To think therapy culture is turning self-reflection into self-obsession?

[MirrorFatigueJay]

It feels like we’ve gone from under-feeling to over-analysing everything. Not every discomfort is a trauma. AIBU to think constant introspection can actually make people unhappier?

You would have to look at the individual studies to determine how mental health research and distress is defined.

“Potential harm from universal school-based mental health interventions: Candidate mechanisms and future directions” is one very recently published paper, but if you type “mental health interventions schools” into google scholar you’ll find a lot of research in this area.

The paper I quoted in a previous post explored the potential harm arising from teaching children about CBT in schools, with the intention of increasing mental health literacy, which is what it sounds like you were suggesting,

It feels counterintuitive because I would have thought any work that helps children to understand these links is helpful (and previously I was a big advocate for it), but it’s clear we need to understand the potential risks first. It goes to show how complex this is and difficult to make positive progress.

I have noticed this as well in therapy.

On the other hand, my mum, who probably actually is a clinical narcissist has access to a therapist, and is less than truthful or honest with them, and so the therapist can only work with what they're hearing, and it just provides her with more tools for narcissism and emotional manipualtion.

There's been a lot of "my therapist has advised me to do X when you say Y to me because that is unkind and hurtful to me, and I deserve better". - simplified for the sake of mumsnet, but pretty much along these lines. Usually when calling out batshit behaviour.

I know real life is not the movies, but before I had ever experienced any sort of therapy, I thought therapy would be like, you tell a therapist your problems, you let your woes out, and they genuinely call you out on your bullshit in order to allow self reflection.

Instead, it's a lot of validating your feelings even if some feelings probably shouldn't be validated.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope that grief counselling brings you some peace and comfort.

My hyperlink didn't work. I meant to say I think Wanda Sykes is personally responsible for my misinterpretation of how therapy worked.

I stopped my therapy as I had the insight to realise I was enjoying the wallowing and validation more than the possibility of getting better.

Time and a huge effort to be more outward looking helped me.

I agree

I've been trying to access therapy for almost...shit...20+ years now?

People would probably ask why? And what's the point? Well for me, I feel it would help to
A) understand why I am the way I am...certainly in terms of having experienced depression and anxiety since I was 11
B) to actually talk to someone about 20+ years of bad bad things that have negatively affected me, I've never been able to talk about any of it and as a result have always bottled it up inside which hasn't helped with my mental health. I a way I feel talking about it would help me literally let go of the past (have a high number of childhood ACEs that have never been resolved)
C) talking through it and understanding it would help me put in place proper healthy ways of coping with the things I struggle with.
D) having better coping strategies would enable me to build up mental resilience which would have a positive impact on my life, my ultimate hope being well enough to return to full time work.

I've had limited sessions through my work EAP scheme and genuinely they helped SO damn much. For one thing it helped me understand my relationship with my parents better. For a long time I felt quite negatively towards how I was treated but through therapy I have a much better understanding that genuinely my parents did the best they could but generational trauma is something that's passed down, by that I more mean of you look at past generations , things like mental illness and emotions were absolutely not dealt with, or talked about. They were shameful things to be hidden. So if that's been passed down then you cant expect someone to just suddenly be emotionally mature, they've never been taught or shown how to. Yes now we have a better understanding and opennes towards it but can't expect someone who's much much older to just automatically be able to deal with that or know how to. It gave me ways to bridge the gap and deal with it in a healthy way, without blame (cos there isn't blame, like I said I realise looking back they honestly did the best they could and are literally only human! We all make mistakes. The important thing is that we learn from them and make it better for those that come after and don't repeat the same mistakes)

Yes! 🤣🤣🤣

I've been told to blame my mum, and I think, but... Isn't she just as deserving of validation as I am?!

I was sexually assaulted as a child. I have a lot of trauma. My dad took me to the GP to be checked out at age 8. I had made strange complaints. My mum was away. They had no idea what had happened. GP never said to them, but it's my medical notes. I never told them either. I think they were superstars. Especially in the 80's. What can you do in that situation?! I think they were both amazing in their own way and I get a bit huffy with therapists who say they should have done something differently.
There are not many parents that would have taken their kids to be checked out for that in the 80's.

I don't want to blame anyone. I don't want to put up boundaries. I just want to be happy with who I am. NHS therapists seem to be much better at a whole picture. Private therapists seem to put you centre stage. I'm not comfortable with that. I don't exist in a vacuum. We ALL have trauma.

This is what I was trying to say.

This validation means a lot, thankyou, and I'm so sorry you experienced similar emotionally or physically. But i feel how you do. Xxx

I just did my own therapy speak, sorry 🤭

I love the idea of "GCSE Common Sense" 😆A lot of people in my life could definitely have benefitted from it

I think you sound quite dense, because most actual therapists would say the exact same thing. They don’t tell people that a paper cut is a “trauma” for example. Your view is quite, ignorant and based on what? Posts on social media as opposed to what actual medical professionals do and say?

What a strange example to use. So you think someone who is a repressed lesbian or bisexual, should not tell her husband about it, as to not hurt the feelings of that man? Is that what you mean by “forgetting about the rest of the world?” Genuinely asking?

I think most women would want to know if their husbands were gay or bisexual as opposed to him keeping that information repressed. The marriage is essentially based on false information with one side of the couple masking their real sexuality and the other half being misled.

imo, that’s the kind of thing you need to discuss/go to therapy for!

As an AuDHD polyamorous LGBTQI++ transabled POC with BPD, CPTSD and a PhD, OP, I think YABU. In fact I feel horrifically triggered by your abusive lack of respect. Buzzwords and acronyms validate ID, thus supporting MH, and facilitate contemplative reflection on one's unique vulnerabilities. Educate yourself and do better.

I think what you’re referring to is more social media than actual therapy but I don’t disagree. I’ve had two periods of therapy in my life and both helped - for an ED in my teens and after getting divorced in my late 30s. In both cases I needed to understand better what was going on with myself at the time - then I stopped.

After divorce I did date a guy who been in therapy for literally years - he must have spent thousands on it. He was convinced he had childhood trauma (from relatively normal things like parental divorce, I’m not talking abuse) and would often post cringey things on Facebook about he was recovering etc and constantly share SM posts about things like boundaries! He was a very lovely person but the therapy obsession really bothered me actually, I felt it stopped him being able to live in the moment. From what I could see he would have felt better from simpler things like taking walks and eating healthier but he would never do that, we broke up in the end.

I do think there’s a danger that therapy gets people stuck in the thinking stage when in fact what is needed is embodiment - work out what’s wrong by all means, but then actually live differently, make different choices, rather than just going on about your issues forever!

I think (and hope) this is sarcasm.
I saw a comedian who is diagnosed with ADHD. He made a joke about Tik Tokers and their whole alphabet of labels.
"Hi, I am Joe. I am 19 and live in California. I have ADHD, ASD, BPD, OCD, PTSD, CUNT" 😂

😂

I think this is really unfair and I hugely feel for you but at the same time I do have weird letter diagnoses. So I'm honestly clueless as to how many lines there are or which ones I'm crossing. But I'm also compelled.

So I'd like to forward you the name of my solicitor if you reach out privately .

You are not alone.

There is a group.

So what are the risks?

Exactly this!

“The specifics of negative effects vary widely across trials. Negative effects have been reported across a range of self-report measures including a worsening of symptoms of anxiety, depression, hyperactivity/inattention difficulties, obsessive compulsive disorder and panic, and a decrease in parental relationship quality, prosocial behaviour and wellbeing”.

if you want to understand more I would recommend reading the full article.

I certainly don’t disagree with therapy (I am a therapist myself). But proposing telling kids about thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviours instead of addressing the very real systemic factors that increase health disparities is not the way to go in my opinion.

While psychoeducation is important, part of the role of a therapist is to help the individual to recognise how these patterns show up in their life and how to change them. Even adults can struggle with this, and it takes a lot of work.

I don’t think just explaining the mechanism of the therapy to anyone (adult or child) would be that helpful without then working on changing the things that are distressing.

Yes I agree. People seem to equate 'having feelings' with entitlement eg I am upset about x so you mustn't do x because you hurt my feelings. Rather than 'I am upset about x so I need to work on myself because my feelings tell me something about who i am'. The most important thing becomes how someone feels and other people should prioritise that. However, it completely breaks down when the other person also has feelings that conflict and then an almighty argument ensues with each person or each side trying to win the battle of whose feelings have been hurt the most or whose feelings are most important. A lot of this is down to really bad therapy though where an unaware therapist is unconsciously trying to resolve their own pain and encouraging people to act on their feelings, without any equal focus on responsibility, values, empathy, community mindedness, the importance of other people's feelings and so on. I feel it may be contributing to the breakdown of families and relationships.

I'm wondering if the people on here who are anti talking therapy have actually tried it? I'm very much about trying things before criticising.

Agree it needs to be done alongside other things like healthy eating, gentle exercise, nature, yoga, gardening etc. A holistic approach is always best.

For me, sometimes it's about having a fortnightly space to be sad/upset/grieve and properly heard so that it's contained and I don't then naval-gaze the whole time. I think it helps me be a more open, compassionate person. But I won't be in therapy forever (had six months a few years ago and will have three months this time).

I hope the people on here posting that have been victims of DV, abuse, neglect, have suffered sudden and/or huge losses such as the loss of a partner or child aren't feeling silly for trying talking therapy.

I agree with this. Lots of the ‘therapy’ chat on Instagram is absolute BS and is about people justifying their own shitty behaviour.

but therapy with a skilled, trained therapist has been life changing for me. It didn’t go on for ever either- she gave me the tools to cope with certain situations once I’d left the therapy room.

So, as ever with your questions, it’s a deliberately clickbait title, and not what you actually mean at all? Why not use better words?

No one who has actually done therapy properly throws around ‘narcissist’ and ‘avoidant’ because they saw them in a Grazia article. What you’re talking about is dimwit pop psychology, which bears about as much resemblance to therapy as horoscopes do to particle physics.