Petty issue now a big issue, because he swore on my deathbed

[ILoveHolidaysAbroad]

We had an anniversary recently. I bought my gift for him well in advance. He went to Asda on the day and clobbered together a gift bag of stuff. All nice enough, but I did mention it was a bit late in the day. One of the gifts was pyjamas. He swore they'd been in his boot for a week. I raised and eyebrow and he swore on my deathbed. Well, today I have found the receipt in the bottom of a bag and he was lying, he did buy them on the day. I now care more about the lying than the fact he bought stuff on the day. Would this bother anyone else?

Why were you so annoyed about when he bought your gift that he felt the need to lie? Id be annoyed at the lie buy id never have pushed someone on when they bought a gift. Why does it matter? He was probably trying to avoid unnecessary drama.

Not just good. Vital.

I’d have no problem telling you whatever you wanted to hear OP, swearing on your deathbed, whatever helps. You sound like an absolute nightmare to live with and this level of drama over petty nonsense is insane. Poor guy.

I totally understand what you’re saying, op. It’s given you a horrible feeling that you can’t trust him. I’ve been there and the truth is he probably doesn’t place as much importance on not lying as you do. It doesn’t make him a bad person. Just different to you.

Do proper grown ups really get each other to swear on my life? That's primary school behaviour surely.

It's usually used by primary school children. It's certainly not a measure of sincerity.

Yes, it would bother me a huge amount if my partner lied to me. I don't like or trust liars.

Never ever ever? Never told a child or other person ‘wow! That looks great! Tastes so nice!’ ?

Don't lower your expectations because other people, often those who frequently lie or who put up with shit men, are ok with lying to their partners. It erodes trust in a relationship. If people lie about the little things how can you trust them about the big things?

I”ve realised that people really do have different ideas about what it means to lie. It’s weird to me, I prize honesty. But if you can get your head around him honestly thinking it’s kinder to have you believe he was more prepared than he was, it kind of makes sense. I don’t like it and I’m afraid you probably have to come to terms with him not being trustworthy; but hopefully he’ll only lie on occasions when it saves your feelings..!

He shouldn't have lied but you should not have interrogated him about when he bought it. And to me it's a white lie.

I would never question my partner about the date they bought something, and wouldn't look at the date on the receipt. So none of this would have happened and I wouldn't be mulling over how much 'that lie' mattered.

It's just indicative that he's willing to be deceitful for no reason.

I wouldn’t swear on anyone’s life in the first place as it’s the behaviour of a 9 year old, and if my husband swore on my life I’d tell him to stop behaving like a 9 year old.

I feel like there’s a couple of issues here.

”I swear on your life” - agree with the poster who said this would cause the ick.

Trust being eroded over time - seems like he habitually lies. This is frustrating in a relationship as you just don’t know when you can believe them.

Lack of care - he didn’t plan or put thought into a birthday gift. Instead he just grabbed random things in the supermarket.

How’s the relationship apart from this? Does he pull his weight with chores and finances, do you feel loved and supported? Etc

Tell him he's a dick, tell him you know he's lied as you found the receipt and tell him to buy you a nice takeaway and bottle of wine to make up for it. Then move on and find more important things to worry about.

You've posted about it on MN just as OP has!

I wouldn't be ok with my DH swearing on my life, even if it wasn't a lie. It's pretty unpleasant I think.

I get it. The lying and lack of effort would really piss me off.

How does the future look ?

Okay but you realise you not, in fact, going to drop dead?

I'd be really pissed about the lying and swearing on your deathbed but why the hell did you even question when he bought them?

Honestly, if you weren't so weird about gift buying timescales he probably wouldn't have felt the need to lie.

It wasn't even her birthday - it was "an anniversary".

He swore on YOUR life? That’s a bit… wrong isn’t it? He’s meant to swear on his life. Or the life of his knob or something. Not on the person he’s lying to. Cheek.

Oh come on, we all tell little white lies..... they make the world go round.
Find something important to think about, OP, and give your poor husband a break.

So what's gonna happen now on your deathbed?

That's 'swearing on your life'

What's swearing on your deathbed?