‘Just the meat for me please’ Sunday Lunch issue ’

[Mondaytuesdayhappydays]

SIS and BIL coming for Sunday Lunch, bringing DN and her BF- recently engaged.
Got a little gift for them and card etc, my parents were coming any way so invited Sunday for food as makes sense.

SIS has just WhatsApped to say jokingly that the BF -mega gym bunny - ‘doesn’t do potatoes and trimmings- but don’t worry he’ll just pile his plate high with meat’
Im doing a couple chickens and a gammon between us all so plenty for everyone alongside stuffing, veg, Yorkies , gravey, cauliflower cheese etc but definitely not for a huge piled up plate of just meat!

I replied lightheartedly to SIS to this effect and she’s not a happy camper at all.
Just texted to say wants him to feel welcome so will bring him a couple of raw pork chops or similar to fry - I’ve said bring them cooked and sliced already in a Tupperware as I won’t be frying chops with all the carnage of the roast going on and my parents milling about under my feet ‘helping’

Shes voice noting at the moment can see the symbol
honestly am I just old or a shit hostess or is this how guests who barely know their hosts I might add expect to be catered for ???

I mean veggie/vegan all power to you
but a plate piled up of meat for lunch seems a bit full on to me ??

If he's still hungry after lunch, he can get a kebab on the way home. Offer directions to the dodgiest nearest takeaway.

It’s just greed

A good host should always try to cater to their guests’ preferences and requirements.

but good manners shouldn’t be expected only of the host. I think guests have a responsibility to be polite and considerate as well - both towards their hosts and the other guests! That includes showing a bit of restraint.

one person wouldn’t eat five slices of cake while someone else has only just taken their first bite. Why should this be any different?

(also… „health“? Sure. But even paleo/keto includes low carb veggies!)

Is your niece extremely wealthy? She’s going to need to be with their future shopping bills!

You see part of me wants you to go completely the other way now.

Cook 3 chickens all for him pile his plate high and refuse to let him down from the table until every bit is eaten.

Surely if he needs more meat he can eat a whole chicken when he is back at home. Surely this is an eating disorder with a fancy a name

CF indeed.
I would buy a protein shake and give him that instead of extra meat !
Let's hope your niece sees sense and it is short lived!

I'm going to bet that this man's breath is rank.

Three chickens and a gammon, plus potatoes? I'm worried about the oven space!!!

I absolutely get that he shouldn't change his diet for just one meal. That's unreasonable. I bet your sister is making more of it than it is. He can just eat more meat at home later if he likes. I'm cutting carbs and bored with people trying to make me eat things I don't want to or telling me what's healthy. Listening to them is what has made diets fail before.

I think it's rude to comment on what other people choose to eat and equally rude to expect someone to give you a pile of just one element of the meal to suit you. Sounds like he has focus and has already made plans to bring food that suits him.

How incredibly rude, to expect to eat a huge amount of meat at someone else's expense! But I'm not 'Mumsnet Correct', because I'd also be put out if I was expected to cater for a vegetarian or vegan (or any other person with a special diet I wasn't used to cooking for) who was too precious to offer to bring something they could eat or just eat what was on the table that fit their diet, like the rest of us do. Like most people, I don't like/shouldn't eat certain things. I just do the best I can. Unless it's a serious allergy, it's not the end of the world, and if it's that important to you, you need to offer to do something to lighten the burden on your host.

I have had this: friend of dh’s came who was on some protein diet. I had cooked boeuf bourginon (well, beef stew!) and he announced that he’d just take the meat. Cue him picking out all the chunks of beef so he had a large plateful and leaving not a single one! It was really awkward.

Similarly at a tapas thing, one person said, “Oh, I only like these” pulling the beef and chicken towards them. Left everyone else to share the potatoes, peppers and tomatoes…

My xh (note the ex bit!) was/is a gym fanatic and had the weirdest disordered eating - he was either completely on it, or not at all. It made life dull and difficult.... and I've been left with my own disordered eating issues due to it. Your poor DN has no idea what she's getting into!

In your position, I'd get the biggest chickens possible (I doubt he'll eat gammon or chipolatas) and some breast or thighs to roast with them. And then ensure that he's never invited round again!

My ds's would absolutely have a field day too!

OP, this man is going to be your family. Yes, it's a PITA. Yes, he sounds like one of those insanely boring highly restrictive eaters. But that's not the point. The point is that you should accommodate him for your DN. For the sake of family harmony, just get more meat and let him have at it. He's not asking for something complicated, after all - just more of something. We all have to accommodate weird family members sometimes.

Not what you asked but no way I could ever be in a relationship with someone who eats meat only. Or who is sooooo rigid that they will not deviate from their preferred diet even for one meal when someone new is hosting you. What does he think is going to happen if he has a few peas or cauliflower?!

For a laugh you should buy an extra roast chicken (the small ones are what, a fiver in Waitrose?). And put it in its entirety on BILs plate. You can say that his wife told you he wouldn’t eat anything else so you want to ensure he wouldn’t go hungry.

A restaurant would not just give 'more meat and no vegetables' if requested.

"Oh I want the hunters chicken but I don't want the veggies with it, can I have double meat?"

Would be met with a firm "Are you having a fucking laugh? That's not a dietary requirement".

Did you not say anything? That's so rude!

I’d expect it to be met with “Of course, so that’s 2x Hunters Chicken, no veg?”

Yes it sounds like a male eating disorder or ARFID. Most (normal) sporty people on low carb diets will be able to make exceptions for social occasions or out of politeness. That's the whole concept of cheat day. Everyone knows you won't relapse if you eat a few potatoes at Christmas. Food is not the same as alcohol.

If he absolutely refuses to eat anything aside from meat then you need assume it's an ED or he's autistic, and treat it as such. If someone brought along a teenage daughter with anorexia and told you beforehand that she only eats very specific foods then it would be reasonable to accommodate that.

just text back

its not the last meal he's ever going to eat, if he wants more meat perhaps stock him up at breakfast

or cottage cheese.

Exactly. I have a friend who used to compete in body-building, she would come to lunch/dinner parties with a Tupperware of chicken and a protein shake rather than inconvenience the host by demanding something special or extra.

Why?

He's the one who is making ridiculous demands.

Why is it the women in the family who have to capitulate to 'welcome the man in' rather than the man graciously trying to fit in with his new family and not start off from a point of being a wanker?

It's one of those situations which absolutely plays to women's socialisation to be the perfect host and accommodate the male wanker.

No.

Wait, did she say he'll need a whole chicken to himself, or have you decided that's what you'll give him?? Whatever happened to trying to impress your new partner's loved ones by not being weird and demanding?

I'm in the 'it's not the same as GF, vegan, veggie, doesn't like green veg' camp.