Does your partner attend medical appointments with you?

[momtoboys]

I have a dear friend who attends all medical appointments with her, and visa versa. Neither of them is ill, this is for all appointments, follow-ups, annuals, a virus. They are in the exam room at all times. They also attend each others dental appointments and sit by the chair while the work is happening.

AIBU to think this is an unusual arrangement?

It depends. Not the dentist or usual GP appointments. I am a fainter so anything which may involve needles but he will wait in the waiting room.

No

but important ones it can be helpful - surgery, cancer etc

Bit odd. Do they not work? Have they always done it. I went to them when DH was seriously ill but when he recovered he went on his own.

Sounds absolutely suffocating.

Yes, weird.
If one of us needs to see a doctor and is feeling unwell, we may give one another a lift and wait in the waiting room, but that’s about it.
The dentist thing is especially weird!

As a healthcare professional , this is not ideal
Its a time for privacy , openness and the potential to disclose anything that may require escalation within safeguarding

However , I’d not refuse anyone .. maybe it’s an anxiety thing ? Or someone to confirm the information shared ? Or maybe it’s just support for each other ..
Each to their own I suppose

I cannot imagine having the energy to care about who somebody else takes to a doctor's appointment.

I'm a GP and I'd say about 50% of my patients bring someone with them to their appointment. It is completely normal.

You do you, and let your friend live her life.

I would have agreed with you and still do to an extent, but my DP likes to do this, and although I thought he was mad at first I actually do like the additional support. He doesn't insist or anything though or that would be controlling! He is literally the most laidback type. It really did help me when I went with perimenopause symptoms as he really advocated for me though.

We go on our own. Just recently the dentist invited us in together and sitting there whilst DH had his teeth cleaned and polished was not really very pleasant. We agreed we wouldn't go in together again if asked and I can't imagine how grim it would be to be there when someone had a filling or extraction.

It’s obviously unusual in that it’s uncommon.

But there might be a reason for it eg anxiety around medical stuff. Or just practical reasons.

DH and I often go to the dentist together. We have the same one, and DH can’t drive for medical reasons. He could get the bus and wouldn’t have any issue with that, but that would take 90 mins vs 20 in the car. So if we can book two back to back appointments, we do.

Why do you care?

Are you concerned it's a coercive relationship? If not concerned about that, let them be.

I had a couple of hospital appointments where I couldn't drive home so DH came with me, more as a taxi than anything else

This was only the waiting room though

We don't unless it's for anything particularly major or if help might be needed.

Never. My previous partner would come occasionally and always offered.

I was surprised when someone asked if her husband could be in the room while she had a mammogram.

Absolutely not. We are both independent adults, and neither of us need anyone with us. (Plus I think we're both entitled to a bit of privacy).
Obviously, it may be different in cases of dementia, learning difficulties etc.

I attend all my appointments alone. Dentist, doctor, all my cancer diagnosis appointments, scan results, blood tests, treatment plan appointments, the lot.
That’s how I prefer it.

No, I go alone. Unless I'm having a procedure where I need to be collected afterwards then he will wait for discharge and take me back.

But each to their own I suppose.

Why though? If she feels like it’s a vulnerable situation (breasts out and visible etc) she might appreciate a supportive partner. Those kind of appointments where chaperones might be offered feel like the most likely to have a partner.

Unless the person is considered vulnerable in some way then yeah its weird. Obviously if it was for something life changing then that's different but for bog standard issues why would they need to be there. The only other reason I could think of would be an abusive partner making sure they don't say anything about an abusive relationship

I have a fairly horrible health anxiety and a phobia of something specific that happens at the doctor (I won’t get into it). So my husband comes with me to some appointments (not all). I tend to blank out a bit and can’t recall advice or instructions very well. I also have a hard time communicating my issues properly.

No one knows this about me and I am otherwise a completely typical person with a high-flying job, two kids and lots of responsibility. I am very embarrassed about it and wish it wasn’t the case.

You never know what’s going on and it doesn’t concern you.

We might attend an appointment together if there was a lot of information to be taken in as the ill person might not be in the best place to remember everything to ask or remember the information given accurately, Standard appointments i do on my own.

No I don't, would only have them there if it was for something serious that I needed support for.

I did take a friend and an important meeting with a specialist (I was told I had MS) and few of my MRI's but not to my normal routine appointments.

I never used to, but once past 50 I lost my confidence at doctors' appointments and didn't seem to be getting the message across. When I asked my husband to accompany me, the gp unbelievably said, "I can see this is serious now, so I'd better pay attention."