To think gentle parenting has made some kids unbearable to be around?

[KindButFirmFox]

Boundaries aren’t oppression.
Sometimes “gentle” just looks like “ineffective”.

AIBU to think balance has been lost between empathy and discipline?

Well, there's this little thing called common sense!

Yes, it's all theoretical. Quite possibly I'd feel differently if I'd actually had them.

But again

you have never done it. You are speculating it would be effective

Mumsnet is for all
parents
non parents

but a child free woman with the dogmatic view you have on smacking as being something that is effective @Horsie - is daft

The issue isn’t “gentle” parenting done ‘properly’
the issue is permissive parenting by people who use being ‘gentle’ as an excuse to not parent or correct their children. Who don’t work with their child to find reasons, to understand and to learn and grow, they just say “spirited” “strong willed” and other utter BS to excuse poor actions and behaviour and absolve themselves of responsibility… Those are the dynamics that yield absolute entitled nightmare children who can’t follow instructions and expect the world to owe them anything they want.

@ridl14 A colleague wrote on some tests of students getting less than 40% something like "you need to revise more" and the students went and filed a written complaint against him.

I honestly don't know when it all got like this. Even my son was at school, his classmates and teachers could always take a joke. For example, once their form director jumped lunch queue and told them they can make a complaint to the form director and then said, "Oh wait, that's me", and everyone just laughed.

Once his classmate, who was of Indian descent, got a detention and complained about it being discriminatory. The teacher laughed it off and said to another classmate of his, "Well, Peter, you get a detention too now for equal opportunity". They all just laughed and didn't think much of it. Nobody complained about anything.

Another time, someone made a racist comment about some boy in their form. The form director made the boys who made the comment and those who laughed at it sit in a classroom, reflect on their comments and behaviour and then write their thoughts in a letter of apology to the boy about whom they made the comment. It turned out to be pretty sweet actually as they clearly genuinely regretted it and their apologies seemed genuine. They all ended up being friends later. Parents didn't even interfere. At all. From either side.

I don't get when the world got so different as all that I am describing wasn't that long ago!

Yes, that's why I replied to you "Yes, it's all theoretical. Quite possibly I'd feel differently if I'd actually had them." Maybe you missed it?

Again, as I wrote to you a few replies ago: Yes, it's all theoretical. Quite possibly I'd feel differently if I'd actually had them.

Bloody he'll. You mean I've got to do all that as well as work full time?

Yes but if you read your posts, you talk very definitively and dogmatically

that smacking IS effective

rather than

I have never smacked a child because I don’t have a child but i think that it could be effective because it worked on me a few decades ago

Yeah basically. So my eldest was a victim of CSA, she is extremely sensitive to criticism, or perceived criticism as well. She also has ADHD and other SEN needs. Everything for her has deep meaning. She has acne and is on new medication and her skin looks great, i told her yesterday that her skin looked great, and she told me she doesnt like it when i say that because in her brain that means her skin looked shit before and therefore sees my conpliment as a critism. Which wasnt what i meant. Its being aware of the underlying emotion and feelings underneath, and that its often these that lead to behaviours. My daughter was under 3years old when the CSA happened, and its messed with her mental health so much. And taken away a lot of her childhood. A few years ago when she was mentally unwell she would text me from her bedroom, to come to her room to pass her the charger at the end of the bed. Or to ask me to bring her a drink. And as first I was a bit pissed off, but I noticed a pattern with these requests. And I eventually realised that this was my daughters way of wanting some extra care, like a bit of babying. So I then spotted the cues around this. And I would then react accordingly and pre-emptively.

Theraputic parenting, with children who have been through trauma, is a healing style of parenting.

I don't think I've been like that. I outlined some very specific circs, in extremis, with lots of caveats.

It's a discussion forum...a place where people share views.

Most people manage to do it in a nice way without being rude.

I was not the person who responded to your post. You may not have liked what they said but there was nothing rude in their response.

If a child was really wilfully naughty, a short sharp smack on the butt can be very effective.

but you have never smacked
so what are you basing this on?
you are speculating but very dogmatically

You literally have no idea because you have never parented. You've no idea how those circumstances come about or work in context. You have no idea full stop

I have an aunt who always asks if I've lost weight and there is a definite undercurrent of 'you need to lose more weight' so I get her feelings on this (even though you obviously don't mean it that way, anyone who says that to me triggers the aunt clause)

Then call it bad parenting not gentle parenting

No, well, perhaps I don't.

Because I remember it being very effective on me! I was a bit naughty.

You disagree however er you've never been a parent.

Those of us who were once not parents and now are know the difference that makes. You don't

Yep see, you were hit and shut right up and now are telling parents they should hit their kids. So I'd say it was very effective... I'm making you pro violent responses to children.

Also, are you a man?

For the fourth time: Yes, it's all theoretical. Quite possibly I'd feel differently if I'd actually had them.

Yes, I'm a big hairy six foot man with huge muscles and a protruding lower jaw!

You're being ridiculous. I have made numerous concessions and caveats on this thread, all of which are ignored, and I'm not going to debate with you any longer. Have a good day.

Yet here you are, splaining to actual parents how you know better how to raise children.

Oh, shut up. It's just an opinion.