To not pay stepchild’s private school fees.

[CloverRiver]

My stepchild is 13 and has 3 years left of secondary school. They’ve been in a nice private school for the past 2 years, funded by my DP and his ex-wife. They benefited from a reduction and discount in fees.

My stepchild recently came to live with us full time, this is ordered by the court and social services and it has been traumatic for him. I’ll avoid details because I don’t want to out myself and to protect their privacy.

My issue: My stepchild’s school has now said that, as my stepchild is living with us full time, they want to assess my income and I need to be a co-signature to his school fees. I do not want to be liable for school fees, potentially thousands a year. If I sign this contract I will be made joint and severely liable, if for whatever reason DP didn’t pay or we split up I’d still be liable for it. I also do not want my accounts being analysed in depth, audited etc. DP and I are not married but we do live together and have done for a number of years.

I have told DP that it’s a firm no but he is now really cross and adamant this will potentially mean his child loses his place at school. The school has sent two emails now saying they want my income details and that they expect me to sign the contract. Before people suggest pulling him out and putting him in state, he has moderate autism, so he really does need and benefit from the school.

but is she financially solvent enough to still contribute @CloverRiver?

Assuming there is already a Child Arrangements Order in force, could your partner apply for a Specific Issue Order in Family Court to resolve the fees issue?

Can she really just abrogate her financial obligations for her son?

OK, I work in an independent school and this is wrong on the part of the school. If you do not have parental responsibility, then the only details they need to take into account are the child's biological parents. They should be able to get all the information they need from the father. You certainly shouldn't be asked to sign the contract as its not your child.

I'm surprised the assessment (to determine if you would still get the bursary) and contract are all rolled into one, usually they would be two separate things.

Have you got the actual wording that they used to infer that?

I can't see the problem disclosing your income for the assessment, and I would do that personally to move things on to the next stage. BUT you have no liability as an another adult in the household to sign to say you will agree to pay them, you would have to sign an actual contract for that, so just provide the income and deal with it from there.

It's the government who have said the parent is entitled because they count the partner's income as the parent's income. So they assume whatever I am getting paid, I will be giving some of that to my live in partner. They've created that entitlement without giving you any way to enforce it.

In this case, I don’t understand why the mum is now off the hook, unless this is something your partner agreed to in court?

CMS is due regardless of contact. Even if she’s not working, surely that can be considered as her income for the school’s calculations.

Why isn't your partner going to talk to the Head?

If his son was withdrawn from his mother's care, that is serious and she is either mentally unwell, abusive, a criminal, or all of those.
Those are extenuating circumstances.

Why isn't he talking to the school?

What a nasty little dig. OP could sign up to this tomorrow and split with her partner and she would have to pay.

You'd be singing a different tune if a mother was asking the step-father to sign this.

OP, is the house yours? Your DP should move out.

It's three years, I would either contribute or help DP in other ways so he can continue to pay it. If you're not willing to do that then you should move out so DP can pay the school fees at the reduced amount and step sons life isn't even more disrupted than it has been. Either you're part of the family or you're not.

It also depends on future children, surely? OP hasn’t said if they have younger children or want them. If so, can they afford to send them all to private school? If not, why should SS be prioritised over the others from the same household?

If you don’t agree to pay a share of the school fees your DP’s child will have to leave the private school and go to the local secondary school, dealing with a change of school along with the issues with his DM are going to be traumatic for him. You have to live with him full time now, have you thought about the consequences of this. If the child finds out that it’s because of you that they had to leave their private school they could turn against you, have you considered that? They could make your life a misery and end your relationship.

If you don’t want to pay, move out for three years, that way your DP will still qualify for assistance with the fees.

Just don't live with them then. Or force the parent who isn't living with the child to pay enough for their child that they don't need to lean on a new partner or benefits.

Yes, it is. It’s a legal term. Joint and several liability means that each party to the arrangement could be made responsible for the entire debt, if one party defaulted.

Severally liable would mean that one party could only be pursued for their individual share.

All the changes are because of his mother, not OP.

Op doesn’t have to move out of her home.

if it's her house, why on earth would she move out? He can move out. This propensity to expect step-mothers to sacrifice all is bizarre.

Her DP can move out.

OP I don’t think YABU but can see the why the school are requesting this. There are probably rules around the bursary offer and as the situation has changed they need to reasses.
I understand the mum is currently ‘estranged’ from her son but does she understand the school place will be withdrawn if she doesn’t pay?

Could DP move out of your shared home with DSS so you are no longer part of the equation as far as school is concerned?

Are the fees affordable to you in the short term? In the longer term, your DP works out some way to pay you back? (Signing over equity in your shared home perhaps).

Does DSS have an EHCP, could the school be named and then the Local Authority would be liable.

If none of these work DSS will have to be withdrawn which is what happens when families have a change of circumstances.

But its nothing like UC. The DP here isn’t seeking a bursary to help with the cost of rent, food and general living. If he was then absolutely all working adults benefitting in the household should be assessed.

This is a service outside of the home which the child’s parents have procured and in which the OP has no say now or in the future. The child still has a mother and being a bad or incapable parent doesn’t exempt you from financial responsibility for them. The school should be assessing the parents’ incomes whichever parent has residence. The OP could lose all contact with the child overnight if her DP moved out but she would still be legally responsible for the child’s school fees.

School fees are from private organisations for an external service, not tax funded benefits to keep a roof over the head.

A better analogy would be if the DP had taken out an expensive car lease he couldn’t now afford and the leasehire company wanted the OP to sign up for responsibility for his bills.

@CloverRiver it's really not your problem. You're not a stepmother, but cohabiting with the childs father.

It's your partner's place to deal with the school not yours. I wouldn't respond to them.

Hi OP, not sure if you saw my post in the many, but have worked in a bursary and done these assessments.

They are now viewing you as a "household" within their rules, trust me, you won't like the intrusive level of their assessment.

The work round I would suggest is: get a solicitor to draw up a formal lodging agreement with correctly calculated monthly fee for their accommodations. Register a self employment with HMRC to declare this - your DP then pays you as a landlady, you cannot then be assessed as a household.

I would not respond to the school in any way yourself, and don't go to the school, ie don't be seen as a couple.

Well, noone can win here.

You get assessed, he loses the bursary, DP has to pay, and can't.

You refuse to get assessed, he loses the bursary, DP has to pay and can't.

Either way, he's losing his place.

Only answers are: DP moves out with his ds, then is assessed individually (assuming the school accepts this). The bursary might even go up a bit. But both your living costs will be higher. Relationship may end I guess.

Or; you contribute to the fees with no bursary (i.e. pay the difference) with some legal contract with DP that he pays you back after the fees are ended, regardless of your relationship status at that point. And preferably you take a charge over some asset of his to ensure you are covered.

Or; you both just start planning to move ds school.

I would agree they can’t make her sign for a full fee situation, but if they’re offering a hefty bursary they can apply whatever rules they like. If the child’s guardians don’t like the rules, they don’t get the bursary.

@Pineapplewaves

"If the child finds out that it’s because of you"

It's because his Mum and Dad can no longer afford to privately educate him NOT @CloverRiver

This. I’d send an email saying I have no legal responsibility for this child, please do not contact me again. Any contact should be with the child’s parents.

A non-married partner is not responsible for school fees and cannot be made to be.

The assessment of all household income is standard for bursaries. If circumstances change the income will need to be reassessed. But that does not mean the outcome of the re-assessment will alter the existing terms of the bursary.

If OP signed a contract she could be held jointly and severally (not severly) liable, but there is no obligation to do so. If OP has neither signed the contract or adopted the child, she has no legal liability.