MIL not sleeping over our house being too cold

[lilseb]

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

Our house obviously didn’t get that memo. Zero mould issues and the thermostat is set at 16 degrees.

As an adult I'm ok with 16c provided I don't have to sit still too long. At home it's easy to keep active. Much harder for babies and visitors to move around the house!

I wouldn't have it at 16c in autumn/winter now that I have young children. They don't always realise they're cold until they start shivering. And baby might be fine layered up but what's the room temperature for nappy changes, undressing, baths?
I'd be worried about air quality too. You can't keep windows open if you're not heating the house properly. Cold, damp, stale air grows mould spores faster than anything! Even if you can't see or smell the mould.

Our heating is currently set to come on when the main thermostat drops below 20. However, bedrooms with less sun and in particular the rooms over the garage/porch get to around 16 before the main thermostat reads below 20. Could your house be similar?

I simply don't understand when people are too mean to put on their heating /turn it up(if they have the financial resources to do so) .
I have previously been in a position where I had no heating and no money to put it on (when I had it).
I really appreciate my lovely warm home now and never take it for granted.
Stinginess is a truly unattractive trait

16 is way too cool for a baby and you just be freezing !

We have ours set to 19 and that’s us being tight arses. 16 is pretty cold, and even at 19 we are all sat under blankets on the sofa. We are considering turning it up a notch!

Do you have a thermometer in the bedrooms? A house with a single thermostat in the hallway will often be cooler in the outer rooms, where the heat is lost much more quickly. Your bedroom could only be 13 or 14 degrees, which is far too cold.

Our heating is set to come on during the day if it drops below 18 during the day/evening and 13 overnight.

16 for day/evening would be too cold for me.

I think you’re right that your mil has said her piece and now she needs to butt out. However, I also think you need to turn the heating up while your baby is so little. 19-20 during the day and then let it cool down over night if you must, but sleep close to your baby to monitor them.

My husband and I disagree on the heating/our duvet etc but when the baby was small he conceded that we had to make sure the house was warm enough for him. I think unless you’re in severe financial difficulties, your husband needs to let go of his control over the heating for a little bit.

Presume he’s also not the one who’s at home most of the time? you need to be able to make decisions about your space.

All advice is that babies shouldn't sleep in rooms which are too warm, The Lullaby Trust, who advise on baby health say 16°-20° is ideal, so you're at the lower end of that, but definitely still in safe temperature range. Share the official advice with your MIL and tell her you're doing the best thing to lower risk of over-heating, SIDS etc...: www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/room-temperature/

The optimum temperature for sleep is 16-18 degrees so whilst on the lower end of that, you are in the correct range.

During the day we have ours at 19 or 20 degrees which is warm enough for us.

Definitely too cold. Needs to be 18-20

That’s fine for overnight whilst sleeping in the cot and in a gro bag. The baby is 5 months old and will soon be crawling on the floor and will be cold if the heating is at 16 during the day.

If you had a gro egg the light would be blue! 16 degrees is chilly 🥶

16 degrees is our overnight temperature. During the day it is set to 19. Occasionally this feels a bit chilly if we are just sitting about and we put it up to 20.
if your house is 16 during the day it must be colder than that overnight.
I would personally find 16 far too cold during the day unless I was doing lots of housework and being active

I’m in a new build , very well insulated house ,but 16 is too low , it’s a waste of time putting it on for all the heat you’d feel , I’d have 18 as a minimum

Im clearly in the minority here and with you OP. Our house is on the cooler side and suits us. I’ve turned the heating on twice this autumn so far, and both times the DC made such a fuss about it being ‘boiling’, my youngest got a cold flannel to put on their head for bedtime 😂
I just turned around to DH and said what temperature do you think the room is at the moment, he said “dunno, probably 16c at the most”
We are fine! All sleep fantastically and aren’t ill. Live in an old draughty house with very old double glazing.
Your baby is fine. You’re dressing them appropriately with the tog rating sleeping bag. It’s far more dangerous for them to be too hot.

We run a nursery and the minimum temp for a baby sleep room is 18 degrees. Babies cannot regulate their own temperature well and it's much better to have the room a decent temperature than to put them in lots of layers. Can you use an additional heater to warm babies room.

I fear the money you save in heating bills will be lost if the house gets damp from being kept at such a cold temp.

I have a 10 month old and our heating is permanently set to 17 degrees. My partner is also a tight arse with the heating, but before our son was born we did a bit of an experiment and switched the heating from only coming on at certain times of day, to being ‘always on’. We found that it worked out more cost efficient to keep the house at one consistent temperature, rather than let it drop down lower at periods of the day and then bring the temp back up/pay to run additional heaters.

We have an old house but 17 works for all of us, and we find that our son’s room is warmer if we keep the door shut as much as possible. We also had the dangers of overheating drilled into us when he was first born. If a baby is too cold they will let you know!

16 is when I’d put the heating ON!

16 degrees?! With a baby?! That’s insanely cold and dangerous if baby is very small.

Ours is on 22 c and comfortable there.

Well OP hasn't done her research as they are going against advice and her house is too cold. MIL is (understandably) worried about her very young GC plus her son I expect. Don't think anyone is advocating for them to turn the heating up to max, just a couple of degrees or so during the day for the baby's health - plus theirs

And during the day it's too cold (according to guidelines) so they aren't doing the best thing for their baby's health (or theirs).

Thermostat settings can be altered and doesn’t necessarily mean it is actually the room temperature. When it was installed it didn’t occur to me that it would show anything other than the actual temperature, give or take.

Ours used to show 22deg and it would feel cool. I have now altered the setting so what was 22deg is now 19deg on the display, which feels about right. I could alter it again to make it display 16deg instead of 19deg and join the competitive under-heating threads.

So there’s probably no point people comparing their temperature settings as one person’s 16deg maybe the same as another’s 22deg.

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/room-temperature/
how is OP going against advice? Lullaby trust clearly state 16-20°c which means 16, 17, 18, 19 and 20°c are all advised room temperatures. There is a higher risk of SIDS if a baby overheats

I'm sorry but I'm with the mil on this one. You can't be a tight arse with a baby around.