Petty issue now a big issue, because he swore on my deathbed

[ILoveHolidaysAbroad]

We had an anniversary recently. I bought my gift for him well in advance. He went to Asda on the day and clobbered together a gift bag of stuff. All nice enough, but I did mention it was a bit late in the day. One of the gifts was pyjamas. He swore they'd been in his boot for a week. I raised and eyebrow and he swore on my deathbed. Well, today I have found the receipt in the bottom of a bag and he was lying, he did buy them on the day. I now care more about the lying than the fact he bought stuff on the day. Would this bother anyone else?

Low bar strikes again, both with the, let's face it, thoughtless gift, and the lying.

YANBU.

I bet if a man said that to you, you’d call it abuse, which it is. So stop with all the name calling.

This is really rubbish. I can understand forgetting an anniversary (but no need to lie about it, just fess up and do something extra to make up for it if it's important to you). However, gifting items that are unsafe for the recipient is beyond thoughtless. He does not really care does he? Up to you if you can live with the lying and the lack of care.

I can forgive a lot, but not lying.

OP my advice would be to avoid posting about your relationship on Mumsnet because a lot of people here are unpleasant. Everyone is different and has their own personality and I can guarantee most on here would not be in your circle of friends anyway. Some would put up with it because that’s apart of who they are, you’re obviously not like them. Talk to your husband directly about the issues that keep coming up and maybe look into therapy first for yourself and then as a couple. Only you know yourself and your husband not the judgmental mums on here. Get some real help!

This made me laugh a lot

I hate lies so this would massively bother me but I can see the rational behind the lie as he had been shit in not being organised

Much better to swear on a celebrity's life (eg Debbie Webster out of Corrie) or a pet rabbit or something, as the consequence seems more remote 🤔

Jeepers,how could you be arsed!!
Just to be clear I haven't got beyond first page so haven't saw any updates.

There is a supernatural entity who knows your husband lied, and will strike you dead any day now - and that will show him! True or false? JFC, get a grip and enjoy your pyjamas.

Perhaps that's the case, but others may not feel the same way as you.

I can't say as an adult I've used the phrase, or had other adults use it to me. But if someone used the phrase I would take it to mean they were trying to convey their absolute seriousness in the matter. Perhaps you wouldn't. That's okay.

I think I would burst out laughing if someone swore to me on their deathbed (???) that they bought something a week before they actually did. What an inconsequential thing to be that dramatic about. That also goes for the OP interrogating him about it in the first place. I just can't imagine being arsed with any aspect of this conversation let alone rooting through receipts to check.

If you think he's a thoughtless partner then just leave him rather than doing insane shit to "prove" it.

I’d give him back the whole lot with the receipt and tell him to get you something you actually want. And point out the date. Wanker. What was the point of lying?

I’m with you OP, it’s not the subject but the fact that he lied, and with ease. People lie to cover up stuff they know isn’t ok. He knew it wasn’t ok to cobble stuff together last minute with very little thought and lied. Next time he does something he knows isn’t ok, he’ll probably lie. Where does he draw the line? This was such a silly little thing to lie about too, so for me it doubly shows his capacity to lie as he can’t even take responsibility for something so trivial!! In my experience if someone lies easily about little things, they absolutely lie about big things too. And if someone lies, how can you trust them?

Yes it's a massive problem. If a person can look you in the eye and tell you a lie on whatever 'oath' is meaningful to you, you can't trust them.

I agree. He’s actually crap all round. The gifts were thoughtless and purchased last minute. Then he lied in a spectacularly awful way.

Clearly some folks seem to think it’s fine for a bloke to put little effort in and not be challenged.

I don’t expect a lot, but mine has always managed flowers and a card on the day, and usually the flowers I like, which means no lilies. So he can’t just grab any old bouquet.

So a white lie to spare someone's feelings, like only buying an anniversary gift on the day rather than in advance as 'required', is okay. So his white lie about the specific time and date of purchase, by your own admission, is ok to save your feelings of being 'forgotten'

OP, in all honesty, if the gift was thoughtless and shit, you should have focused on that. When he bought it is irrelevant. You said the gift was 'all fine' but then said it isn't. These goalposts are all over the place

Instead of just accepting the gift, you had to get in a dig about it being late in the day.
He either felt guilty about that so lied ib attempt to maker you feel better about the situation.
OR you pissed him off by not being grateful so he said it to shut you up.
Either way if you’d just gratefully accepted the nice gift, he wouldn’t have lied. It really shouldn’t matter that much when he bought them. You got them on the day, you like them, that should suffice.

Your poor husband. You seem like a nightmare.

I think you need to calmly explain that there were two issues

1. lack of thought for your anniversary. It makes you doubt how important you are to him
2. lying is a trigger for you given your past

Explain how you would like him to deal with this in the future.

It actually isn't about the pjs, or the deathbed, it's triggering your feelings from your past and bringing doubt into your relationship. You're probably more upset/sad than angry. And he told a small lie just to not get into trouble.

It won’t actually kill you if someone swear on your life you know…

It's 'cobbled together' not clobbered.
Your written English is very strange.

Maybe she just found the receipt when looking in a bag. She said nothing about rooting around. I never throw receipts out without checking I don’t need it for anything.

Are you dead?

You made a big deal about stuff being bought last minute. He tried to please you.

Why is he swearing on anyone's life over a pair of pajamas? Seems like complete overkill. But if he has to, then why not swear on his own life? That's the more normal thing to do. There's something weird about him choosing to swear on yours instead. Obviously it's not going to actually do you any harm, it's not like he's bringing a curse down upon your head or anything. But his attitude would give me the ick.

I'm guessing it's not new for you to feel disrespected and devalued by him, and that's why all of this hit such a nerve. I'd follow that thread, if I were you.