To think therapy culture is turning self-reflection into self-obsession?

[MirrorFatigueJay]

It feels like we’ve gone from under-feeling to over-analysing everything. Not every discomfort is a trauma. AIBU to think constant introspection can actually make people unhappier?

Surely basic maths is a life skill?

I agree with this.

Although it's as much about social media as it is about therapy. I think there are people who genuinely believe these influencers who live perfect lives are for real and as a result that their normal life is actually a life filled with trauma, failure and heartbreak because they aren't backpacking round Thailand with their kids.

🤣 for whom is maths not helpful?!?

There is no therapy to be had anywhere on the NHS.

What is therapy speak?

Basic maths is. Beyond that though there are definitely skills which would be more useful. I think if they did away with GCSE maths and replaced it with GCSE understating the world/common sense it'd probably benefit more people.

This.

people just don’t seem to be able to cope with the ups and downs of every day life……

An interesting post. I have felt a bit concerned about the prevalence of "navel gazing" - it is interesting also in the context of the emphasis on children developing resilience, which I find quite harsh at times. The two don't really seem to tally.

However, I have just, somewhat reluctantly, started working with a counsellor to help me deal with the long illness and subsequent death of my OH - and the position I found myself in of having to opt to allow him to die. This was 5 years ago and I still feel guilty/confused etc. so I thought that for the sake of my family I needed to offload all this somewhere else and try to become a cheerier person for their benefit.

So - I do think there are situations where therapy is a reasonable decision. I am hoping it will be the right one for me.

I see a counsellor. I am also an outwardly very positive, affable, friendly, enthusiastic friend, wife, mum & volunteer. Someone who regularly exercises, socialises, and absolutely notices the benefits from the healing power of nature, fresh air and walks etc.

I actually did have a relatively traumatic childhood which has never been explored, and have suffered terrible losses. I have children of my own so I am "doing the work", and have a keen interest in psychology after studying it at college. I've always paid privately because I can afford it and it helps me. I am now worried I bore my mates with "therapy speak" though 🙃

I do agree that we are as a nation in the UK tipping over into over-pathologising everyone and don't think it's healthy.

Chatterbox with lots of bright ideas who interrupts sometimes? ADHD.

Upset because someone told you off? Rejection Sensitivity Disorder.

Quiet and introverted, prefer your own company and happen to have a particular hobby you're passionate about? Autistic.

Enjoy cleaning and like your house spotless? OCD.

Worry about totally normal things that need worrying about? Anxiety.

So yeah, I agree we shouldn't be sticking a label on everyday normal behaviours and attitudes, but disagree therapy isn't helping those who need it.

It is. As is understanding why people think and behave the way they do. No?

There is a reason most spiritual systems encourage people to overcome ego and let go of things. It's almost the opposite of what people think is the path to happiness now, navel gazing, protecting their identities, dependence on others affirmation.

I appreciate the therapists here who think proper therapy is great, but in my observation, it's a very mixed bag. I've seen some good therapy for adults, almost none of the kids I've seen go have benefited. I think a lot are harmed.

Depends on the case I think…..

Hm, I wasn't sure about your first post, but I can agree with this.

It's perhaps an unreasonable bugbear of mine, but I hear so many folk say that they're overstimulated. I am autistic, and yes, I know that being overstimulation isn't just reserved for those of us privileged enough to get a diagnosis, and people can feel overstimulated, but it feels like the phrase is just bandied about by people who are perhaps mildly overwhelmed, a bit stressed, could actually benefit from some therapy so that they could organise tasks in a way that is less stressful, or perhaps just review the way their life is working.

It makes me hate admitting to people that I am overstimulated when I am on the verge of an explosion or a catatonic like shutdown. A true nervous system dysregulation response that is completely beyond my control by the point the overstimulation has hit.

I get it that being clambered on by your kids, or constantly hearing mum, mum, mum can get really grating especially when you've not had 5 minutes to have a piss on your own, or drink your tea while it's hot, and there are genuinely times where the world feels completely on top of you, but I do also think that there's a lot of pathological language used to just describe the normal day-to-day stressors (that absolutely do need to be addressed, and people deserve to be able to reach out for help) that over-egg the situation they're in and undermine people with actual pathological struggles.

I think there is a huge lack of ability to self reflect actually. So many people are so emotionally immature, have absolutely no self-awareness and are completely unable to properly reflect on their actions, behaviours, responses to things etc. You can see it on here everyday.

I agree.

We’re terrified of experiencing any type of pain now and avoid it at all costs. But pain is often useful - it’s a tremendous motivator, it makes you move, mentally as well as physically. We’re encouraged not to feel bad, not to experience negative emotions that might cause us pain when looking at ourselves and our actions; when done to excess, it’s unhelpful, but self-reflection, shame, guilt are all useful and necessary emotions that we can and should learn from.

There’s quite a lot of research now indicating that mental health education in schools can increase distress and mental health difficulties in children. I think supporting children living in poverty and addressing parental mental health difficulties will have a much bigger impact.

@HedwigEliza

100% agree. Even positive emotions such as taking joy in life, pride in one's achievements and satisfaction at having done what we set out to do are being watered down for fear of being judged.

What mental health education and how does it cause distress and metal health difficulties?

What research?

Some people use 'boundaries' as a way to not do anything for anyone that isn't entirely what they want. Some of the wedding threads where people exclude family members who have supported and looked after them just make me cringe.

If there's genuine abuse then that's different obviously.

I wasn't talking about mental health education. I was talking about understanding how humans think, how and why they feel and how behaviours arise as a result.

When I went to school, back in the last century, I think the closest I got to it was social biology (which introduced me to the work of Jane Goodall, for which I'll always be grateful).

I actually looked into this a few years ago and found this article insightful:

https://ideas.ted.com/the-right-way-to-be-introspective-yes-theres-a-wrong-way/

Have popped screenshot of a couple of key points relevant to this thread...there is research to prove too much naval gazing is associated with poorer wellbeing.

I actually think a large majority of people never take the time to reflect on their own internal world. People don't spend enough time thinking about their worldviews, unconscious beliefs, automatic thought patterns, how they relate to others and why, etc 🤷 that's why people continue to repeat the same cycles in relationships, and is a factor into how generational trauma carries on. Obviously self-reflection needs to take place along side meds, routine, hobbies, functioning, exercise, diet, etc, but it is important. A good routine and exercise will distract you/make you feel good in the moment, but it won't address any deep rooted issues you have with things like your self-esteem. There has to be a combination of internal and external work.

But yes Instagram style therapy speak is watered down bullshit. Obviously having a bad day at work is not 'traumatic'. Not everyone is a narcissist. Not all behaviours are toxic. Sometimes people are just dicks because they're people and thus makes mistakes.

A good therapist will encourage you to feel your feelings. That doesn't mean you need to sit and dwell on sadness. It just means it's helpful to learn to recognise it in your body and not push it down. It's a natural human emotion. It's painful, but has a function, and sadness is usually grief about things we can't change. Anger also has a function, which is to assertive a boundary. Lots of people push down sadness, which can lead to depression. Lots of people express uncontained rage instead of anger. It's good for everybody to think about the way we express our emotions and what our own emotional role models looked like.

I work in older adult mental mental health, and I see the generations who just got on with everything, and then they suddenly retire, have time with their thoughts, and wonder why they become anxious/depressed, when they have loads of trauma they've never processed.

But yes everyone calling everything a trauma dilutes it for people who are actually experiencing mental illness due to trauma. Genuine mental illness is not the wishy washy stuff you see on insta, it's debilitating for many people.

And yes I agree that there is absolutely a medicalisation of normal life events currently. Feeling depressed following the death of a loved one is absolutely normal, unless it carries on too long and impairs your functioning. Grief is normal. Occasional stress at work is normal.

There isn’t robust regulation of the therapeutic industry, and many people aren’t fit to be delivering therapy, never mind qualified to do so.

As a result there is also an over reliance on CBT by psychologists because it is empirically tested, which narrows the field too much, and in turn creates a market gap for the less qualified.

As a society we transferred our blind faith from priests to doctors in the 20th century, and from doctors to psychologists in the 21st. The latter don’t take a Hippocratic oath and now have much more influence than a soft science merits. This is a very significant challenge within the profession, but I’m not sure that it’s being met in a timely fashion.

There’s a very strong cultural belief in the magical powers of therapy to fix people. I see this over and over on mumsnet where it’s touted as the great panacea.

Coupled with this, a greedy pharmaceutical industry got away with pathologising normal life stress under the umbrella term “generalised anxiety” and doctors colluded in over medicating, in part because they are under resourced and it’s an easy option.

I watched a very funny Alan Partridge programme last night. Hello how are you or something. It says it all. Either Iplayer or itvx I can't remember. It's so relevant.

This is what I think too.

Im not entirely sure about my private therapist. I do often say no to them as a lot of what they say seems to encourage narcissistic behaviour. And some of its nuts.
I'm glad I get 12 sessions a year on the NHS to balance it out tbh. Perks of having a disability.