MIL not sleeping over our house being too cold

[lilseb]

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

I could live with 16°C, and so could my children, but it is definitely on the chilly side, and my mother and MIL would not be able to deal with it. You’ve got to remember older people feel the cold more too.

So whilst YANBU to have your house the temperature you want it, and your MIL is being unreasonable to whinge on at you… she is not being unreasonable to not want to stay in your house if it’s chilly.

It’s also a fan and an air purifier. We use it if/when we need it.

It isn't really your MiLs business as I don't think 16 degrees is harmful but it is cold. Especially if the heating is only on morning and night, which means it must actually be more like 14/15 in the middle of the day or night. We have ours set to 20 but on a timer so it'll be more like 18 ish in between the heating coming on. I run holiday cottages and the temps in them are all set to 21 -23 and even then most guests will turn the thermostat up. 16 is definitely colder than most people have their homes or feel comfortable with. If you've moved bedrooms to avoid the cold, maybe just put the heating on more (also gas central heating is so much more efficient than the dyson/electrical heaters so it's a false economy, I'd turn radiators off in rooms you don't use but put the radiator in your own bedroom on to max and actually use your central heating to do it's job)

16 is freezing. 25 is comfortable in living areas, 18-20 for bedrooms. I stand with your mother. Both you and your husband need to get a grip.

What do you suppose happens to babies born in countries with a warmer climate than ours?

16 degrees? Your house is bloody cold. 🥶

16 is cold esp for babies…our thermostat is set to about 20, master bedroom is around 18 with window slightly cracked soon as I prefer it cooler but when my kids were little, esp babies, I made sure their nursery and living areas were always warm..

You know babies manage to survive in hot countries? 16 degrees is too cold for most people

At 16C you are likely to have trouble with mould, which is obviously not good for babies (or you or your property). 18C is much more sensible, as you have some leeway in the temp between the heating turning off and back on. It's also better for mould prevention.

25 inside is pretty warm I'd say, although depends if you're wearing t shirts or jumpers I suppose.

Then people wonder why the British have the highest percentage of people with respiratory problems in Europe:

• At temperatures at or below 19 degress celcius the house will develop mould even if it is well insulated and has double glazed windows in every room. (No, 5 centimetres of insulation does not equal well insulated)
• If you also dry your clothes or even some of them indoors you will risk causing mould issues in your home.
• children are more at risk for developing serious health problems from exposure to mould than adults are.
• if your immune defence system is under attack from mould, being cold will make you more likely to get ill.

16 degrees is too cold for a baby. An acceptable room temperature is between 18-21 degrees but babies and older people need it to be a bit hotter because they don’t move as much.
I used to have ours on at around 21 degrees when the children were small. Now it’s usually between 18 and 20. When my parents and in laws come over (75+) we have to increase by a degree or 2 or they complain of being cold.

I've been busy around the house today in a vest top and joggers and just checked the thermostat- its 16 degrees. DD is wearing tshirt and leggings, DS shorts and hoodie. No-one is particularly cold. I'm putting the heating on now because the temp is dropping outside but by the time it gets to 19 we'll all be too warm i expect. No mould and no respiratory conditions here.

I have mine at 18 but that is because we get warm quickly, other people complain my house is cold. Even I would be very cold at 16.

I’m hot natured and that would be too cold for me.

No, you stated you set your thermostat is set to 16, so that's your maximum really as your heating will shut off as soon as it hits that temperature. 16 is too cold for a newborn baby. You shouldn't have to be using a 3.5tog sleepsuit. You seem to know this as you've moved rooms. Your MIL is right - put the heating on

16 degrees IS too cold. Should be around 19.

16 degrees!! And being sparse and a tight arse with heating. . . . It’s far too cold, almost uncomfortably so. I think ‘room temperature’ is considered to be around 20/21 degrees. If it’s too cold, it will get damp and then you will have mould appearing and that is dangerous especially for a baby. If you are parents, you need to be responsible and stop being tight, put the heating on and set the thermostat to a sensible level. Your MIL is right. Also spending money on heaters etc is more expensive on the electricity bills. You’ll feel terrible if your baby is ill come the winter, when it does get properly cold, they can’t regulate their temperature remember.

Why don’t you put a jumper on instead of the heating? If you can tolerate 16 with a vest on, surely all you need is a light cardigan?

Your MIL is pissing off her son because she thinks he is being too stingy and controlling over money/heating to your detriment and that of your baby. She's also refusing point blank to come over despite it meaning not spending as much time with her grandchild to show she is serious about this.

She's on your side (well, the baby's, but yours as well).

She's a keeper.

I’m with MIL on this . 16 is too cold 🥶

Just to add another perspective, but it’s a new home, right? And perhaps a relatively new build? Our house is about 15 years old, well insulated and has electric heating all around. We have to set our thermostats on each radiator, which is actually quite good because we can adjust for each room. They are mostly set to 18 currently.
However, when we moved in we had to put them at 22, because the house was empty for a while before we moved in, and it takes a while for a house to properly heat up. It took us a few months to actually feel like we were warm in our own home! This was about 3 years ago. Once you’re on top of it, it’s a lot easier to maintain, but it takes a bit of effort to get there.

I dry my clothes indoors with a dehumidifier and open windows every single day
I’ve lived here 19 years, the heating is usually 16-18c and I’ve never ever had a mould issue - I air the house and the dehumidifier takes out water
21c and above is physically uncomfortable for me as I’m allergic to heat

Exactly this. The guidelines are too cautious. My babies were too cold if I followed it strictly too. Essentially I work with an extra layer (short sleeved vest usually, or sleepsuit rather than long sleeved vest etc) than what they say

It isn't unreasonable for the MIL to be worried, she's concerned about the baby and I would be too (not so much about the night time temperature but more about the house being cold during the day and the possibility of damp).
She's also worried about her son's asthma. I would be less concerned about this because he's an adult and choosing to do it to himself should he have an asthma attack. If the temperature at work falls below 16 degrees sedentary workers can refuse to work. I was in an office in an old building that was at this exact temperature, we had a thermometer on the wall. It was horrible, I couldn't concentrate, my hands were freezing. If the baby isn't always wrapped up warm in a cot he'll be miserable.