Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

[Hidinginthelootoo]

My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

How very vulgar, (your sister, that is).

Yes! I would love to give everyone some money to help, I even have some ex students who I would love to buy a little house for as they struggle so much now

Hiding multiple millions? How odd.

If this is true, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask her to have a bit of sensitivity. It would be completely unreasonable to ask for money- it’s not a lottery win for heaven’s sake. And surely everyone who buys a house spends a huge sum in one day?

How much has she ‘inherited’ & is it through bereavement?

Of course it’s not! By the sounds of things it’s lottery level money. Would honestly see your parents continue to worry about putting the heating on or whatever? Would your children want that for their grandparents?? I’m astonished that anyone could be so cold.

I can’t believe people think the sister has done anything wrong, and not OP and her parents for slagging her off for not giving them any money.

I don’t know why you view this as a lottery win when it was her husbands money

What if he left you 5 million (for example) and your poor sister is working herself in to the ground with 2 jobs and still struggling to make ends meet? You’d still be comfortable with that would you?? I’m glad you’re not my sister 😂

Changing my mind here...since the money eventually would go to my child, I wouldn't give any to extended family (like cousins) nor give LOTS to charity, but I would give some to charity each year, and I would give some to my parents and a struggling sister. Since there are multimillions, enough for the sister's grandchildren not to work, I think some could be spared.

If you inherit this kind of money from a spouse, presumably you set up a trust so that the money benefits many future generations. Like the Middleton kids, who went to Marlborough via a trust that was sent up generations before, by a very wealthy ancestor who put money in trust for the education of her descendants.

I'm lucky. DH had his own businesses &, when he sold them as going concerns, we are very well off and there is plenty in trust funds for our DGCs.

My brother has never had much money - partly because of poor choices of partners who have taken him to the cleaners.

When our parents died & we both inherited about £300k each, frankly I didn't need their money so gifted my brother's 2 children £200k each in a trust fund, the rest has gone into our GC's trust funds.

Yeah I 100% would. 5 million is enough to last a life time and set your kids up, it’s not enough to keep you sisters, your nephews and nieces, your parents and anyone else who suddenly feels entitled to your money in a comfortable life. I’d personally would help my parents but that would be my decision and my DW who has a different relationship with her parents probably wouldn’t, and that’s fair enough

I’d give my parents and siblings the clothes on my back. We want only good things for each other.

But this attitude of entitlement and “it’s not faaaaaaair!”
would absolutely put me off helping to be fair.

If you're that close a family, she would have helped you out financially already? It's odd that she is not giving a bit of financial help to your parents, even if she doesn't want to give siblings anything? As she'll maybe inherit it back from the parents too?

This is one of those "its not what you say, its how you say it" moments.

Say that you love her and are happy for her but would she mind keeping her spending a bit more to herself when she knows that the rest of the family are struggling and its quite tactless to flaunt it. Make it clear that you dont expect her to share the money, but that it could cause some real upset if she keeps showing it off.

Although it sounds like she will end up like one of those bankrupt Lottery winners spending it at that rate. I seem to remember one who went from £10m ish to bankrupt in a few years. I think I would start the conversation by asking what investment advice she is recieving to make sure that the money works for her and lasts her whole life.

I can't imagine ever doing this to my family.
I often think about what I'd do if I won the lottery (multi millions) and my first 2 things would be buy a house for my sister and buy a house for my mum. I could never have that kind of wealth and not make sure that my close family members were financially secure.

I think it's sad that she's not helping your parents out, at the very least. Very sad.

But it's not though, is it? If he left it to his wife, its hers. Obviously you'd hope she'd steward it well for the benefit of future generations, but it's hers, which means she can do what she wants with it. MANY people don't believe in leaving vast wealth to their children, anyway.

I'd straight up ask her to help her family out 😭😭😭

Yabu sorry. Ask and go from there

If I came into multi millions I would make sure family members were comfortable.

I really sympathise OP and would have to say something. Even if it's as basic as "Could you not keep going on about the stuff you've bought when I/we are struggling for money. It's insensitive."

Picking up on people saying her sister should share. I think if I won the lottery and it was a substantial amount, I would pay off my siblings mortgages and cover the things they need now, and any nieces and nephews would get trust funds along with my children. I would do that with no thought at all. Atm my siblings and I all have adequate lives where money isn't a big problem so these things would be on top of what we already had.
If I inherited money from an ex that was a parent of my child, I think that my first priority would be to decide what my children needed first. I think inheriting is different from doing something like the lottery and there is a responsibility to make sure you child is covered for as much as they can be like uni, house deposits etc.....

In no circumstances though is bragging ok and you should think about other people's feelings, If you an do small things to help you should.

This happened to my FIL's sister and she wasted it all within a few years. Absolutely galling for everyone else!

How recently did she come in to the money?

how long was she married to the ogre?

I don’t think you should feel guilty for being jealous or resentful and anyone who wouldn’t feel like that must be a saint. I couldn’t enjoy spending all that money while my family struggled.

"I'm really happy you're enjoying this money but I'm struggling quite a bit financially and it kind of feels like having it rubbed in my face when you tell me all about your new sports car. Hearing you talk about spending money makes me remember how anxious I feel about my finances at the moment. Can we keep the talking about money to a minimum please?"

Honestly, you shouldn't have to, it's really crass to boast about your money, especially when you've decided not to be generous.

I had a friend like this. Nowhere near the same scale, but she landed an incredibly well-paying job at a time when all the rest of our friendship group were still struggling. She'd flag taxis everywhere which we couldn't afford but felt we should contribute to, she'd order lavishly in restaurants and then we'd all split the bill, she'd buy absolute shite for a fortune when we were worried about how to pay utilities. I couldn't understand how she became so totally unaware of the people around her and thew disparity. It created a bit of a rift, if I am honest.

YANBU to feel upset about her seemingly boasting about her money. It does seem rather tone deaf considering you are struggling.

But YABU too. She didn't win the lottery, she inherited the money. The money was left to her, not you or your parents.
And if she did help you and your parents out, then where would it stop?
I would also hazard a guess that the family of her ex DH may be giving her grief about not sharing her newly found wealth and putting their hands out too, especially if she only inherited because he had not got around to changing his will.