To think it’s weird when women say they point out pretty women to their men?

[MyAmusedOpalCrab]

I keep seeing women say they’ll nudge their partner and go “she’s stunning” or “look at her body!” like it’s proof they’re confident or chill. And while I get not being insecure, it just feels performative at times, like they’re trying too hard to be the “cool” girlfriend or wife.

What really gets me is you’re not doing the same thing with men. You’re not pointing out hot guys to your man and comparing them to him. So what’s the actual dynamic here?

AIBU to think it’s kind of weird and maybe rooted in something more than just confidence?

I have a ‘beautiful’ dd who, when we are out and about, everyone feels perfectly entitled to gawp at, ask for photos with (yes really), glare at (usually women), try to touch or engage in conversation. It has affected her since she was a school girl when cars would screech up and tell her to get in, or men would leer and comment on her in vile sexual ways.

It was miserable for her and now she’s completely jaded about men, and the female handmaids that either hate her for no reason other than how she looks, or collude with the objectifying.

If you comment on random women and judge their ‘beauty’, and especially if you encourage men to join in, just don’t.

I agree op. I think it's deeply odd and try hard tbh.

Last year I did nudge dh and subtly point out a topless woman on a beach in Mallorca. But it was because she had the hugest set of rock hard, round fake boobs i've ever seen. They were honestly like footballs glued on, the bottoms of them were close to her belly button so I was 😲. Never seen the like.

Personally I don’t do it but I think it’s only okay when it’s both ways. Just pointing out women just gives a whole imbalance and just proves women are more objectified, and yet again giving a man what he wants but not the other way round.

This is one of the most gross things I’ve read.

Honestly, if some women can point out hot women to their DP, genuinely without an ulterior motive, I have to say, I really envy them! I would really like to not care and be chilled about my DP noticing and being attracted to other women. I personally really don't like it, and I don't seem to be able to change that, however much I've tried to rationalise it. I fully admit I am insecure though...!

If i see a beautiful woman, I qould point it out to my husband. Id do the same if it was an unusually attractive male as well. I dont see why that makes me a cool wife/pick me?

@Disturbia81 why on earth is that gross? It's not sexual. Youth & vitality are lovely & I think it makes older people wistful or nostalgic.

@Olivetawny I am not saying it isn't just that as you get older, youth & all that it means eg carefree etc becomes more attractive. It's why people look back on old photos of themselves & see beauty whereas at the time they didn't.

I have never ever seen or heard any woman say this, and I have never said it myself.

I’ve never come across any woman doing this. It all sounds very odd.

I used to model (badly) & have met some beautiful people through that. I have seen male models who are very handsome etc but I'm not attracted to them.

Hmm, just discussed this thread with DH, we are old and white and very not cool 😂, been together a very long time etc, only last night we were at an event where we met and chatted with the most beautiful young black woman, lovely personality, perfect skin, lovely eyes and her hair, oh my word! After we left I said to Dh,' wasn't she just the most gorgeous person you've seen in a long time'? He agreed, no doubt about it. DH is a gentleman, he would have been in no doubt at all that this girl would have no interest in him beyond being a friendly individual and yes, I agree with @walkingmad as you get older you realise the true beauty of youth. For most of us, our youth and beauty are not something we recognised when we had it, such a shame!

I look back at myself now, I was lovely, spent far to long worrying about the shape of bum and my wonky teeth, I feel so sorry for the girls that have gone the surgery/filler route and have made themselves clones of each other and look 10 years older that they are.

I've never seen it IRL, but there's enough MN posts of "I said to DP that X was hot, he agreed, now I'm really upset" for me to believe it happens.

I'm a bit surprised by all these men apparently wandering around not noticing these incredibly hot beautiful women/massive topless boob jobs/perfect bums in thong bikinis until their partners point them out.

If I see a woman who I think looks great I will say so to whoever I happen to be with.

But usually it will be to do with her outfit. Or I might say, 'wow she's stunning/fit/really pretty.' If I think it I will say it, there's no ulterior motive involved whatsoever.

I'd like to think other women might occasionally say the same about me. Maybe not that I'm stunning, but at least that I've a cute outfit on.

@thebabessavedme I'm glad someone has comprehension skills on here!

@GettingFestiveNow I certainly notice a fit young man, I may even flirt a little 😂I notice a friend of our DDs (in her 30s) has the ability to make my DH blush, I have a friend who is about 15 years older than my DH who goes all silly and girlish around him, she admits it and it makes us all laugh, its just being human, dosent mean we are about to jump into bed, just shows we still have some fire in our veins 😂

Neither me or dh pay enough attention to other people to notice random attractive people. I may sometimes mention a friend's beauty (male or female) but usually only in relation to a specific event like, "oh Maria looked absolutely stunning at her party".

Well, obviously, I don't need to comment on another woman's looks but then I don't really need to comment about a dog, a beautiful flower, a cat (shall I go on?). I am a talker and I comment on lots of different things - buildings, trees, animals etc.

I don't comment that often about woman. It's not like it's every day, more like once or twice a year if that.

If I see a stunning woman or man and I am with DH I will likely comment probably because it is not that common to see someone I think is very attractive.

I have never gawped at anyone male or female, young or old and do find that very very weird.

If I comment and, as I say, it's pretty rare, I don't do it loud enough for the person to hear and am not "encouraging" DH to join in.

What a non-issue.
I say to whoever I'm with, man or woman, that someone is beautiful. I'll tell the person too.
I do the same with cars and houses too.
I appreciate beautiful things and beautiful people.

You were rude saying "you think it's ok so fucking what" and saying "so bore off" is pretty rude too. Not sure why what I do in my marriage bothers you but there you go

Yes I am happy to do it and have a happy and secure marriage.

I point out lots of beautiful things, what's the big deal? It's not weird ffs.

I am not cool, or young and I'm also a bit of a munter. None of these things bother me, that's life!

@mydogisthebest I think there's a lot of projection, insecurity and failure of imagination in some of these attacks against you. Noticing and/or decreetly pointing out something/someone rare or beautiful is not odd and I'm saddened by the responses you are recieving for something so harmless.

And those who think it's objectifying women , when we have clearly given other examples are batshit reaching .

Or maybe they aren’t insecure and jealous
i always appreciate a woman looking beautiful, well dressed, or just has something about her

more than happy to share that thought with my husband, why is that a problem?