To think it’s weird when women say they point out pretty women to their men?

[MyAmusedOpalCrab]

I keep seeing women say they’ll nudge their partner and go “she’s stunning” or “look at her body!” like it’s proof they’re confident or chill. And while I get not being insecure, it just feels performative at times, like they’re trying too hard to be the “cool” girlfriend or wife.

What really gets me is you’re not doing the same thing with men. You’re not pointing out hot guys to your man and comparing them to him. So what’s the actual dynamic here?

AIBU to think it’s kind of weird and maybe rooted in something more than just confidence?

It's only "really really weird" to you. It's not like I am pointing out an attractive woman or man every day. It's not often at all. It's also not a matter of looking round for someone attractive. Unless you walk around with your eyes closed you see people, you see animals, you see trees etc etc etc etc. I appreciate beauty in all things.

Do you never think an actor or singer is attractive? I would find it weird if DH never found anyone attractive, Anyone who says that is a liar

i used to do this.

It was my way of creating a form of control over the wandering eye and hands of my then boyfriend. If I knew he appreciated this woman, I could keep an eye on it all.

I was in my early 20s so very young and naive.

I actually do comment to DH if I see a very good looking man because they are super rare. Tbf so are good looking women but women can make themselves look more attractive, I did point out a beautiful older lady to DH, she had amazing bone structure.

I will notice a woman more for her style & outfit choice tbh which DH isn't interested in.

I think age makes a difference, getting older makes youth more beautiful!

I occasionally say “she’s a beautiful woman” say if our server was particularly lovely - this happened last week - but I’m not comparing or trying to be cool, I’m just pointing out a fact. I’ll often say “oo I love that woman’s outfit” too.

I think you’re either overthinking op, or looking for a reason to pick holes in other women.

I can’t imagine being so suspicious of, or invested in, the behaviour and motivations of random women and what they say to their partners. It think it’s probably internalised misogyny and I feel sorry for you, OP.

I do this about both sexes too! Like others said, I just say whatever is in my head to my husband! And I'm genuinely being complimentary.

Saying that, I think it can be an insecurity thing sometimes. I would say it to my ex because I either thought he was thinking it or before he said it first! But I always felt he was too good for me and it's a much more healthy relationship with my husband.

I bet men never point out gorgeous guys to their wives or girlfriends.

I didn’t know this was a thing and don’t think I know anyone who does this?
We only point out beautiful dogs to one another 😂

I think it's odd. I can't imagine being out with my husband (or female friends or adult daughters) and saying "look at that woman, she's beautiful". Or point out a gorgeous man, to my husband - I'm sure he'd love that. Just odd.

Yes but I don’t openly say it to DH because he doesn’t need to know who I find attractive. I watch University Challenge and think Amol Rajan is quite hot but I don’t need to tell DH that.

I find it weird that women need to comment on other women’s faces and body shape. We can appreciate the physical aesthetics of a woman but why the need to say it out loud ? I think looking a bit deeper why you need to say this needs further exploration because on some sort of unconscious level you are playing out the messages you have been brought up with .

there’s another thread running this morning, where a grandmother commented on her GDs body shape at 9 yrs old … what message is this 9 year old picking up ( had her DM not shut it down).

There is an element of the ‘cool girl ‘ vibe going on here, trying to act like you’re not threatened but are ( not by the woman’s beauty) but ‘your man’ is thinking the same and by you verbalising this you want to test if they are thinking this but not saying this … an insecurity that you want reassurance for.

Well that is where we differ. DH knows I find Vito in Strictly very attractive and sexy. He is not upset by that. In fact he agrees that Vito is an attractive man. I know he finds a few actresses attractive. Surely that is normal?

We talk all the time and tell each other everything. That is our normal

AS I said before, I am certainly not cool nor am I trying to be. Me and DH just tell each other just about everything and if I see a very attractive person, which is not that often, I will mention it,

I am certainly not trying to test my DH. We have been very happily married for 45 years and I trust him.

My DH does

I find that pointing out the looks of some random person to someone else is a weird thing to do. It's really shallow. Why no just admire quietly? Why make into a thing?

Surely you can't be naive enough to think your partner is with you because you are so beautiful and he hasn't noticed anyone else? I find it much bizarre that you might think someone is beautiful but be afraid to say it because your partner might notice, like he is too blind or stupid to have noticed without your input. I say things like this, as does DH, I don't go on about it but i might say she's beautiful or he is so handsome and DH might also note these things, same with a beautiful child.

I do sometimes point out good looking guys to my dh who is bi so I guess it's sort of the same thing, and I'd comment on a woman on TV who I think is really beautiful. I don't think either of us would do it in public/ in person because it's objectifying and a bit uncomfortable. Might say "she has gorgeous hair" but not "look at her body" that's tacky af. DH and I have similar taste in women but very different taste in men, go figure.

I wouldn't say "look at her body" but I've occasionally pointed out a really beautiful or striking person - male or female.

Age can be beautiful too!

Where do you "keep seeing" this happen?

I can't imagine being insecure enough to care if DH notices or comments on another's beauty. It seems many people here are the type to go running crying to the bathroom if their DPs look at or talk to someone attractive, this is really possessive behaviour and not a sign of a healthy relationship. Many of my friends are better looking than me as are DHs pals to him. Dh works with a lot of beautiful women, they are much better looking than me, I'd be a fool to think he can't see that and a bigger fool to get all huffy and upset if he calls them beautiful. Our relationship is not so shallow and needy.

I can't imagine being insecure enough to care if DH notices or comments on another's beauty. It seems many people here are the type to go running crying to the bathroom if their DPs look at or talk to someone attractive, this is really possessive behaviour and not a sign of a healthy relationship. Many of my friends are better looking than me as are DHs pals to him. Dh works with a lot of beautiful women, they are much better looking than me, I'd be a fool to think he can't see that and a bigger fool to get all huffy and upset if he calls them beautiful. Our relationship is not so shallow and needy.

But why do you need to comment on another woman’s looks? Why are you doing it? It’s not for the purpose of the woman ( she hasn’t heard you) , you said you don’t need reassurance from your husband, so why do it ?