‘Just the meat for me please’ Sunday Lunch issue ’

[Mondaytuesdayhappydays]

SIS and BIL coming for Sunday Lunch, bringing DN and her BF- recently engaged.
Got a little gift for them and card etc, my parents were coming any way so invited Sunday for food as makes sense.

SIS has just WhatsApped to say jokingly that the BF -mega gym bunny - ‘doesn’t do potatoes and trimmings- but don’t worry he’ll just pile his plate high with meat’
Im doing a couple chickens and a gammon between us all so plenty for everyone alongside stuffing, veg, Yorkies , gravey, cauliflower cheese etc but definitely not for a huge piled up plate of just meat!

I replied lightheartedly to SIS to this effect and she’s not a happy camper at all.
Just texted to say wants him to feel welcome so will bring him a couple of raw pork chops or similar to fry - I’ve said bring them cooked and sliced already in a Tupperware as I won’t be frying chops with all the carnage of the roast going on and my parents milling about under my feet ‘helping’

Shes voice noting at the moment can see the symbol
honestly am I just old or a shit hostess or is this how guests who barely know their hosts I might add expect to be catered for ???

I mean veggie/vegan all power to you
but a plate piled up of meat for lunch seems a bit full on to me ??

A tray of chicken thighs will likely cost as much as another whole chicken, which is tastier, more versatile etc.

@Mondaytuesdayhappydays i also love sexy veg. I get very excited over it these days. I’ve got the marks Christmas food catalog on my desk and have been looking at it all day. (I don’t eat meat so won’t be piling my plate with it, just a home made mushroom wellington and 76 tonnes of sexy veg)

Chicken thighs are much cheaper, more nutritious and tastier than a whole higher welfare chicken

Really? How interesting! I did actually know someone who got scurvy once but to be fair he probably wasn't eating very good quality meat either. In any case, my 4 year old must not find out, because frankly the threat of scurvy is the only thing making him eat his broccoli. Apparently broccoli 'vaccinations you' because it stops you getting scurvy. I haven't told him all the fruit he eats is actually doing the same job.

Carnivore is a thing at the moment, I've done it in the past but if going to someone's home for lunch would bring my own meat products (ready cooked in foil to be stuck in oven to keep warm) so not to inconvenience anyone.

Yes, this sums it up.

Usually if you have some sort of dietary requirement and were being fed by people you didn't know well, the polite thing to do would be to just accept you'd have a portion of what you could eat - if you were worried about being hungry have a larger breakfast and/or eat again when you go home. Not expect your host to spend a fortune on you. It's one meal/a few hours visit. He's not going to starve if he just has the same amount of meat as everyone else and minimal trimmings.

Gym bunny or not, I can't see how that much meat can be good for anyone! For the sake of not coming across like a complete twat to prospective family members in law you think you'd manage to choke down a few carrots. What a boring life if you can't vary your completely optional diet slightly for one meal!

He can come to mine, I've inherited my mam's habit of preparing enough food to feed a small army no matter how many people come over. If I had 11 coming I'd be doing way more than 2 chickens and a gammon so he'd have loads to choose from 🥴

(This isn't a dig by the way OP, my inability to cook anything less than the whole farm every time I have people over is a vice not a virtue)

Weirdly I think what would annoy me is that he's not contacted you himself. If I'd had a message from a guest directly about something like this being apologetic about it I'd be far more amenable to cooking him his own chicken or whatever. It's the using your sister as a go-between that's annoying me, not the request for meat 🙃

I have to watch BIL like a HAWK otherwise he'll pick the bones clean between finishing lunch and leaving. I don't actually mind him eating as much as he likes, I just hate that once the meal is finished and I'm sort of getting it ready to move into the "left over" pile, I'll come back 2 hours later to discover it's gone. also he picks the bits I save for myself so now those bits i hide as soon as possible!

Although it's clearly a family trait, his son stayed with us for a few weeks a couple of years ago. Big meal. I'd offer seconds or thirds, no problem - everyone has big appetites. then I'd put any leftovers in the fridge for the next day or for the kids lunch or something. I'd come down the next morning and the fridge would be bare... he'd have eaten the lot at midnight! hahaha. I learnt to tell him what he could and could not eat on his midnight fridge raids and bless him, he was really good about it once I made the lines clear "Pete - this leftover mash potato is for me to use for a shepherds pie tomorrow. Dont' eat it. But the leftover chicken is fair game!" !

Eh? I would have said exactly the same if the OP was male, or if the OP said it was her husband doing all the shopping and cooking. This is about good manners and being flexible because you love your family, not about gender roles. I'm sure that OP wants her DN's fiance to feel welcome. She should accommodate him (as she is) for her DN's sake.

Some disagree, and I'd suggest that those posters aren't built to fit into a family structure, and that's OK. For those of us who value our family, getting some extra meat for someone who's marrying in is not a big deal.

Those who value their family don't demand their family makes a whole chicken just for them.

The gluten free person would have more sense and manners then to demand twice as much gluten free food as everyone else. The BF is being provided for. Even a toddler knows that if you don’t want to eat all your vegetables there is a chance you might still feel hungry at the end of the meal. He can get himself a KFC on the way back.

This.

Absolutely this.

I was thinking this. As a guest you mentally note how much there is and take an appropriate fair share. If he’s still hungry he can eat again at home. Seems like a non issue.

Yes indeed! Polar explorers - before Vitamin C was invented - knew that fresh meat would prevent scurvy and tried to catch and eat as much seal meat (and other polar animals such as penguins in the Antarctic) as possible because they were away from fruit/vegetable sources of Vitamin C for so long. Attempts to take bottled lemon juice failed to be effective because the treating of the juice 'killed' its Vitamin C content.

Who cares about versatile when it's one person scoffing the lot.

steamed broccoli and steamed carrots ----no pbm whatsoever

I hope your DN knows what she's getting into. I was married to someone with a multitude of issues (not least being abusive) and he would get really obsessive about things. He glommed on to food and it was a nightmare. Patting his fish with his napkin in a pissed-off manner when out because there was a bit of butter on it, picking out the chunks of meat like someone else said upthread, refusing to eat normal food, coming to Xmas at my parents and saying he would only eat the veg and not to do anything special for him - of course they got him a veggie meal from Marks - and being really granular about what was in the gravy. He also frequently skipped meals, sometimes taking a week off work to fast for seven days. He was ALWAYS either fasting or on some faddy diet, so I just cooked and ate most of my meals alone.

And it took a darker turn, because he tried to put it all on me, too. Became obsessed with my weight. That's a whole story within itself.

The entire thing was absolutely grotesque, and I refuse to date anyone who is not straightforward about food, including vegetarians. After all that, I simply don't want to know. Normal eaters only.

I hope your DN knows what she's doing, marrying someone who might well be prone to disordered eating.

Very interesting! On similar lines, I remember reading decades ago that in the UK potatoes used to be a very significant source of vitamin C simply because people ate so much of them - meat, potatoes and one or two other vegetables being the standard meal for many people. Once Britons started eating alternative carbs like pasta, rice, pizza and so on instead, they'd be getting less vitamin C unless they also started eating more fruit and veg.

I totally disagree. These days, people have a multitude of different food requirements. If you don't want to accommodate, don't host. And it's hardly the Dsis's fault that her future son-in-law is like this.

teamed broccoli and steamed carrots ----no pbm whatsoever
see green beans above not carrots

I was going to say the same thing.

I know someone who puts sugar on carrots.

I don't think it's wrong for the boyfriend to just eat the meat. As long as he doesn't make any rude requests or expect more than his fair share! I don't bother with potatoes, so I just stick to plain veg and meat. I would never expect someone to change what they serve for me.

Gosh, that sounds grim. I'm so glad you got shot of him.

But no one has demanded that OP makes a whole extra chicken just for him.

Just noticed I said "invented" rather than "discovered" about Vitamin C!

Discussion of scurvy, upthread but my first thought was (sorry if lowering the tone) constipation! Is his gut not backed up for a fortnight if he only eats meat and no vegetables? It sounds incredibly unhealthy.
Slightly relieved to see that he’s bringing avocado, but why not just eat the veg provided then? I suppose this is a thread about politeness not healthy diet choices.