling with CGSE there is in FE section a thread on BTecs and possible what ever else England's doing in that area. A-levels were awful time for DD1 but she got on the wanted degree course and has done well and has also finally got formal diagnosis for issues she's always had - with hindsight BTEC may have been a better choice for her but information was lacking.

I had a teacher tell me not to do A-level German - I wasn't planning on any MFL as my dyslexia made it harder for me - but it did feel like a kick in the gut.

It did end up being my lowest grade but I worked really hard for the grade I got - brought it up from awful Mock grade christmas before mostly on my own - few hints from teacher.

It was well meant A-level was going to get more complex but I do remember my parents getting upset on my behalf. I did in end with a huge amount of work - probably more than rest of GCSE combined - get a grade I could have theoretically taken it at A-level but I'd have been mad to try. I think that what you are being told here can bring grade up but trying to build on shaky foundations at A-level is not in your DS best interests.

I just had the zoom call with the tutor and honestly I think I could cry.
he has said that the knowledge gaps are severe. DS has got no notes at all from the beginning of the year, and all his mock results he has got 2s and 3s (I didn’t know this in fairness), and he also doesn’t know where to start with sources. The tutor has said he is willing to give us 3 hours a week of tuition, but this will require our full commitment. The thing is, DS also plays cricket after school about 2 times a week so will be difficult to fit in a session. The tutor said “take it or leave it” which is rude tbh. I said that DS needs some downtime and the tutor proper started shouting at us saying that “DS isn’t doing himself any favours blaming others”. The tutor is also a uni student and said that he has done A Level History himself and the jump from GCSE is huge. I’m shaken up and just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Anyway i said we’d think about the extra sessions

So the tutor isn't an actual tutor just an 18 to 21yo doing some tutoring while at Uni?

Why didn’t you know your own son’s mock results?

I really think that you are concentrating your firepower on the wrong thing here. Don’t shoot the tutor messenger…

He's going to have to drop the cricket then isn't he for a while.

I'm sorry you're so upset, but the tutor is only serving up the facts. Blind Freddy could see your son is lazy and disinterested. You can't turn him into a history buff by force of will.

The thing is, DS also plays cricket after school about 2 times a week so will be difficult to fit in a session. The tutor said “take it or leave it” which is rude tbh.

I am surprised he has agreed to continue on, in this impossible situation, with both of you blaming everyone and making excuses rather than facing the obvious fact your son has little to no interest in history, or study, and is wasting the tutor's time with this pretence.

He's going to fail history with or without the cricket. Make your peace with that @SoCloseToNothing1981

I think the tutor has been more that patient with you and your lazy over indulged child, he's told you the truth and you don't like it basically!! I wouldn't even bother my time with you if I were you!
By your own admission you've had 3 tutors! I think the common denominators here is you think your son is cleverer than he is and your son is just lazy and not very clever!!

Not everyone is academic. Some people end up.getting medicre grades and making cricket ( for example) their career.

As you seem.to blame everyone else except your son for him not being good at history it's hardly surprising he does the same! I feel for this tutor who is clearly tying his best with both of you.

Oh how some people relish the opportunity to punch from anonymity with unvarnished responses.

Righ well I think if nothing changes he's looking at 2 and 3 next June in Histroy at least.

If you get him to stop arsing about you may be able to get that up to 4+ - so cricket and downtime excuses have to go. There are two way it goes when you start to struggle - you disengaged and do badly - or you ask for help knuckle down and work your arse off for results others find easy. It's possible with enough support you can get him into second categrory but it will be hard and if he doesn't comply you are stuck.

If tutor a uni student they are likely still saying what other tutors would be but much more bluntly - being less experienced with life and parents and delivering bad news. I think he done you a massive favour being so blunt TBH.

Also I'd check in with other subjects - as this may not be the one off you clearly hope. If he can't get results good enough for A-level course look now at other options - and get him to college open days and think. There are alternative routes into most things but now time to make it clear to him and start looking.

Failing history gcse is really not that big a deal OP.

Stop making this about the tutor’s manners.

What's wrong with that? He's obvs alot more switched on than this mother and her son!
Good on him to earn some extra ££ to get him through university.

OK so the tutor is a uni student, not any kind of qualified teacher? I guess if they are young their EI is not fully developed, hence comments like "take it or leave it".

It sounds as tho the tutor knows a fair bit about what is needed so even tho they are not a teacher, it doesn't mean they won't be a helpful tutor. My DD did a bit of tutoring after she did very well in the first exams on the new English spec.

Do you feel that your DS has any decent rapport with the tutor? bc that is important as well.

I'm surprised you didn't know his mock results, but if they are grades 2 and 3 (what are his other subjects like?) then getting that to a grade 4 is a priority. Put thoughts of A level to one side. If his other subjects are also at that level, it may be that he needs to focus on maths/Eng/science instead.

I don’t usually cite the American system as a good model, but they do require their sports teams to maintain a minimum grade average. It sounds to me as if your DS has been farting about at school for some time (quite possibly in his other subjects as well as history) and cricket should be off the table until he sorts the academic side out. with this update any discussion about post-16 is pointless, as he’s going to be looking at resits rather than A levels.

It’s bound to be a shock @SoCloseToNothing1981 but maybe this can be the moment your DS wakes up, pulls his finger out, and realised that exams need his effort and input if he wants results he can be proud of.

I cannot be the only person who is utterly baffled about this obsession with history. Does OP come from a long line of historians? It's one GCSE. Cut your losses and put the extra focus on the other exams where, I suspect help might also be needed.

What exactly does your son want to do, OP?
Stop making decisions for him and give him some responsibility in all this. History clearly isn’t working out….. you’ve been through 3 tutors, missed or been late for sessions and disregarded the advice you’ve been given. It seems like you’re forcing something that just isn’t going to happen.
(Your tutor deserves a medal to be honest!)

i hope the tutor is charging you enough to make all this BS worth his while.