Does your partner attend medical appointments with you?

[momtoboys]

I have a dear friend who attends all medical appointments with her, and visa versa. Neither of them is ill, this is for all appointments, follow-ups, annuals, a virus. They are in the exam room at all times. They also attend each others dental appointments and sit by the chair while the work is happening.

AIBU to think this is an unusual arrangement?

Why?? DP and I do the dentist together as it's more efficient - we get back to back appointments so first check up and X-rays, then while X-rays are processing second check up and X-rays, back to first X-rays then second X-rays and all done. It's very relaxed and we have a nice chat with our dentist as well, it's all good.

When my ex was going through his MS diagnosis, I attended his appointments with him then - for the support, and to hear first hand about what was to be expected, anything to watch out for, and treatment options. His consultant encouraged it and gave the impression it wasn’t at all unusual. Ordinary GP visits or hospital appointments for more run of the mill stuff, no.

He comes to the dentist with me because I suffer with horrendous dentist anxiety and it's either have my husband there or have a panic attack in the waiting room and need sedation. (To be fair my two best pals have also both subbed in for him, it's more about having someone there than him specifically 🙃)

But normal doctors appts no. If it was something big like a cancer scan or something he'd come, but not for the regular stuff.

I went with someone to all their appointments when they had cancer as they were feeling anxious and wanted someone with them. However that was very specific and I wouldn't have rocked up to the dentist with them

Definitely unusual. Obviously if it was for something serious where we wanted support, we would attend with each other. So far, that has never happened. Apart from some antenatal appointments, my DH has never come with me. And I've never gone with him

Usually no.

When I was undergoing investigations to rule out cancer, yes.

No because I don't need support there.

I attend all medical appointments with my DH. He has been ill for 18 years on and off and I need to know what is going on. He rarely goes with me and can be annoying when he does as he won’t sit still and has no patience. I usually take DD with me if it’s likely to be serious.

If it's serious then I would always recommend people take someone else. I made the mistake of going to the breast clinic alone so had no-one there when I was told I had cancer.
Otherwise no.

If that's your idea of a good time, then be my guest.

But I don't see how it is "more efficient". It still must take longer for each person than going separately, even the way your describe it. And that would be even more true if there are no X-rays (which certainly don't happen every time in my experience).

The only way it might conceivably be more efficient is in saving fuel by only driving once (is it really that much?). We walk to the dentist so that's not a factor.

Wish I could've had partner with me through y cancer appointment when they wanted to discuss treatment - well talk at me really. My hearing is poor and I was supposed to sit across a room from a consultant who wore a mask and mumbled. Had no clue what she was on about tbh

Wish I had someone to take. Especially being as I have had very poor treatment in the past and the doctor in question denied it happened.

With a witness it would be much harder. I may have to settle for recording appointments instead - under the guise of “poor memory”.

We o may have one car at the moment, so I have to rely on DH to take me to appointments. Usually he’ll wait in the waiting room unless the medical issue/treatment plan is relevant to both of us - he came into all of my OBGYN appointments last year when we were navigating something very difficult and for the ongoing follow up appointments. But for just run of the mill stuff? No.

Run of the mill medical appointments - no. Hospital appointments then yes as a bit of support, but neither of us would dream of going into the appointment unless specifically asked and would wait in the waiting area. That said, I do have quite severe health anxiety, so DH was with me at the breast clinic where I was referred from the GP, and also when I had a frightening incident during the menopause (my legs gave way when I got out of bed). He took me to A&E and came in with me. He had to have a chest x-ray this morning and I went with him, waited in the waiting area and then we went off to the local coffee shop for coffee and cake (for him being brave!).

We have a joint appointment at the dentist for check ups - our dentist asked if we were comfortable doing that and we had no problems. We wouldn't do it if any treatment was required though.

I’m divorced now but even when I was married I never took my husband to a medical or dental appointment. Not only would he have been utterly useless, even if it was for something serious I’d far rather be on my own to process things before discussing them with anyone else.

I do go in with my mum for her hospital appointments though but she has Parkinson’s and a heart condition so it’s useful to hear first hand what she’s told.

Usually not unless I need a lift or it’s more serious issue like cancer last year - I really feel uncomfortable having him visit too much when I’m an inpatient too , feel guilty as he works long days. Saying that I realise I’m too the other way for example I didn’t wake him when I had a stroke a couple of years ago

No but I think people should, one will always pick up what the other didn’t and they can chat as they wait (nervously). My dad was on his own when he we told he was dying of cancer in a routine appointment and had to ring my mum and tell her to come in

We usually go on our own but occasionally have accompanied each other e.g. my husband helped advocate for me when I was getting nowhere with GPs who fobbed me off before I was eventually diagnosed with endometriosis.

To attend every single appointment with your spouse though is very odd.

Dentist no but we are back to back appointments so one in with the hygienist and the other at the check up then swap. However years ago when the children were little we had a family appointment which is normal for our dental practise, so everyone is in the room together and yes plenty of space, private dental practise.

GP appointments yes. Dh is never ill so it is rare. The last time I went I was in horrific pain (normal for me) so I cannot take all the information in but Dh can. I think it is good to have another person there to listen and also support you depending on why you are in. It does not mean we are not capable adults.

Unusual? Of course not.

I can't see why anyone would care? Someone might be too unwell to go alone, some people don't drive, very often it's much easier to have one driving and then trying to find a parking space when the other goes straight in, sometimes you can't really drive after a small procedure. Some people make a "day" out of it, as in go to medical appointment, but also run a ton of errands, have lunch while they are in town etc..

I tend to go to the doctor or dentist on my way to work ,but not everyone has that luxury nowadays. I don't even notice if other people go alone or with someone

Such a non issue.

I go with my dh as he has hearing aids and mild cognitive impairment so struggles sometimes to explain his issues and then remember what's been said. He's only been to pregnancy appts and once when I had cellulitis and couldn't really walk and definitely not drive without help.
He had a GP appt a couple of weeks ago and the GP was really off with him because he struggles to explain and she was proper snappy. When we were leaving I lingered a bit and asked if she could make a note on his records that he had this cognitive issue and to treat him with patience and respect. She had the grace to apologise. I know their busy but still. Sorry bit of a rant but it really annoyed me.

I go to DP's medical appointments with him as he has some memory loss (due to an operation on his brain many years ago), and he comes to my dental appointments as I'm absolutely terrified and would need sedating just to get through to door without him being there.

It can be a massive red flag for abuse actually.
abusive partners often make sure they are always present.

no I couldn't be in a relationship like this, I would find the dependency off putting and it would be completely suffocating. The only time I've done it is probably for surgery or if one of us has been very unwell, so for example I took my DH to the GP as he wasn't safe to drive and he went in to septic shock a few hours later.

I also can't understand couples though who go shopping for groceries together, like it's some sort of fun social occasion. I want to be in and out asap and don't need distractions, and why put 2 people through that hell, when it doesn't make the job any quicker or easier.

I’m disabled so my DH has to take me to all medical appointments but he just waits in the waiting room!

Surprised by the GP upthread that says 50% of people take someone in with them as the one time I asked my DH to come in with me the GP seemed irritated and questioned why he was there!