Does your partner attend medical appointments with you?

[momtoboys]

I have a dear friend who attends all medical appointments with her, and visa versa. Neither of them is ill, this is for all appointments, follow-ups, annuals, a virus. They are in the exam room at all times. They also attend each others dental appointments and sit by the chair while the work is happening.

AIBU to think this is an unusual arrangement?

Recording the appointment is a good idea, I haven't tried but always leave DS appointments feeling like I didn't take it all in properly.

I’d be worried they were in an abusive relationship tbh

I don’t believe 50% of Drs appointments are attended by couples but if they are then I’d be interested to know how the Dr would check that both parties are genuinely fine with it and it’s not a coercive controlling relationship. ( and asking the question in front of them both doesn’t really count. I remember having my DD and the health visitor asking me if there was any DV and my DH was sat right there. A complete fucking dogs dinner of a question )

It's definetly strange for every appointment especially non serious ones. And quite often theres safe guarding in place. For example before I see my obestrician while pregnant, the midwife sees me first and dh cant come in. Gives women a chance to be open if anything is wrong

I don’t think it’s as simple as blanket saying it must be abuse. There’s all sorts of reasons out there why it might happen

I didnt say that at all, I said in my clinic thats what happens so you have no choice but go in on your own at first. I was saying how they dont give you an option. The only opinion i gave was that i do find the non medical apppintments strange to go in with someone

Two hysteroscopies so he could hold my hand while I experienced horrific pain. It also made him fully appreciate what women go through and how much pain I could tolerate.

One consultant appointment to discuss future treatment.

But they are exceptions to dozens of appts in recent years where I usually go alone.

Do you mind telling us why ?

As so many have said, it is understandable for the 'big' ones, but why would you need, or want someone else there every time you go to get a dental check up or antibiotics, or get a blood test or a smear or a scan or an x-ray, unless you had additional needs?
Unfortunately, I've had to go to our surgery several times over the last couple of months, and the only time I've seen people accompany someone is when they are with a child, or someone who clearly has limited capacity.

No, but I attend with DH as he now has memory issues and never asks the right questions or takes anything in.

No, we don't go in with each other. I think everyone should have space to talk to their health professional, whoever they are, alone. That said, if I were going in for something with a potential life changing result I would want my dh there with me.

This was a bit concerning though

The reason that it came up is that the physician had asked my friends partner to go to the waiting room and they would call her in shortly, but she just stayed anyway

We're both pretty independent and also very busy with work and needing to care for dc.

I don't think we have ever, ever been to the gp with each other. He came to some scans when pregnant but no other mw or obs appointments.

We go to the dentist as a family but switch in and out so not actually in the room together.

I've been through some pretty difficult stuff like biopsies and DH has been the taxi, but I get more into the JFDI mindset and don't want to chat or be myself really.

When I had to go into hospital in the middle of the night in an emergency (ectopic) he was absolutely hopeless through fear and distress. Couldn't give my date of birth or anything useful. He's not an assertive type at all. He's a lovely bloke and a great support in many ways, but not like that.

Weird, but quite sweet. Unless there is something controlling going on.

Dh comes with me to any gp appts now, I had an issue with the gp being very dismissive in the past, he seems to take dh more seriously though 🤷‍♀️

Only for my scans when pregnant. He was at work for the rest. I don’t see the point unless something has been flagged and it may be serious.
My DD has MS and I take her to her appointments but I stay in the waiting room, though when she was going through the initial tests etc I was with her (she was 17 at the time).

Cannot think of anything worse. If it was an appointment where I might get bad news I would take my friend or my daughter. Definitely not husband.

That is so odd I would actually be concerned.

Attending appointments together because a significant health issue is occurring is one thing, expected even, attending routine dentist/gp appointments together on the other hand, has red flags all over it.

Each to their own but sounds odd, and a colossal waste of time for the person who doesn’t have the appointment.

To me this would be weird but some couples are very co dependant and if that suits them, fine. I'd find it suffocating. I had a friend that phoned her partner every lunch break but lived together. Personally I'd have saved any updates until I got home but it worked for them.

No, never. Even if it was bad news I wouldn’t want him there.

If I ask him to, or if its for something potentially serious then he'll come, and vice versa really.

Otherwise, no. And I've got far better things to do than sitting watching him have his teeth inspected.

DH has accompanied me a few times when I have had non routine mammograms, but stayed in waiting room (or car during COVID). He did end up staying with me in the treatment room when I was having a cancerous lump removed on my leg under local anaesthetic. I’m not great with needles etc so he was allowed to stay with me when I was given the anaesthetic but was then meant to leave but I wouldn’t let go of his hand!

He did accompany me on most of my antenatal appointments as they were in the evening and we drove past the hospital on the way home from work. Didn’t realise this could be seen as a safeguarding issue. Did have one appointment during the day which I went to on my own, not sure if midwife organised this so she could see me on my own.

Did accompany DH to emergency appointment when he managed to seriously cut one of his fingers whilst chopping vegetables for dinner. I was heavily pregnant at the time and as we walked into OOH it was automatically assumed we were there for me. I did have to lie down though in the treatment room as the sight of blood made me feel faint!