Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

[Hidinginthelootoo]

My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

We only have the OP's word for it that her sister isn't grieving. Anyone I've known who has a difficult relationship and one has died, whereas they may be relieved, but there are also very complex feelings around it. There is still a grieving process to go through.

And the spending money, I don't think the Op has made any attempt to present it as any way other than their side.
"She's spent £300k in one day" was clearly presented to make her sister look unreasonable. But it turns out it was on a holiday house and a sports car - she could have easily spent several time messaging that on those things.

We had a small inheritance from dh's grandma. We had the kitchen done and the windows. Maybe people thought we were flaunting... But we'd not been able to afford any improvements on the house before. The kitchen was 40 years old and the single glazed wooden framed windows were similar age.
Maybe she's just doing the homework improvements that really could have done with being done 20 years ago but she didn't have the money

I suspect the sister's side would be very different

I idly wonder how long it would be before assorted people I share DNA with suddenly decide that they were wondering how I am. And how long it would take for the ex to fetch up at my workplace.

I'd give about 24 hours to allow for them planning a sob story or suitably emotive whine about how I was given 'thousands' - ie, eighty quid when I had my bag stolen in 1994 to tide me over until payday - and that it was time for me to make amends for that noble sacrifice that I paid back weeks later.

Just tell her that while you are happy that she is in a financially secure position, you'd prefer it that she did not keep showing you what she's bought and how much she's spent as you find it it really disheartening as you and the rest of the family are struggling to get by.

A sibling won a life changing amount of money. They did help out their step kids and bought a new home. It hasn't changed them at all still as miserly with money as he was before, it's a shame really they are not enjoying the money but they can't change the habit of a lifetime. Still buy yellow stickers in supermarkets 😂

Maybe show your caring side and ask her how she is feeling. Maybe her spending is distracting her from the painful circumstances in which she inherited. Maybe if she spent some of the money on supporting her own mental and physical health it might help everyone. Perhaps you could suggest professional therapy or other supportive services to help her manage the sadness.

You mean "rein" it in, as in controlling a horse. To reign is to rule over subjects, like a King or Queen.

I can't believe most of the comments on here! I'm not suggesting the sister is right in how she behaves however, I wouldn't judge her until i've heard her side of the story. I can't only speak for myself. I come from a family of 8, the youngest actually. Dad was quite wealthy and my eldest siblings had the best growing up. Unfortunately, dad died when I was 9. All of them have literally not attempted to make anything of themselves. Spent their youths in nightclubs, partying away, holidaying etc. I on the other hand was determined not to end up like them. Went to university and the rest is history. I've now acquired a very comfortable lifestyle whereas the rest of them are still in very low paid jobs or on benefits. I've assisted all of them financially over the years but they they would just spent it all on alcohol etc. I currently support my elderly mum with a monthly allowance and pay gardener and cleaners weekly. Yet they all still bemoan the fact that I do not help them. I can't see what more I can do to assist. My sister lived with me rent and bills free for 4 years at one point. I asked her to save most of her income so she can put down as deposit to buy a house of her own. 4 years later, when she left, she had no penny to her name. I've recently taken early retirement and i'm eventually starting to enjoy the fruits of my labour eg, travelling first and business class to holiday destinations with my husband and children. When they found out, it was hell for me! Just saying, please listen to both sides of the story. Perhaps she's not bragging to you about spending £300k, perhaps she's just living her best life and you happen to see her Facebook posts or WhatsApp posts. Please be happy for your sister and try to make a better life for yourself instead of envy

My sister exactly the same. Mum and dad struggling. I was struggling as a single parent. She never helped anyone. She's a disgrace.
Just avoid the self centered cow from now on. It will make you feel better. She probably won't notice as so self absorbed

Perhaps she's living a fantasy she's been wanting to explore and living the life she's always dreamt of or perhaps she's using it as a coping mechanism buying materialistic things to fill a very real void. If I was in your shoes I would simply ask her if she's doing ok . Money comes , money goes but it can make or break relationships I understand it's difficult for you and she's very clearly throwing it in your face but I suspect it's her way of masking what is really going on a 300k splurge is a very show off and garish thing to do but it's always a very expensive cry for help . With all the money she could probably do with some real human interaction. I understand you need someone there for you but being there for her sounds extremely important right now . Your kindness despite not having a lot could very well change her attitude to the situation and potentially open her mind to financially helping you . Your bond will be stronger and you will both be happier i understand it's hard watching someone thrive when you yourself are on hard times but a big green garden isnt impressive if it's filled with weeds.

I wouldn't be able to bring myself to ask for money but I'd point out how much your parents are struggling and say something like 'I wish I could help but can't even afford ...'
Some people are totally oblivious to others struggling. I would love to win £1,000,000 and buy my sister's and mam and dad a house. Nothing fancy but they would buy me too.

Multi millions and she didn't give her parents a bung ???

Rain it in yourself !

Grief makes people do crazy things.
maybe her mental health isn’t good? I can’t imagine spending 300k unless for a house.

You mention that you are working 2 jobs to try to get by and also help out your parents. Could you tactfully ask your sister if she could help out your parents? Say something like you are working extra / overtime so as to help them. Would she consider helping them out to take some of the pressure off you? I don't think that would be unreasonable and quite honestly it makes sense. She might say no but it's worth an ask.

This may not end well for her unfortunately.

I wonder if it's worth giving her an article/info about what to do when you inherit a lot of money, and what happens to sudden millionaires (like lottery winners or sports stars) who spend indiscriminately. Many go bankrupt. Frame it that you are worried about her--because someone should be.

Her child's father has died so I think it's a bit crass to compare her inheritance to a lottery win. Even if they were separated.

It's disappointing that she doesn't want to share her wealth with the wider family, but that's her prerogative. You can choose to be envious but that will only eat away at you in the end.

Perhaps you could say to her that she could possibly invest in some property as well as help family , by buying a couple of houses and let you live in them rent free .

I think it's very sad that she doesn't do something to help her family. If I came into that sort of money I would want to give a decent amount to my family. I think it's the right thing to do but also I would enjoy helping them out.
Sadly, there are a lot of very selfish people about and your sister seems to be one of them. So you're not unreasonable to feel unhappy about it at all. It doesn't reflect well on her as a person.

How has she inherited it as your sister yet you haven't?

Somebody else tell her......🙄

I have to say this sounds like a you problem

Staggering isn’t it that someone so close can be so self absorbed, mean and thoughtless? People can square things off to suit themselves. There can be such joy in giving and helping-why don’t people see this?
I would try a few comments like ‘I can’t imagine what your life is like now with all this money-it must be a very different life to the rest of us’ or ‘you know mum and dads car is on it last legs’ and see how she reacts.
I encountered something similar but it was inheritance related. My mum always said that this person always let money run through her fingers. Her partner inherited their home and she earns over £100k. She inherited hundreds of thousands and could have given me / my kids say £5k, it would have meant the world to us.
If your DS continues spending I think it will be so hard for you not to say something.

I think most people who inherited that kind of money would be only too happy to help out their immediate family who were struggling. How self centred 😔

Why don't people read the full thread?