MIL not sleeping over our house being too cold

[lilseb]

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

Maybe some electric heaters in the rooms. Those space heater type, that look like wood stoves.
It sounds cold for a baby. 19 or 20 is cozier for a baby. (And me)

I think it depends how you are living your life in the house, up and rushing about all the time, going out to work during the day, its probably fine. Sitting working at home I would be really uncomfortable. Ultimately you get used to how you run your own house, I used to live in a house with no working heating but now have got used to being warm and feel cold when I go to my mums house.

16 degrees is bloody ridiculous. You may as well not bother. Im not surprised your mil is worried. Poor baby must be freezing

16 is the min for a baby room. Its 16 to 20 but ive always had my baby room at 20 and she's absolutely fine. I just dont overdress her. Your house is too cold, Im sorry.

And thats the other side of ridiculous.

I occasionally boost to 21, but normally stick around 20

16 is cold for me, and definitely too cold for a newborn. My heating is set at 24.

Despite your ‘correction’ from up to 16 to minimum 16, you are BU. Thermostats go ‘up to’ the temperature you set them, then switch your heating off. 16 is too low - the absolute minimum temperature to house a new born in.
And the 16 - 20 degree guidance is for a sleeping baby, swaddled etc.

The bigger problem appears to be your OH.
‘He’s a tight arse’, so this temperature management isn’t about what’s comfortable, it’s about minimising spend on heating.
With a new baby, this will prove to be the tip of the iceberg, and you are going to need to get yourself a spine and advocate for your child’s health and interests in the face of a man focused only on money.

Good luck to you and the baby xx

I think it’s fine as long as everyone is dressed warmly. Not all houses are new builds. We keep ours generally around 16c (we have plenty of money for heating oil, but it’s a big house and it’s wasteful to heat it all if we’re comfortable, if it’s 18 it’s too hot). When our eldest was born we lived in a draughty old cottage and it took running the heating plus an electric heater to get a room up to 18c.

If you’re happy with it, it’s fine. Humans haven’t really evolved living in super warm climate controlled environments. If you were unwell or uncomfortable, okay sure. But if you’re okay with it that way, I think it’s fine.

16 is far too cold.

If you want the house to sit at 17C comfortably, you need to be heating it to 18/19 a couple of times a day, then it will naturally drop to a more ambient lower temps.

We have our heating on twice a day for 1.5hrs, heat to 21, and it drops to a comfortable 18/19.. any colder and we struggle (both have arthritis)

my bedroom is kept at a steady 19 overnight and its comfortable with a duvet and short sleeves.

We bought a dyson heater with a view to saving money by heating the room we were in rather than the whole house, but going from our energy meter, it seemed to cost more to run the dyson than it did to run the central heating, so if cost is the main reason, you might want to check the costs out.

I agree I would be too cold with heating on at 16. We usually leave it off during the day and put it on at 20 in the evening.

I wouldn't mind sleeping in 16c, but it is too cold to be comfortable during the day. Especially with a baby in the house.

This entire thread, but for a few normal people, it's berating OP for being such a terrible mother trying to cryofreeze her own baby by not living in the rainforest biome of the bloody Eden project 😂.

If OP is comfortable then what is the issue? If you're comfortable at 25°c then that's fine too - I would find it unbearable but wouldn't judge you cos you're a whole different person to me.

For my family getting above 18 is uncomfortable in the house. Even though the 16yo will go & lay in the extreme heat of the conservatory when it's summer he finds the artificially heated house deeply uncomfortable & makes him bunged up.

Personally - I cannot bear being too warm cos it's harder to cool down than it is to stick some thick socks on. but this is my family & what feels normal for us in our part of the country.

16C is quite cool for internal temperatures in Autumn/Winter.

I put mine at 19C most of the time, which feels just about okay with a t-shirt and jumper.

Blimey a first on MN - most people siding with the interfering MIL. i also agree 16 degrees is cold. We have a large stone house and only DH and I here most of the time.

The large kitchen sitting room is always warm as there is a Rayburn on all the time which heats the water. It's usually around 20 degrees.

We have installed underfloor electric in the bathrooms to heat them. (fab). There's a stove in the lounge which we light at night and we also use heated fur blankets. We dechill the bedroom with an electric blanket and electric heater for 30 mins before bedtime.
The main heating is oil which costs a fortune to run. We only really put it on when we've visitors ( as it's important they are comfortable) or once a week in the depth of winter to warm through the unused rooms. If there's a really cold snap we also have the heating on.

I'd just make the point that loads of people saying they would be uncomfortable at that temperature means baby could be too, even if not crying.

Builder husband here we have built our home and all stats are set at 18 degrees bar the living room which is set 10 degrees. builders recommend 18 degrees not only for comfort but to help keep a house I good condition too..too cold a house causes damage. I am sorry am with your mil. Once cold seeps into your bones it's very hard to heat up. 16 degrees too cold

Ours is set at 23, 16 is way too cold for me but if you can’t afford it then you have to live to what you can afford. However if you are having to use extra heaters surely that isn’t cost effective?

16C is so cold. I think 18C should be the minimum especially with a baby. We keep our house at 20C-22C.

I wouldn’t even want to let my house get to 16C in the summer with the AC on when it’s 30C outside. In the winter when it’s cold out, I would never be able to warm up if the house was 16C.

Our house is around 19/20°C, 16 would be too cold for me. Sometimes I can see on a cold night that our bedroom drops to 15/16 and it feels cold.

16 is too low for a constant temp. A comfortable & energy efficient temp is recommended at between 18-21 during the day & 16-20 at night

Jesus @lilseb youre getting roasted (😜) here!
Our house usually sits around 17, we don’t usually turn the heating on until it hits 16 and even then we just put a jumper on first.
Once the heating is on it is rarely past heat to 19*, if ever 🤔

Is your bedroom above a garage? I ask because ours is and it is so much noticeably colder than my 2 kids bedrooms.

We have an electric heater on in our room to boost the temp a bit over the winter.

Maybe keep the house at 17* but I honestly don’t see the problem with it for this time of year x

OP has done her research and is doing the right thing for her baby. MiL should take the time to listen and understand. To say she is losing sleep worrying about her grandchild when her grandchild is being very well cared for is ridiculous.
I am much more worried about the people who are choosing temperatures that are known to be far too hot for a baby and increase the risk of SID.

16 is way too cold i have a 6 mo and our heating is at 22 I'm with your mil here sorry.

We have ours at 17.5 the majority of the time at night ours will drop to 15 which gets a bit chilly. I think with a young baby 18 would be ideal.

16 degrees is ridiculous. Why live like that?!