Sister has inherited huge wealth. Help

[Hidinginthelootoo]

My sister has inherited huge wealth... multi millions. Through sad circumstances.
Myself, my younger sister and our parents are all struggling money wise, due to poor pay (work two jobs to try to help), sister is divorce, parents just pensioners. I am trying so hard to be happy for her as she spends spends spends, one day she spent £300k! I try to oo and aa over what she buys, but I'm dying inside and drowning at home. Please help me be more positive, or explain nicely how it's making me feel without ruining our relationship.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with saying to her that her new wealth, and subsequent lavish spending, is tormenting you in light of your own circumstances. It has to be said because there's no way you'll be able to stand keeping it up without reaching breaking point unless you cut off all contact.

My late MIL knew her, her spend spend spend was typical of her apparently even before he won the money.

I would just ask for money. I know no ones 'entitled' to someone else's money, but how you enjoy wealth while close family are struggling is beyond me. I wouldn't care if I came accross jealous either, it's a valid situation to be enviable over (the wealth not the bereavement)

I actually think you are doing much better than you think you are. You have no mortgage and debts and you have good financial managment. If you managed to pay off your mortgage you could easily work out your expenses for an emergency fund, and then be home free to start with your own investments.

Your sister sounds like she won't be rich for long, with the way she is spending it sounds like she is depressed and trying to make herself feel better. She also doesnt sound like she has any financial literacy.

Every time she bring up her spending ask her why she does that and that you are worried she will burn through the money with no safety net. She needs a therapist and a financial advisor otherwise she will become dependent on you and that really isn't fair.

I love the idea of winning a lot of money and turning up at friend's houses and announcing that I'm giving them a life changing amount of money. Your sister is a selfish cow.

There's a vast difference between work colleagues and your own parents! Would I bail out random work colleagues. No I bloody wouldn't. Would I help my parents and sister if I inherited ten million pounds. Yes of course, and I think the vast majority of people would too. In what world can't you help your own family without subsidising every Tom, Dick or Harry as well.

She didn't win it, her ex husband and the father of her child died.

She was named in the will... OP was not.

My point was people turn grabby when they know you have money, and it is not always family.

FWIW 10M is nothing like enough for her child and future grandchildren never to have to worry about money. She certainly can burn through that kind of money, and potentially in a fairly short time if she's spending as you're describing.

I hope she has a good chunk of it locked away securely for her child.

So you have got children plural, and from the sound of it a DH, your sister has one child, was married to an ogre, and now doesn’t have a partner. YANBU to feel some resentment about her wealth, it’s human, but maybe try bearing in mind a bit the things you have that she doesn’t? Wealth comes in multiple different forms. If you have a happy marriage and she doesn’t, she may well have felt envious of you at times, and the same if she wanted more than one child.

That you say you think she may be on the spectrum says a lot.

Bad financial decision making is a known issue with ADHD. Not all people with ADHD have it but enough to make it a "thing" with ADHD. A close family member has ADHD and BPD (a fun combination for all concerned) and when he is manic his spending is out of control, his wife just about manages to keep on top of it but it is a struggle. She absolutely insists on keeping their finances seperate because if she didnt he would blow through her money too when he is one of those phases. Luckily it doesnt happen very often and he is happy for her to manage their finances (bill paying etc) as he knows that in that state, he wouldnt. His skint times and any debt are very much his to deal with without it affecting her as well.

So she really does need a good financial advisor to lock away as much as possible so its a lot harder for her to just spunk the lot.

Come on this sounds silly. She’s now got £10m+ yet you’re living hand to mouth and YOURE helping her out for free. Your wringing your hands that she doesn’t notice and don’t want a handout yet you’d like her to notice and think. To be honest I think you sound a bit too hard to read and I suspect you’ve told her directly you don’t want anything and she’s taken you verbatim. Stop being so pious and proud and ask her to share her good fortune

I cannot imagine the thought process of a person like this who would not want to share this vast amount of money with their family.

When I fantasise about winning the Euromillions one of the first things on my list would be to make sure my mum, my sister and my lovely in laws would be given large gifts of money - surely that is one of the greatest pleasures of being very wealthy?

Absolutely and no-one's in any doubt about that. But you don't have to say yes do you. Sadly I think your aunt was a bit of a soft touch. Anyway, with £10 million in the bank I doubt that the OP's sister has to worry about begging work colleagues.

OP if she’s always been unaware of other’s emotions then you can definitely be more blunt about how this lands with you - she just isn’t seeing this from anyone else’s pov. And for that reason, don’t feel bad about the way you feel and don’t take it personally (easier said than done, I know).

I have a similar dynamic with my brother - in my last chat with him, he literally listed the holidays he and his family have been on this year (so far) with a “we’ve been very restrained this year” it was - Skiing, Paris, Turkey, Disneyland, more skiing… I had one week in Norfolk with my in-laws!!

YANBU xx

I would approach it from the point of view of her helping out her/your parents. She may genuinely not be aware they are struggling. Could you gently point out how it makes them feel and maybe she could go out of her way to help with one specific thing (repairs? New car? new kitchen?).

At that rate she will spend it all.

I think id have to avoid her after this. She sounds selfish and materialistic. She will probably fall into a depression once the money has gone.

Probably medico-legal settlement. Given the circumstances are reported to be sad
I really don’t think it’s appropriate for posters to denigrate a woman who’s cash rich but probably in emotional turmoil

IME the very wealthy live conservatively almost frugally for some & wouldn’t think 10 odd mil the amount you’d consider helping out across the board except in dire circumstances. There are those in that bracket that effectively can’t afford to do necessary repairs on small country pad. School fees etc too. Everything is on the down low, they travel by tube etc. They ski & have a decent summer hol.

Prob why they stay rich. As some say if we knew how much others really had they’d be a revolution.

How long ago did her husband die?

Saw op other posts. A rich deceased ex.husband

I think you need to be honest with her. Just say I’m happy for you but I’m struggling and I don’t want it to turn to resentment as I really love you.

Well money isn't everything. It seems there's already a rift forming between her and her family. No money is going to be able to repair that. Be careful to remember what is important here.

So presumably she was already wealthy if she was married to such a wealthy man?

eh? Even at a modest 4% return you would be making £400k a year off £10million, leaving the capital untouched. That could last quite a while…