To not want to babysit neighbours kids

[Nevaurs]

Earlier this year, my neighbour asked if I could watch her child who was off school sick while she did took the other one to school. I was starting work late that day so didn’t mind. During the school holidays she asked me another few times if I could come over to watch them for 30 minutes/an hour. Sometimes I had to say I can’t because I’m working but she seems to think that because I work from home, I can just leave. She says “can’t you just take a break?” Or “can’t you just bring your laptop and work from here?”

She has just been offered a part time job and told me that some of her shifts will be late and asked if I could come round to watch her kids when she does late shifts. I really really don’t want to do this. I don’t mind as much when it’s every now and again for half an hour or so but committing to giving up some of my evenings for hours to go and sit with someone’s kids isn’t something I’d like to do. However I feel like I’m being unreasonable as it will really help her out and it’s a kind thing to do so I am on the verge of saying yes even though I don’t really want to. How would other people feel? What would you say?

I would say that while you had been happy to help out when she needed emergency help you feel it is only fair to let her know that if in the future she needed you to help on a more regular basis you would have to charge her an appropriate rate for childcare which would have to take into account any loss of earnings from your regular employment.

Bloody hell!!! I want to know how you stopped this CF!

Say it's something you can't commit to and say no. Tell her to visit childcare.co.uk and advise for a nanny who will watch her child from the child house.

You obviously need to say no. She's a cheeky cow so she will get the hump with you, but she would down the line anyway when you for whatever reason couldn't hop to her convenience, and she's be enraged that covering childcare is her issue not yours - she's the walking epitome of no good deed going unpunished, so you might as well get the fallout over with now before you've given up multiple evenings.

I bet the people that voted YABU have mostly done so because you said you are considering it!

Not on here I don't think, though I've told lots of people IRL so I should probably name change 🫣

Seriously OP, I can be a bit of a doormat but even I would tell her to fuck off. Unless you're the kids' dad that is.

This is outrageously cheeky of her, and you would be crazy to agree. Definitely don't do this.

No absolutely not. I work from home and there's no way I could look after a child at the same time. Advice her you don't mind a one off emergency, but nothing on a regular basis as you still have to work from home. You cannot take breaks whenever you want. Even if you were allowed to take a massive break to look after her child(ren), you'd still have to make up the hour later. That means you'd have to work the evening because of her?! Please don't be a wet drip, tell her politely that this won't be possible. I'd say, "sorry, my job has changed slightly meaning I have more meetings and phone calls to make. It's not possible to babysit while I'm working anymore. I think you're better off finding a childminder."

I was extremely upset with her by message (which she replied to only with a sad emoji) and when she picked them up, especially as her older child was quite tricky in a few ways - fine for a one off planned play date but not unexpectedly or on a regular basis - and her three year old still in nappies, which again isn't in itself a big deal but as neither of mine were by then and I was seven months pregnant it didn't help! She had sent them with a bag containing pastries from the bakery for everyone, and spare clothes and nappies, and so seemed to think she was barely asking anything of me, especially as she'd picked them up "for" me and then gone back to work... After she picked them up I was left feeling she thought I was making a fuss over nothing.

I told her by message after pick up that I wouldn't be home after school the next day and did take a bit of a coward's way out by going out with my two straight from pick-up. I assume her mother went back to looking after them as she didn't ask again about after school care, but she didn't get upset or seem offended, our DC2s were friends through primary school although they grew apart later.

FFS CF at its finest here!
Honestly tell you’re too busy with life to commit to this, she needs to find an alternate solution. Obvs if you ask her a favour be prepared for a no, but you cannot concentrate on caring for kids and on Teams / work.

“Hi, no sorry I can’t help with that. There’s a list here of local childcare that might be helpful (add link to council page).”

Her next message will be a bit whiney. Agree with her that “It’s really tough isn’t it”. If she asks again say “No, like I said already, I can’t do that.” Ignore any subsequent messages on that subject.

You say no and keep on saying no and don't be apologetic. With cheeky people like this once you do a kind thing for them, they see you as fair game. She might need more support but that's not your problem. If she asks you over text, just don't reply.

OP, this is a ridiculously big ask. At this rate, she’ll be asking you to make their tea and put them to bed as well. The answer to this CF neighbour is NO.

Ooft, don’t do this. Be friendly but firm - I can’t commit/too busy/dont want to, etc, on repeat. If you agree, you’ll be on the hook until The End Of Time…

This person is not your friend and is very selfish . Dose she do anything for you ?
You dont owe her anything , just make something up ... say your in meetings (on zoom etc) or say your busy - you dont have to explain yourself to her .

My reply would be firm, but fair.

Congratulations on the new job.
I understand you’re in a tough spot, but I can’t be your childcare option. You’ll need to make other arrangements.

If she comes back with “But can’t you just X”or “I know you can manage Tues because…” just say

No, I can’t. I’ve already said I’m not available.

If she pushes back say
It’s a no. Please don’t ask again.

It’s kind of you to think of her but she is not thinking of you in any way but as a resource to fix her problem.

You are not free childcare. Just say no

Id say to her that it's better if she found someone who can babysit in a regular basis..as you will be out with friends some evenings so it wouldn't be consistent.
Also take up a hobby that is weekly evening class...like sewing

You need to learn the power of the word No, this is a ridiculous ask. Once in a blue moon as a favour is totally fine and kind of you but a regular thing like this? Absolutely not. You are not responsible for her situation. You don’t need an excuse, just say no it doesn’t suit me and I hope you find a solution.

Nope here’s the number for a childminder! She is taking advantage. I think you need to say no more often.

God act your age. She’s taking advantage of you. Say no to anything she asks in future.

What does she ever do for you in return?

No, this is completely unreasonable from your neighbour. It's one thing to step in in an emergency (eg child is ill, other child needs to get to school) and quite another to be the childcare solution. She's showing a complete lack of respect towards you. In fact in your shoes I wouldn't agree to any more babysitting at all because NDN is the definition of "give them an inch and they take a mile".

'NO' would be the answer here.

If you want to be kind - you could say that you would help out on occasions... but that on those occasions your hourly rate would be ££££ (make sure it is enough to compensate for your time - and perhaps higher than a child-minders would be.)

Your hours are precious and not for free.