Does your partner attend medical appointments with you?

[momtoboys]

I have a dear friend who attends all medical appointments with her, and visa versa. Neither of them is ill, this is for all appointments, follow-ups, annuals, a virus. They are in the exam room at all times. They also attend each others dental appointments and sit by the chair while the work is happening.

AIBU to think this is an unusual arrangement?

Aside from expecting bad news or some sort of disability, I do think it's odd and some sort of co-dependant issues. Years ago I had to do DV training and an abuser often insists on attending medical appointments with his partner.
It causes unnecessary overcrowding in hospitals, last time I was in A&E with ds there were so many extended families in with adult patients who had minor injuries. It's like a free day out for them.

No, unless we won't be allowed to drive home afterwards for whatever reason.

This

Standard appointments, no. Antenatal appointments, yes. Anything either of us were particularly worried about or was serious, yes.

Dentist usually yes because we book for the same time - we managed to get an NHS dentist but it’s an hour from us so we save on the journey costs.

Yes my husband and I accompany each other to all appointments. I thought that was normal? I see lots of couples in waiting rooms.

Well as a retired dental nurse it was more uncommon a single person coming in, most will sit and chat together etc

Usually not. I had to attend all my cancer appointments in covid by myself. I'm about to be probably diagnosed with it again next week so he is coming with me. The last time I had so many questions after I'd left the room and was totally confused. I want him there to hear it himself rather than me have to recall it later.

I don't for things like the dentist, smear tests, blood tests, GP appointments, vaccines etc but I have had my husband there for some more serious appointments where I felt like I may be bombarded with information or may need a bit of support.

I do find your friends set up a bit odd, but I suppose each to their own.

My husband came with me to my appointment to talk about menopause. We had talked about it before the appointment and I felt it was importance for him to be there and to be aware of my health needs at this time in my life.

I don't know if it's different now but when I was attacked by my ex and he eventually agreed to take me to A&E he stayed in the room the entire time and I kept wishing someone would ask him to leave but they never did 😔

My other half comes to my hospital and doctor appointment with me for the last nearly 2 years as I have been very poorly and my memory is bad and the doctor will sometimes come out with stuff I really need to remember so that's why I need him.

I hate that I am saying this but I do take my husband to appointments that I anticipate may be difficult.

Medical misogyny is rife unfortunately and women are frequently dismissed, not listened to, not believed or their health problems inappropriately attributed to psychological disorders.

We are much more likely than male patients to be prescribed antidepressants, and life threatening conditions such as heart disease and cancer are often diagnosed later, with the female patient investigated after a higher number of consultations than a male with similar symptoms.

We also receive lower doses of pain relief per unit of bodyweight, and shorter courses of antibiotics with a higher threshold for starting treatment than a male with the same condition.

Between 70 and 90% of victims of barbaric electroconvulsive treatment are female.

All of these disparities are further enhanced if you are poor, disabled or a woman of colour.

So yes I take my husband. He doesn't have to speak, he just has to sit there, 6ft and bearded, and in my experience it does make a difference to the standard of care provided.

It really, really shouldn't, but it does.

Dh has done when I have asked him to - the support is invaluable. But mostly there's no need.

I think it's when the partner always goes in consulting room also.

Can I ask why you always go together?

Good grief no, I am not a child. I dont need my husband with me to go for a dental check up.

Its not 1800.

Depends what the appointment is. Run of the mill stuff or routine hospital scans/tests then no. If its a consultant appointment or something that involves treatment then I will bring someone. DH faints at the sight of blood so I tend to bring my hard-as-nails, totally unflappable best friend for anything remotely 'gory'. The dentistry under sedation was interesting by all accounts- I called DH a variety of interesting things, told him I was going to divorce him and marry the dentist instead.

My stepdad has diabetes and some ongoing related issues with his feet and my Mum attends every appointment with him. I find it bizarre, he’s a grown Man knocking 60.

How is it your business?

For serious things dh comes with me, like scans and a breast biopsy things like that. He doesn’t come into the room he sits outside in the waiting room.
Other routine stuff no. But maybe when we’re retired and have nothing to do we’ll go to all appointments together but still can’t imagine we’ll sit in the room

Why?

Nope, my husband has only attended a couple of important ones with me.
My best friend now accompanies me to important appointments to make notes as I suffer with memory loss

No. He attended most visits when I was pregnant with DC1.
Only attended for the scans on DC2.
If I needed him, he would, but I'm more comfortable going alone.

My mum goes to every appointment with my dad.

He has very bad medical anxiety/PTSD, so doesn’t take much in. What he hears is a lot worse than what the doctor says. So she goes with him to make sure that he doesn’t get the wrong end of the stick and she can calm him down. For example, he currently has a cyst. He has been told after a previous scan it’s not cancer. He has a new scan coming up and he’s telling everyone to check whether it’s cancerous or not - it’s not, it’s to check how big it is to see how they treat it.

I go to appointments alone, im currently being assessed for MS and go to my tests and neuro appointments on my end. At the end of my last appointment, the consultant did say to feel free to bring a family member or a friend with me next time. I will probably take my mum because she really wants to come over my DH

DH came when I got a recall to the breast clinic for the results. I was fine but very nervous beforehand. Also when I had a hysteroscopy. I couldn’t have driven home afterwards.
He came recently after I had an epileptic seizure so he could help by recalling what it was like.
Gor regular appointments, no. If he gives me a life he would normally stay in the waiting room.