To not want to babysit neighbours kids

[Nevaurs]

Earlier this year, my neighbour asked if I could watch her child who was off school sick while she did took the other one to school. I was starting work late that day so didn’t mind. During the school holidays she asked me another few times if I could come over to watch them for 30 minutes/an hour. Sometimes I had to say I can’t because I’m working but she seems to think that because I work from home, I can just leave. She says “can’t you just take a break?” Or “can’t you just bring your laptop and work from here?”

She has just been offered a part time job and told me that some of her shifts will be late and asked if I could come round to watch her kids when she does late shifts. I really really don’t want to do this. I don’t mind as much when it’s every now and again for half an hour or so but committing to giving up some of my evenings for hours to go and sit with someone’s kids isn’t something I’d like to do. However I feel like I’m being unreasonable as it will really help her out and it’s a kind thing to do so I am on the verge of saying yes even though I don’t really want to. How would other people feel? What would you say?

Obviously if you don’t want to do it, you say no. It wouldn’t end well if you already resent having to do it before you even start, and it sounds like it would be a slippery slope to doing more and more for her. She will have to sort out proper childcare for when she’s working, like the rest of us have to.

I bet your neighbour wasn't working from home. And I'd also bet your Mum helped them out in some way occasionally as well.

It's a totally different thing helping someone very occasionally in an emergency than on a regular basis for work

You're spot on, it is different and it is a big ask. It's not the 1970s.

It's possible - even likely - that your mum repaid her neighbour's favours in kind somehow. Non-CFs find a way to do this. I've been given home made cake, a plant, childcare favours in return. It is not on you.

Absolute no to babysitting while working. She needs to treat your work with more respect quite frankly.

It's a very different ask.

We all sometimes need help in an unexpected situation, but we don't arrange our life around an expectation of help from others.

Tell her you might be able to do it when she's caught out (eg: child carer sick) but you'd prefer she arranged something else as the day to day position.

No don’t do it she is taking advantage of you and it will only get worse
I once stupidly agreed to have my friends little one on my day off when my own children were at school as she was at Uni and didn’t want to pay the childcare at first it wasn’t too bad couple of hours and she would pick him up but then it was getting later and later and I was then picking my two up her older child and still had the little one turned out she was going to the pub and one of the days she wasn’t even at Uni and had gone day drinking all day and turned up at 8pm to collect both of her children that was the last straw and the last time I ever had him.

Absolutely not. My colleague once asked me if I could have her daughter overnight once a week. I said no.

Absolutely this. Its genuinely astonishing to read.

Grow a backbone. Refer her to a babysitter

"Sorry, I've taken on some extra responsibilities and won't have time. I'm here for real emergencies but I can't commit to it and wouldn't want to be unreliable for you. Here's a local childminder that might have availability."

Hell no! Her kids, her problem.

She has lined you up for free childcare and sounds like a total pisstaker.

I would stop doing any 'can you just...' favours for her as she doesn't know when to stop.

Reply and say no, 'I work full time and am busy-I do not want to be a childminder and can't commit to any childcare for anyone else. Please do not accept this job offer if you are counting on me being there to look after your children-I'm too busy with my own job'.

No, just no! She’s taking the p

OP, she's taking advantage of your good nature and it's a classic case of doing a favour that suddenly gets looked upon as an obligation, leading to her being miffed if you (rightly) turn her down.
Half hour a couple of times a week will suddenly become hours at a time, and more frequent, as she's using you as a free childminding service.
You really need to say no now, or ask her how much she feels would be fair to pay you.

Unless your job is a child minder and you want to take on a new client then obviously the answer is No 🫤
If you are, and you do, set your night time rates at least double your day time rates and let her know how much your services cost.

I struggle to say no to people, but it gets easier with practice! I read recently that it is better to say ‘don’t’ rather than ‘can’t’ as people will try to persuade if if you ‘can’t’ but if you say that ‘I don’t do childcare’ or words to that effect it has a stronger message??!

I would avoid saying ‘unless it’s an emergency’ too as this leaves the door open for her to have a number of emergencies when she just hasn’t bothered to sort out childcare.

it would make her life easier yes, but her life is not your responsibility- she needs to make proper arrangements like the rest of us do. The only way this would be remotely acceptable is if you also had kids of a similar age and would do equal favours for each other.

Absolutely not. You give up your free time so she can earn..? She'll have to pay for childcare or speak to family!

Remember this.

No good deed goes unpunished.

This is a no brainer. You're being used as free childcare. Your job could suffer, you'll have less time for your own kids, more stress, you'd be a fool to do one more minute of babysitting for her.

You would be a chump to say yes.

‘It’s kind of you to offer me a childcare role, Marion, but I already work very full time and don’t want a part time job’.

I’d politely decline, not just because it takes up my time but also because of insurance liability. For regular babysitting, I’m pretty sure carers need some kind of insurance or licence. Who would be responsible if the kids had an accident while under your care? I’d just point her to a proper childcare service if she needs babysitting regularly.

This is ringing some safeguarding alarm bells for me that she has such little consideration for the care of her children. Be VERY firm in your NO you need to arrange appropriate childcare. I also feel sorry for her children being treated in this way. Its also absolutely not your responsibility to help her Do not have any guilt about saying no.

Please don't agree to this. She should never have accepted the job without proper childcare in place

Tell her that as this is becoming a regular arrangement you will have to discuss an hourly price. I gaurantee she will find someone else to ask. Or if she objects and says something like "But Im your neighbour! Surely you wouldnt charge a neighbour"

"Im not a charity. Im a businesswoman. And youve come to me with a business proosition!"

I cant count the times Ive offered to give a price to a CF neighbour and they all disappeared into the woodwork. Like the one who wanted to park one of her cars on my drive because I dont have a car. And the one who wanted hints and tips on how to sell on Ebay.

You want my services then you pay for them matey.

And then add - ‘You really need to be sourcing proper, registered, childcare in this situation’.

Don't do this. Its upto her to find childcare. She's taking advantage.

I am on the verge of saying yes even though I don’t really want to.

Don't be such a doormat-you will regret this so much!