To think gentle parenting has made some kids unbearable to be around?

[KindButFirmFox]

Boundaries aren’t oppression.
Sometimes “gentle” just looks like “ineffective”.

AIBU to think balance has been lost between empathy and discipline?

Agree that smacking is not acceptable, but if faced with

1. effective discipline (preferably not a smack) that means parent has control versus
2. parent who never has control and child refuses school/no job/crime

I’d go for option 1

Baby led weaning isn't really a fad. Years ago, baby food companies realised they could market pureed food at tiny babies and encouraged parents to spoon-feed them from as young as 3 weeks. Then someone said, hang on, didn't babies cope perfectly fine eating the same food as everyone else alongside milk when they were ready for it? It's purees that are the "fad".

It's not gentle parenting that's done this.

It's lazy permissive parenting that's masquerading as gentle parenting. 🙄

Honestly if a 2 year oldcan't sit through a meal and plenty can't including my now 21yo. You either

1. don't take them to a restaurant till they can
2. Time it for nap time
3. Tag team and take them for a walk outside/ to look at the fish in the tank/ any old bollocks until youhave both finished eating.
4. Just order one course

Sticking them in front of a screen is just lazy and terrible for their developmemt.

Neither of those options are acceptable. If someone is so bad at parenting that they are choosing between hitting and not parenting at all then they need to be attending parenting classes and wearing condoms.

Im mid thirties with a 2.5 year old. I have lots of friends with similar aged children. None of us are doing what’s described on this thread, we’re just being reasonable with them. No shouting, but everyone’s taught manners, sharing, not to hit/bite etc. Lots of boundaries, but also using common sense to get things done, a silly game/distraction to get shoes on for example if they don’t want to do it. Whatever gets it done quickest usually! Toddlers by default are unreasonable and don’t understand reasons so I don’t understand why anyone is over explaining anything. We’re also all strict on screen time, no portable screens for example. I don’t want my child to be an arsehole and think the world revolves around them so I’m doing what I can to avoid this!

@TheIceBear have you read any research on brain development of under 3s and screen use?? It’s very very negative. He may be able to behave within a normal framework like other children, but displaced learning of other things caused by the screens during those times will have had a negative impact.

It’s not just parents either. A lot of teachers spend most of their time shirking and trying to off-roll children rather than using discipline.

Preferably not assault? Surely we should be hoping no parent assaults their child/ren?

How judgy are you. You don’t know my child at all or me, so I don’t appreciate making comments suggesting there is something wrong with his development due to my parenting. There is nothing wrong with screen time in moderation. I didn’t stick him in front of screens constantly but would do so on flights or the occasional meal out when he started getting restless. As soon as he was a bit older I stopped giving him the iPad in restaurants and his behaviour is perfect now. I find this kind of attitude so over the top.

100% agree! Could not agree more! My daughter forgot her glasses today and despite me telling her repeatedly that they are her responsibility to remember and reminding her that if she forgets them then she will have to do without them (they are the lowest prescription available and should only be worn when reading) she asked in school for me to be called and bring them to her. It has dawned on me that we are teaching zero resilience or independence in our children, they aren’t worried about upsetting us or inconveniencing us at all. I would never have dared ask for my parents to bring something that I forgot to school for me! I would have done without them and never forgot them again. At what age do we expect them to take some responsibility for themselves? Because at this rate I’ll be traipsing up to their work place with stuff they forgot. I think children need to have a healthy ‘fear’ of upsetting their parents. I got so caught up on not being like my Dad that I’ve gone too far the other way. They don’t respect us and they don’t seem to care if we’re upset or angry.

@AlltheHedgehogsontheWall

I don’t agree with hitting, but I was brought up in the era when smacking was acceptable and ADHD was unheard of. If current methods are working, why are exclusion rates at a record high and why is there a SEND crisis?

Ha, I think I might be the opposite of a gentle parent.
My DC is being annoying (me: Jesus, stop being so annoying! Go away if you’re going to behave like that).

My DC does something idiotic (me: idiot child!!! (Said in the voice of Lady WhiteAdder))

My oldest wants to go to college next year to dick about with his mates instead of doing A Levels at a sixth form which he is more than capable of doing. (Me and his dad: nope. Not happening).

I can’t be doing with asking their opinion every five minutes. It won’t change my mind. We are going here. You will enjoy it. If you can’t enjoy it then you will at least pretend to enjoy it so you don’t spoil it for other people.

My DP irritates the hell out of me as he has to consult his DC about everything. Why do they need consulting! They are children!

Example: I think we should book a holiday for us and our 4 DC here. It’s great. I’ve been there before. The beach is very safe. There’s plenty to do. It’s not hugely expensive. Lots of flights to this airport. Easy and fun. The kids will love it.

DP: ok yeah, let me ask the kids what they think.

me: why? They’re getting taken on a holiday. There’s a pool, a beach, a water park…. What’s not to like.?

DP: I know, I’d just like to ask their opinion!

me: why?

DP: so they feel consulted.

me: ok fine. Well let me know when your kids have deigned to accept this lovely holiday we’re paying for which they can enjoy for free. Meanwhile I shall be telling my kids “we’re going here. You’ll love it. Wanna see some photos?”

My parents never once consulted me about a holiday!!!

How old is he now for you to deem that his development is fine ? It's not over till it's over. I stand by my point handing over an IPAD to a sub 3 year old so you can have an uninterrupted restaurant meal is lazy parenting.

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/04/18/what-is-gentle-parenting/
This explains it quite well

And heaven help if the parent of the victim is fed up of the other parent's unwillingness to stop him and tells him to STOP IT! Other parent leaps into action, How very dare you scream at my dear child! As my late husband once told a mummy 'I dare because you are useless and your child is a total brat.'

I agree, the children seem to get given them younger and younger. We know of a family where the two-year-old was given her own and her screen time barely regulated. Now she's started school and the teachers are already telling the parents that she has the attention span of a goldfish.

I was so shocked to see them whipped out at the weddings though. Is nowhere sacred?!

@BustyLaRoux way to be completely judgmental and wrong about college. maybe have a look and see if the course is right for him. A levels aren’t for everyone and you could be making a huge mistake with his future

yes I have seen plenty of information about screen time most people who aren’t living under a rock have. He is doing perfectly well at 5 now after the occasional use of an iPad under 3. I don’t agree with people sticking screens in front of kids constantly but I don’t see a problem with it very occasionally

I read that. It’s meaningless guff.

I find most people unbearable to be around nowadays, tbh.

Kids don't stand out as particularly bad. At least most of them laugh at my jokes.

The problem in schools is that teachers are being harangued by parents if they dare to discipline children these days. God forbid little Timmy goes onto red – fire off an aggressive email!

That’s grand. Your child might have problems for other reasons such as having a judgy rude parent for one thing.

You might not have heard of ADHD, but it existed. I got my diagnosis at 27 after being told I was a naughty child my whole life.

I haven't said current methods are working, I don't think they are.

But hitting doesn't work either.

Yeah Sara Hockwell’s full of shit tbh