Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

[Hidinginthelootoo]

My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

" Look sis, I'm struggling financially at moment so you going on about how much you are spreading is not helping. I don't want to know so please don't tell me what you are buying".

If my husband died and left me a lot of money it wouldn’t occur to me to give it to my parents and siblings. That money would be for our children. The sister may be crass to show off to struggling relatives, that’s not good behaviour, but what sort of grandparent would expect money from their grandchildren’s inheritance? That’s hugely greedy and entitled

Sorry! Just seen the full thread…

Omg same! I worry about being able to include everyone as I have a big family. What is the point in having millions of those you love are struggling?!

I had a friend that inherited a lot of money. She talked about money non-stop and her favourite expression was "throw money at it".

She made my skin crawl.

really and she managed a car and a house for £300k. Hmm not that blowing it then

Yes I can agree with that.

She just seems to have awareness difficulties generally, so try not to take it personally.

I cannot imagine inheriting multimillions and not helping out my family. It's unfathomable to me. I'd probably even give some to my cousins as well, and to friends if they were struggling. But not everyone feels that way, not by a long shot. We sometimes hear of stars who have multimillions and never help out their families.

No amount of money can’t be spent. it goes exceptionally quick. The old adage of “a fool and his/her money …

Nice!! What on? Am hoping jewellery....

A holiday home and a car.

If I inherited millions I’d be spending extravagantly too, I also wouldn’t be being discreet, although I wouldn’t be giving anyone a breakdown of my spending but if I’m going on holiday, purchase a holiday home or a new car I’m not going to keep stuff secret. I don’t think that’s being dickish. But I understand your jealousy.

I’d help my parents out as I worry they won’t have enough money for retirement but I’d not be sharing the wealth with my siblings because where does it end, will there be cousins, nieces and nephews etc who will suddenly think that because I have money I should be easing their financial burden? I do my best to treat my nieces and nephews as I earn an ok wage and my brothers are on benefits, but if I got millions I wouldn’t be the family bank.

I also would be incredibly jealous and resentful if I saw either of my siblings inherit such a wealth. It’s completely normal to feel that way. But I also think the way she’s reacting is completely normal so I don’t think pp are fair saying she’s being a dick. Unless she’s coming to you rubbing it in your face, then I think you just need to get used to the new normal. Also she was married to this man, she has children with him so I don’t know why you feel like it’s undeserved.

Don't get drawn into a long conversation or any sort of drama about it, but do tell her, bluntly, that she must never, ever go on about her spending to people who have less than she does. It is crass, insensitive, and likely to make people feel much worse about their lives. The only time she should mention money to you (or anyone poorer than her) is to tell you the amount of the large cash gift she is giving you.

Say all that, once, clearly, then tell her to shut up every time going forward.
Grief does not give her a free pass to trample all over other people.

Very mean of her not to share her good fortune.

Why don't you read the OP's explanations?

But it's not the child's money, is it, because it was left to the wife.

I agree with this. It’s batshit.

You’re allowed to feel resentment.
She’s allowed to spend (waste?) the money as she sees fit.
She’s allowed to exclude you from her spending spree. She doesn’t owe you anything.
She’s allowed to change with the money.
You’re allowed to distance yourself if the money changes her into someone you don’t find pleasant.
I couldn’t imagine not sharing such good fortune though.

Yes, I know that's what the OP's sister spent it on, but another poster said she spent the same in one day, too.

I mean my sister married a dentist and they have money coming out of their ears. I do not want nor expect any handouts from her, and I am happy for her good fortune and happy marriage 🤷🏻‍♀️

Estranged wife.
who got the money by virtue of a will that hadn’t been updated. Legally it’s hers…morally at least half isn’t imo

"I'm so happy you're able to buy all these lovely things, but I must admit it is hard to listen to when I'm struggling to pay the mortgage. Would you mind reigning in the money talk when we're together?"

If I won money the first things I'd do is give to my loved ones. What's up with your sister?

In a situation like this, there is nothing you can do to change the situation. It is natural to feel unsettled that you are angry inside at the injustice of it.

sometimes life happens, don't fight the feelings, nor the situation. I wouldn't contact your DSis at the moment. Take control, give yourself permission to feel the way you do, sit with it for a while and gradually you'll come to terms with it.

dont wish for any money. That's damaging. Whatever she gives you will feel like an insult, if she has inherited £MMMM, she had her moment to be generous, clearly she doesn't feel the need - anything now will make her feel like she's being dragged kicking and screaming, and will make things worse.

I can’t imagine how self-absorbed a person must be not to realise just how crass they’re being, and I’d definitely judge someone who wouldn’t help the family that they’re close to.