To think therapy culture is turning self-reflection into self-obsession?

[MirrorFatigueJay]

It feels like we’ve gone from under-feeling to over-analysing everything. Not every discomfort is a trauma. AIBU to think constant introspection can actually make people unhappier?

work out what’s wrong by all means, but then actually live differently, make different choices, rather than just going on about your issues forever

Agree with this. People do a lot of talking and postulating (with little self-awareness) but never actually do the work to heal or manage their condition. Same with physio etc….so many don’t do the exercises they’re given. It’s a lack of ability to take personal responsibility for making yourself better or managing a condition and it drives me nuts. The same excuses are rolled out constantly. No, it is NOT easy but if you truly want to be better or happier or healed then you have to do the work. It really is that simple. But so many people seem content to just wallow in their misery, and drag others down with them, rather than put some effort in. Emotional vampires is what I call people like that. They suck the energy and happiness out of everyone around them. The competitive misery and spitefulness we see on here is an example of it.

I would agree that metal health problems have moved from being seen as viewed as a character flaw to a fashionable accessory encouraging selfish, attention seeking behaviour and a lack of resilience.
I say this as someone who has a diagnosis myself and I have worked in the field of mental health since the 80s.
It is also true of many other issues.
Eventually the pendulum returns to the middle when the media, social and otherwise, moves on to the next thing.

I wholeheartedly agree. The expectation that we should feel happy all the time is actually making people unhappy, ironically.

Not in my experience. I agree we are under feeling but that's what therapy can help with.

I'm not on Instagram- it's now just a marketing platform these days.

I remember that thread. I think the point was that the op was surprised that her husband wasn't supportive of her or thrilled about the news. It had never even crossed her mind of how her news would impact him. She was so self absorbed in her own journey of self discovery. And it was early on in her explorations - perhaps she was bisexual? She clearly had felt at one time she was straight by marrying her husband?

I remember that thread. I think the point was that the op was surprised that her husband wasn't supportive of her or thrilled about the news

Yeah, this. I remember that thread. The issue wasnt that she shouldn't be honest with her husband about her sexuality. The issue was that she was actually annoyed he wasnt being more supportive - his world had just fallen apart.

Thanks so much for sharing this - I’m a very introspective person and it’s definitely a double-edged sword.

I’m very self-aware and that’s led to a massive increase in my emotional maturity but in some ways I’m unhappier than ever.

The “What Not Why” thing they talk about in this will be extremely helpful I think as realistically I’ve done as much work as I need to on understanding the “why” so this will be a great and easy way to park it and get to a more practical way forward.

Btw I have found therapy massively useful at resolving all sorts of things in my life. My “unhappier than ever” line was hyperbolic - I’ve gone from having chronic severe depression and suicidal thoughts to being really positive and joyful 80% of the time, it’s just the other 20% which is less severe than it was but still very limiting (I go into like a catatonic shutdown for some of it).

I do agree though that the Insta / social media content is pretty terrible - and therapists will tell you that therapy concepts have been taken and are just being completely misapplied by people often with outcomes that make it worse for them and other people.

There are some excellent therapists out there who help people deal with genuine issues and it can be life changing. Access to this is hard to get because the NHS doesn't have capacity and private is expensive.
And there are some terrible barely qualified private counsellors who spout instagram style therapy speak and create the problems OP is talking about.

I feel like you’re mixing up ‘therapy’ here with ‘every fucker and his dog now has a podcast and keep inviting ‘experts’ witn no qualifications to talk about topics they know fuck all about’

I hate the latter. But I love therapy, it was transformative for me after a very dark period and a PTSD diagnosis. Please don’t tar therapy and the incredible counsellors out there with this brush!

I don’t know any good therapist that would endorse this. In fact, most modalities of therapy have some focus into understanding the perspectives of others as well as self-understanding. It’s not reasonable to go through life without being able to appreciate other people’s point of view.

The real issue is the lack of regulation (as others have said). Legally, anyone can call themselves a therapist, and people can quite easily go on a one day “trauma therapy” online course, put it on their website and say “abc accredited trauma therapist” and potential customers are none the wiser.

This is obviously very different to people who have gone through doctoral training (Clinical and Counselling Psychologists) and those who have MSc level training provided by an accredited course (e.g BACP registered CBT therapists, Association of Family Therapy accredited Systemic Family Therapists).

It’s so confusing and I can understand how people end up finding unqualified therapists and then thinking future therapy won’t be helpful, and therapy is just about talking and receiving validation.

If anyone here is looking for a therapist, I would recommend going through the UKCP directory or looking for a HCPC registered psychologist (anyone can call themselves a psychologist too, but clinical and counselling psychologist are legally protected titles so only qualified clinicians can use these). Any decent practitioner will be happy to answer questions about their qualifications if you enquire.

We are pathologising normal human emotions and personality types.

Real therapy, with qualified practitioners, such as a Clinical Psychologist, is around £150/hour. I don't think there are many people indulging in "therapy culture" at those prices. And I don't think there are many Doctors who would entertain "performance patients" at their practice.

However, social media is full of shit that promotes the mantra of casual "therapy". Usually this is in the form of a poorly disguised "like and subscribe" script, set against some melancholy background music.

Yes, and a lot of not taking accountability 😂

I was done when a friend told me my child is better behaved because a c section (under general) is easy and her baby had trauma because he had a natural birth and that's why he's the way he is. No, couldn't be anything to do with the way she was raising him at alllllllllllllll. Birthing trauma 😘

Just sitting there watching all these online instagram tick tick videos about trauma and how everything is a trauma response and how they're victims and nothing is their fault. Lord. Doing specific parenting seen online then confused why their kid is feral. Then blaming everything, everyone, including husband. Loooool.

I say this as someone with a diagnosis and I get on with life and my kids are raised tough 😂

Real therapy is great, I'm ridiculously resilient thanks to what they've taught me and I pass it on to my kids - they're extremely well grounded and ahead of their year groups. Younger one even went up one year early because she wasn't doing well with the lower class - I truly thank therapy for it as it gave me tools to pass on to my kids. Things that hold back their peers don't hold them back because they have coping skills early and age appropriate.

I don't know that world.
The only people who I know that go to therapy are usually suffering from trauma.
I seen.the setup on American TV shows.
I don't think it is normal culture here, it wouldn't be a bad thing.
Therapy is expensive and public list therapy lists are eendless.

This. The amount of people who say 'I struggle to concentrate at work, I must have undiagnosed ADHD' - no you're just bored of work like the rest of us!

I actually think proper therapy has a useful place in the world but we're getting to a situation now where everyone has a diagnosis and would like some kind of special treatment.

They really haven’t. It’s well known adhd and autism are under diagnosed in this country.

Well known by who?

Experts in the field and consultants.

Ahh 'experts' like anonymous posters on Internet forums. You've convinced me.

Nope experts in the field as reported and quoted
by the BBC

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg5vp62dnnro.amp

Is Prof Edmund Sonuga-Barke, a fellow at the Academy of Medical Sciences and an ADHD expert at King's College London good enough?

And NHS England

www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/report-of-the-independent-adhd-taskforce-part-1/

And how about these highly regarded professionals

• Prof Tamsin Jane Ford – Professor of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Head of Department of Psychiatry, University of Cambridge, plus six other professors.
• Adrian James, Medical Director for Mental Health and Neurodiversity, NHS England
• Dr Sunil Gupta – GP Clinical Adviser, National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE)
• James Brown – Founder, ADHD adultUK and Associate Professor in Biosciences, Aston University
• Rachel de Souza, Children’s Commissioner for England

www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/news/adhd-under-diagnosed-and-under-treated,-says-nhs-expert-report

I couldn't agree more. I know people who have simply honed discontentment like a fine art, simply expressing unhappiness and anxiety for reasons they can't define. In one case the children are already affected by seeing it. Her parents paid for therapy which she terminated after a few sessions. She complained that she didn't like being challenged.