Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

[Hidinginthelootoo]

My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

She didn’t know he was effectively a secret multi millionaire until he died. He hadn’t changed Will & had bio kids not with OP I think (?)

A lot hinges on when he died.

Was she very comfortably off before? Sounds like an astonishing shock & change.

This.

On this sort of thread people fall over themselves to say how if it was them in that situation then they'd support everyone and give their whole family a windfall. It's so easy to spend imaginary money and be generous with someone else's.

But in real terms most people would think of their little family first. Especially if they'd had a tough time together for the last few years and there isn't going to be more money coming along the lines later.

And I suspect that most people who think "if only she'd just paid my dc £100k each, how happy I'd have been", if she had done that, they'd have been moaning how mean she was for "only" giving them that much and keeping much more.

She's clearly had a pretty miserable time, as have her dc before now, so she's enjoying herself. Lovely. Isn't that nice? Especially for those who love her and know how bad it's been.

And she's not buying sports cars and holiday homes every day is she? So saying she spent £300k in a day is not really looking at the situation. I mean, how much did you pay for your house? You spent that amount in one day too.

She should be using the money to invest for her dc and herself first and foremost. That is what the money is for. And if my siblings were in that situation, it wouldn't occur to me that they would give me or my dc some. It's their's and for their future.

When someone comes into money, there is also someone telling them how they can spend it.

You sound jealous.

I think you need to say something like - i’m sorry for your loss and I’m sure it’s a shock and a difficult time. However, it’s very challenging for me to heard about your spending when money is so tight for me. I don’t want your money, rather I want you to stop talking about what you are spending.

Just explain that you're struggling financially and while you're happy for her and so sorry she had a loss (presumably) could she just be mindful of your circumstances that aren't likely to change so drastically and could she just not talk as much a out money and spending.

I do feel for you and your parents.
If I had that sort of money I would definitely help my family out.
Tbh, I think it’s incredibly selfish that she doesn’t.

I know you're not asking her for money but I can't believe she's not giving you any. When I inherited (a much much smaller amount) the first thing I did was give my mum ten percent and so did my sibling.

She’s struggling. Her parents are struggling. Her sister has over ten million.

Why wouldn’t she feel jealous?!!

Such a shit thing to watch people you supposedly love work their arses off when you could help with pretty much no impact on your own wealth.

Is she usually unaware of others around her? Do you think she’s grieving and so it’s hard for her to think objectively?

If it’s a partner rather than a parent in law who has died I would imagine she could be really struggling and maybe behaving out of character? Really difficult for you and your parents to witness both her sadness and apparent disregard for your situations.

Not even his own child is grieving him. Read the OP's posts.

She’s struggling with no mortgage or rent. I find her idea of struggling somewhat different to most so take it with a large pinch of salt frankly.

Doesn't mean her sister, parents or anybody else should be hovering around muttering or gossiping that they deserve a nice wodge of the money she's received on the basis of having suffered at his hands for however long they did beforehand, though.

When you said she’s spending up to £300k a day, and that her child and her child’s child would never struggle for money I thought you meant at least £50m. Maybe more.

If she’s spending like that £10m will be pretty much gone in no time. Her child won’t see it other than any lasting assets like properties. That’s insane.

If someone gave me £10m now I’d be investing at least half of it. Pretty easy to crack through that amount these days on flashy cars and holidays.

OP said she spent £300k in one day. Not unheard of when someone buys a house. Her sister bought a holiday property and a car. She is not spending £300k everyday.

So don't smile at her!

Whether or not she's got a pathological reason for not understanding peoples emotions, it doesn't change that she clearly doesn't or isn't in this scenario. Speak plainly to her.

But that’s your projection.

Op is allowed her own feelings on the matter… and many people would struggle to watch a sibling inherit millions and not go on to use ANY of it to help family.

From the tone of OPs post this isn’t a one off. Sounds like she’s being pretty frivolous, splashing the cash and not being concerned about the future or providing an income for her and for her child in the future, as I’m sure OP would not have any issue with. I stand by what I said.

While of course she has no legal obligation to share any money with her family, if someone inherits 10 million pounds and doesn't use any of it to support their struggling family then it does reflect poorly on them as a person.

10 million is a lot of assets hiding /good investments

It is not OP's money though and therefore not her business.

Especially as a shock & modest life before it seems & mid manager. Maybe some just invest wisely.

That is true it’s like when people complain they are skint with 20/30k in savings. Or say they are poor with a mortgage free house and two mercs on the drive with multiple holidays aboard.

Neither are poor by millions of peoples standards in the uk. Not rich to some maybe but definitely not poor or struggling.

No mortgage or rent even in poor areas can be £500-£1,000 a month saving compared to genuinely poor struggling who have to pay that plus all the normal bills.

She only has responsibility for your parents or her kids if they are not adults. She is not responsible for you or her siblings if you are adults and is doing you no favours by giving you money. Stop looking at what she spends and concentrate how you can improve your life, be grateful for what you have

Every month when the Premium Bond results are due I plan how I might share a big win with my family and what it might do to enhance their lives.

Your sister sounds very selfish and greedy.

I think OP does want her sister to help her and the rest of the family with a financial gift, but may be trying hard not to think it. Really, that much money could help them all. Sister can do as she likes. It sounds like she'll spend it all stupidly anyway. OP needs to own her feelings, maybe outright ask sister to gift money to their parents to pay debt. Better to ask than just sit biting your tongue or silently judging.