Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

[Hidinginthelootoo]

My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

He had investments that paid out.

No because he hid it and most likely would have kept the lot had he survived their divorce if the OPs sister had no idea about it.

That’s a very good point. Presumably your sister lived a good life at one point before? Or middle management & the high net worth total shock? If separated & he’d forgotten to change Will, OP it might be contested?

As someone said, unless from money or inherited prior, & he’s middle management that’s v good financial planning.

Op I've gone carefully back through your posts and what you say is true, you haven't said you expect any of the money - other than mentioning a sum for nieces and nephews. I think when you painted the financial situation of your families it came across as implied, an impression reinforced when other posters started saying how they would be showering it around.

I do understand that having it rubbed in your face would be hard, and I sympathise with that. I think it does sound a bit as though your Dsis is a bit lacking in awareness, and for that I feel for you.

I do, however, think the money rightly belongs in her immediate family. It is her son's father who has died.

It may be that if she herself invests it wisely and generates an income that starts to be a more appropriate stream to help family with in the sense that she has built it, but the bequest itself I think is rightly preserved for the deceased's real heirs and beneficiaries. It may be that something comes your way from that income stream (so long as she invests enough!)

I hope that thought is helpful as much as anything - in that it maybe helps see her as less mean-spirited from your perspective.

she may think because you have no mortgage or debt you are in a good financial position

just speak to her - she may not want to look patronising but giving you money

OP

She has always been a bit lacking in emotional intelligence and reading between lines. I think if she took a test she may be on the spectrum somewhere, I feel this is the problem, she can't see what is happening behind people's smiles.

If that's the case, it's a good idea to explain, matter-of-factly without emotion. So she can understand others a bit better.

This is true for autistic people in all sorts of situations, incidentally! If someone doesn't get hints or have the ability to read between the lines, it's the kindest and most helpful thing all round to explain.

If that's the case, it's a good idea to explain, matter-of-factly without emotion. So she can understand others a bit better.

I think so too op. At the very least she might get the hint to shut up!

This is peak MN. Someone not sharing newly gained wealth must be "on the spectrum".
So many arm chair shrinks on here. You should all get a job in the real world and shrink the MH waiting lists.

No its not quite that,

What OP observed was that her Dsis often lacks an ability to read between the lines. That is common with people on the spectrum - as opposed to what you suggest which is sheer selfishness.

If you bother to read the OPs posts you would know the answer to this!

You have paid off your mortgage and are claiming poverty. Your sister was in a financially abusive relationship and finally has access to her own money. (Because in a marriage it is all family money) Your niece/nephew will absolutely be grieving and confused even if they are outwardly relieved and your first reaction is to wonder where your kids share of the money is. It’s a pretty tacky attitude. But if that’s all you care about maybe you should make an effort to act like you did before she had money and your kids might be left an inheritance from her further down the line.

Tell her you're broke and could she spare a few quid.

Surely any conversation depends on how long ago sister’s DP died? Sounds like Sis might be having a personal splurge & planning to give a large proportion to other members of DP’s bio family?

If he’s recently died surely any direct convo crass?

If I inherited or win over 10 million pounds I wouldnt think twice about giving some of it to the important members of my family. I just wouldn't. So yes people are right, it's her money blah blah. But I don't get her I really don't

Or luck. My friend is now a multi millionnaire after her divorce, although not to this level. Her and her husband were just an average middle class couple. He was offered shares instead of a cash bonus and took them, the only sales person that did. Then the business went stratospheric (you will have heard of it) and became a multimillionaire very quickly. Unfortunately it turned him into a massive wanker and became very abusive. So she divorced him and walked away with a nice chunk. He was pissed off because had to sell one of his Ferraris (sp?).

I think Alec Guinnes took a percentage of Star Wars gross as part of his pay even though many people thought it would bomb.......nice one! Sometimes the gamble pays off.

It’s likely she’s already blown a mill. Depending on if she has made investments there may well be nowhere near 10mil sat in one account to get that kind of interest coutts pays out.

It you are financially savvy then everything she purchased would have been offset to be paid via the interest not using her capital but it’s unlikely if she’s never had money before.

It’s why rich people often get mortgages still as the interest paid on their sum or higher than the interest paid on the mortgage but again only if you know about those things.

OP said he hid the money from the sister, but never updated his will, so she got all of it when he died.

Sure, but it’s very rare an average middle management employee has shares that perform unusually well to tune of north of 10 mill. As you say…Glad your friend got away.

IME those who have had got this sort of cash got it from a company sale or are in banking &/or inherited wealth.

I was simply responding to OPs suggestion that her sister is on the spectrum.

OP was saying this in relation to the fact that family members help out the sister with practical things (which she could clearly now pay for) and she doesn't even offer them a coffee in return! Plus being insensitive enough to talk about how she's splashing money about without considering their feelings due to their own financial situations.

Perhaps the sister is just self-absorbed, but OP has suggested this has been an ongoing issue hence why OP suggested neurodiversity.

As an autistic person myself, who has had to intervene and explain things to a much more autistic family member, I was simply trying to be helpful.

It you are financially savvy then everything she purchased would have been offset to be paid via the interest not using her capital but it’s unlikely if she’s never had money before.

This is exactly what I was meaning - and I wouldn't have the same issue with her giving to the family from this stream.

I think it was helpful - and can see how you meant it.

But surely she'd always have had money if it was from her husband

This can't be real.

Her ex DH died and had investments that she did not know about, hence the large and surprise inheritance.