AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

Can I ask how much time he honestly spends on homework and private study?
Also, my son was taught revision and study skills from year 7. Is this not the norm these days?
In order to perform well in any subject he'll need to show commitment and put in the hard work. There is no magic bullet.
Also, economics is an essay based subject as is philosophy. As he is currently underperforming in both English and History I would avoid both unless he knuckles down and starts taking some responsibility for his own learning.

This is crazy OP. You seem to think the tutor and almost all PPs are missing the point but it’s you
As has been said, revision techniques are useless without knowing what you are revising. You need basic of knowledge 1st. Your DS doesn’t have that as he isn’t paying attention in class to know what he is meant to be learning. This is what the tutor is telling you.
Revision techniques are largely universal, your DS should have at least a basic understanding of these from other subjects. The history tutor tutors history and is telling you DS needs to work on subject knowledge 1st or there is nothing to revise.

You sound obsessed with mind maps (these don’t work for everyone), but if you’re so convinced this is the answer maybe spend an hour with your DS before the call today and do a mind map with him on one of the topics he has done. I suspect you’ll quickly see where the tutor is coming from when DS doesn’t have anything to write on it.

Find a new tutor (if current one doesn’t call it a day 1st) but don’t expect a dramatically different outcome

This is crazy OP. You seem to think the tutor and almost all PPs are missing the point but it’s you
As has been said, revision techniques are useless without knowing what you are revising. You need basic of knowledge 1st. Your DS doesn’t have that as he isn’t paying attention in class to know what he is meant to be learning. This is what the tutor is telling you.
Revision techniques are largely universal, your DS should have at least a basic understanding of these from other subjects. The history tutor tutors history and is telling you DS needs to work on subject knowledge 1st or there is nothing to revise.

You sound obsessed with mind maps (these don’t work for everyone), but if you’re so convinced this is the answer maybe spend an hour with your DS before the call today and do a mind map with him on one of the topics he has done. I suspect you’ll quickly see where the tutor is coming from when DS doesn’t have anything to write on it.

Find a new tutor (if current one doesn’t call it a day 1st) but don’t expect a dramatically different outcome

And that's on top of the parent thinking they know better than you how to do your job.

I am CACKLING at this. Your son’s tutor could sit down and get him to make a mind map of the subject your son thought they’d been studying but the point is he thought he’d been studying the Cold War when he hadn’t. Therefore it would have been the equivalent of making a mind map of The Inspector Calls if the class had actually been reading Hamlet.

Your son sounds lazy and a bit hard of thinking. And you sound like a complete enabler. History isn’t an impossible subject at all (although I did it at A-level twenty years ago and found it difficult and stressful - I scraped a B after revising my head off) but you do need to know which time period you are meant to be bloody revising. Ffs. Genuinely one of the best posts I’ve read on here.

There's a lot to unpick here, but looking at the two bits that jump out-

• DS is so disengaged or lacking in ability in history that he can't even remember what topic they are covering.
• You're already on your third tutor because the other two have not been good enough for your precious baby. And he also says his school history teacher isn't good enough.

You cannot just pay someone to make your child good at something. Otherwise everyone who joined a gym would be ripped, but it doesn't work like that. He needs to actually do the work- take notes, do his own revision, and turn up to tutoring on time.

Sorry but if he can't even tell the tutor what time period they are looking at currently in class then he absolutely should not be considering a history A level and you need to step in to help him make a better decision.

Analysis of sources/ historiography is the most important skill in history (and the one that leads to critical reasoning skills, which are beneficial in wider context).

Have you and your son looked at anything to help him understand analysing sources? Identifying whether they are primary or secondary? Any biases etc.

Regardless of whether he studies A level or not, this will really help this year and going forward.

I also think he needs to learn a note-making method in class. This will help him learn the specific topics he is studying this year, and help with revision techniques.

It is also important to have wider routines - if he is not sleeping enough/ missing deadlines this will make studying so much harder. Easier said than done - but this is something that needs to be looked into.

This. I’m a teacher (30 years ). The tutor is doing everything right. If he gets a 5 at GCSE he is most likely to end up with an E or U at A level- not in every case of course but most likely.

Can you really not see why some people think this is a wind-up? You’re on tutor number 3 for history, your son doesn’t make any notes and doesn’t really seem to know what is going on. History is an analytical subject that needs good essay writing skills. You’re throwing a lot of money and resource at a subject he isn’t that good at. I’m really not sure why you are adamant that a-level is a good idea. I got an old money A* for history with very little revision because I was naturally good at it and enjoyed it. A-level was still a step up both in terms of skills required but also the independent work required.

Cod wars?

The poor tutor. I’m sure they can do without the stress of you & your DS.

The tutor needs to have a clear idea of what topics are being studied for so they can adequately support. From what I’ve read there seems to be a disconnect here with your son giving him wrong information, which is understandable- he’s a child and all children learn differently and have different learning needs.
Does the tutor have a full copy of the content and what is being covered when to be able to support him correctly?

There are two things that he needs to be successful in the exams- the subject knowledge and retaining that subject knowledge through study and recall techniques that work for him. It is fair that the tutor would want to look for gaps in knowledge but finding recall techniques that work for your son is key as well.

As an experienced educator I don’t believe that anyone is ‘not good at a subject’. What I believe is people have different barriers and learning needs and these need to be addressed. Not all tutors have the relevant experience or training in this area. I talk from experience having started as a secondary school teacher and receiving very little training in this.
I’m not saying your son has special needs but he would benefit more from a tutor who has got experience in this area as they will be able to better identify strategies to support his barriers to learning in this subject.

OP, I think you are desperate for a quick fix when there is none.

Your son needs to take notes, study, write out what he has learnt in bullet points on a topic, see his knowledge gaps and fill them in.

There is no short cut to avoid reading and rereading the course material.
That is how it is learnt.

If he is thinking of it beyond A level, surely he should be invested in learning tha material now.

I think the tutor sounds very patient, and realistic about your son.

It reads as if your son is lazy and is expecting mum to figure it out for him.

You cannot do the exams for him.
I think you need to toughen up big time, for his sake as much as yours.

Oh dear OP I can feel your frustration through your posts, but you are getting good advice both here and from the tutor.

There is a clear disparity between what you say about your DS and how he is behaving though.

You say: he enjoys history and wants to do it at A-level.

But he isn’t behaving, in any way as if that is actually the case.

He isn’t taking notes in class.
He clearly isn’t even paying attention in class
He isn’t making an effort to attend his tutorials on time.
He isn’t making an effort to be prepared for his tutorials.
He isn’t making an effort to increase his history knowledge by reading let alone revising.

None of that signals “love of history” or “desperately wants to do well enough for A-level” to me (and mind maps will fix none of the above)

GCSE and A level grades are acquired through hard work and effort on the child’s part.

You’ve had lots of conversations with the tutor about how he isn’t performing up to your expectations - you might want to start with some serious conversations with your son about what he actually wants and how much effort he’s prepared to put in.

I’m only up to here. I can tell you op, that if you brought your attitude to me as a tutor, you would also be getting a ‘sorry, I’m fully booked’ response from me. I am not remotely surprised 2 prior tutors wouldn’t take you on, and think what you’ve said about the tutor so far, that he is an absolute saint. I am getting quite bored of the current trend of some parents blaming the teacher when the problem is simply that their child isn’t capable.

God save us from the products of this type of parenting. Get real, @SoCloseToNothing1981. Your child - despite having numerous tutors is clearly not academic enough to be doing A levels in any subject unless he gets a 6 or above in them. The jump from GCSE to A level is really quite significant - and your child is being both taught at school AND by an experienced one on one tutor. Sounds like he may scrape through with scaffolding but a child should not be doing something for A level that they needed tutoring for at GCSE in the absence of some really extenuating circumstance.

You seem deluded and with a combination of very strong opinions on what constitutes good tutoring (newflash - only a tiny bit is about "exam and revision technique"). But your constant excusing of both yourself and your child in terms of misssing zooms, being let down by tutors and having a terrible time with the course suggests the issue is very much you. Not every child is academic - sounds like yours may not be - and that's ok.

Sounds like the tutor is being honest and professional. His suggestion of your son swapping courses means he loses a client/fees.

Like others have said, focussing on revision techniques is a bit daft if there are big gaps in your son's knowledge of the subject.

I am also wondering how the subject of mindmaps came up?

Was it with OP's friend, who is her friend and therefore unlikely to say 'Honestly, the issue is your son isn't bright and doesn't do the work' so suggested some revision tips.

Or was it the son, who has cottoned on that if he blames everyone for not giving him revision tips then it isn't his fault when he does badly?

FWIW mindmaps didn't exist when I was at school, I've had a look and my gut reaction was 'that's confusing and time consuming, I'd never bother with that'. They are going to help some people but won't be for everyone.

If he's no good at analysing source material or essay writing, Philosophy and Ethics is a terrible idea.

Honestly, she might not be, you absolutely get parents like this. Every other child in the class gets it, their kid doesn’t and yet somehow it’s your teaching that’s the problem. Um.

Exactly. What can he put in the mind maps if he doesn't know say the key causes of the first world war?

But anyway OP - you clearly know exactly how tutoring should work so I am very surprised you don't just do it yourself with your little history afficionado

Significant amount of maths in economics OP - how is his maths?

I haven’t read all posts but I have read all of OP’s replies and it seems the problem here is that OP wants her son to learn how to revise. Yes that’s excellent he does need to know how to revise. However the fact he seems to have 0 knowledge of the actual subject means he has nothing to revise in the first place. What he needs to do is be taught and learn or be taught how to learn and absorb that knowledge first before he even thinks about revising.

I for example know nothing about veterinary medicine, I can’t simply use my knowledge on how to revise for my various GCSE subjects to revise on a subject I know nothing about.

Actually philosophy A level is not really about using reasoning; it's much more a test of did you understand what xxx philosopher said and wrote, or what philosophical terms mean.

Sample questions from paper 1:
What is the difference between a necessary truth and a contingent truth?

Explain how the argument from hallucination presents an issue for direct realism.
Outline indirect realism and explain Berkeley’s objection that mind-dependent ideas cannot be like mind-independent objects.
To what extent is Descartes’ intuition and deduction thesis successful?

Pretty much based in knowledge of the facts and (for the last one) arguing your viewpoint. But you need to know what the thesis was.

Philosophy A level is not offered that often tbf. And in fact the OP mentioned phil and ethics which is basically RS. Still lots of facts and theories to learn and evaluate.

“He hasn’t replied yet”

I expect he is busy making himself a mind map of everything he would like to say to you.