To think it’s weird when women say they point out pretty women to their men?

[MyAmusedOpalCrab]

I keep seeing women say they’ll nudge their partner and go “she’s stunning” or “look at her body!” like it’s proof they’re confident or chill. And while I get not being insecure, it just feels performative at times, like they’re trying too hard to be the “cool” girlfriend or wife.

What really gets me is you’re not doing the same thing with men. You’re not pointing out hot guys to your man and comparing them to him. So what’s the actual dynamic here?

AIBU to think it’s kind of weird and maybe rooted in something more than just confidence?

I do it all the time! I think women look at other women’s bodies just as much, but in a more appreciative fashion. If I see a woman with an amazing figure I think “bloody hell girl, I can see you’ve worked had for that body and you look amazing”. DH and I are really in to the gym and muscle building though, so we both notice when a woman, or man, has put effort in to their bodies.

Sometimes some women are just gorgeous though, and I definitely point that out.

That a really judgemental statement, and one that I think that lack's intelligence it more a sign of two people who are confident in they relationship and in themselves , and the same as saying it to your mate

It’s not what your other posts say. Nobody wants an old bloke staring at them.

Oh for goodness sake. Read my posts properly and stop making them out to be what they are not.

DH does not and never has stared at any woman or man even when he was young. Yes believe or not he was young once. In fact only 22 when we married.

Just show me which of my posts says me and/or DH ogle anyone. I occasionally (very occasionally because honestly there are really not that many attractive people around) will say something like "that girl/woman is pretty" or "that man is goodlooking". I don't shout it. I don't point to them. DH doesn't start holding up scoring paddles. He may say "yes" or he may nod and we then talk about something else - the weather, what we are going to have to eat, where we are taking our dog, or a million other things.

We talk all the time about everything and anything - something some posters don't seem to comprehend. Maybe you and your partners don't really talk (plenty of couples don't). We do. We are best friends (something else so many here find odd) and best friends talk.

Anyway I am not posting any more and in future I shall make sure I only ever point out ugly people to DH and make sure to make a big song and dance about it

Perhaps you and your elderly husband could not objectify any women, whether she’s attractive or not, or as you say, ugly.

I have good legs, I often get other women come up to me and say this. Not once have I ever felt objectified, why would I??

I do this because I am bisexual and my partner is not. I point out hot men and well dressed women with one of my gay friends, though.

Not sure why you and a few other posters would think the subject of good-looking men is off limits. I don't comment on random people's attractiveness a huge amount but yes, sometimes there'll be context for DP or I mentioning a man is particularly good-looking.

It's actually interesting to see what the other one perceives as "good-looking". I'm not attracted to women sexually so when a woman catches my eye visually it's often because I look her style or overall aesthetic, or because I appreciate that she's obviously put a lot of work into her exercise. I find that when DP (and other straight men) speak admiringly of how another man looks, it's always a ripped gym bro with cartoonish muscles who looks like a roided-up potato to me, which is the same thing from the other side. When we do talk about good-looking people we can both end up being very "if you say so, dear".

I think you’re misunderstanding the tone of these interactions, which is obviously difficult to convey in writing.

I don’t do it ‘all the time’; this isn’t a daily occurrence and not anything that’s made a big deal of. It’s not about encouraging my DP to assess anyone’s attractiveness or check out women - I’m not saying ‘Phwoaar, get a look at her’ as someone walks past. That would indeed be grim. Neither of us would ever do that.

I just see a comment on someone being attractive as a being neutral, incidental observation if I’m describing someone. I notice all sorts of things about all sorts of people and that might be one of them. To me, observing that our tour guide had an incredibly beautiful face as well as being a brilliant guide was no different to, eg, observing that the man who ran the cafe where we got breakfast each morning looked a lot like my DP’s Uncle Malcolm. Or that our slightly odd neighbours always dress very similarly to each other, or that Claudia Winkleman has incredibly shiny hair, or that Andy Burnham has eyelashes worthy of a mascara advert.

We all notice things about other people all the time. Someone being remarkably attractive is one of a billion things I might notice or mention when I’m talking about them, and I don’t see anything degrading about that.

And yes, I would definitely be just as likely to make an observation about a man - as would DP.

Neither of us are making constant comments on how hot people are or anything; this isn’t a massive deal at all. But it’s also not a banned topic of conversation or anything either of us is bothered by.

Why do you care OP? It’s a bit weird to be bothered about this…

Probably because you're a well adjusted person who enjoys compliments - I know I do 😉.

Sorry for the well adjusted swipe ,but I'm getting sick of the very personal digs implying that we're all some kind of pervs that go around objectifying women 🙄 - it's getting ridiculous now.

If I had ever done this, DH would ask what was the matter with me!