To be terrified about telling the boss I’m resigning

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I’ve been in my role for 7 months.
I had to leave my last role which I enjoyed due to contract ending and funding running out.
I was in a hurry to find a new job.
I now work 30 miles away from home. The work is interesting but the commute is a killer. I used to do this sort of journey years ago and it was never this bad.
I spend 2.5 hours a day on the motorway.
Also they asked for flexibility. I work in scientific research (always on -site) and this is required but it’s getting to the point where I regularly get home at 7:30pm or later.
I can’t take time back. Well I can in theory, but work always comes up.
It’s not been plain sailing at work and my supervisor is a bit abrasive (see my thread about her repeatedly asking if I was pregnant!)

I have a DD (7) and I’m regularly bathing her at 8:30pm and trying to do her schoolwork. None of us are getting enough sleep and routine has gone and I’m sure it’s no thanks to my job and long commute.
On top of that I earn under 30k a year.

I recently applied for a new role ; coincidentally something came up in my old place, new funding. It’s permanent. It’s more money. It’s 10 miles away. I’ve been offered the job and accepted verbally. I have a contract I’m about to sign.

I have to tell current post I’m leaving. It won’t go down well. No-one has any idea which I think feels worse , I’m the sort of person who just gets on with things. They do not know I am unhappy.
I have done quite well in this role. Won a prize last week for something and been asked to pick out Christmas party.

This feels like such a mess! I’ve been underhand and used this job as a stop gap and I feel like I’m lying to my colleagues.

What do I do? I have told my team leader who I get on well with.. she has offered to attend a meeting with me to tell the boss. We have scheduled a meeting tomorrow.

What shall I say? I’m terrified of a bad reaction.
I think I need to remove emotion from the situation. AIBU?

You just say what you’ve said here. Enjoy the work, but the commute isn’t working for your family, and they are your priority. End of.

I think resigning is always a bit stressful, but try not to let it overwhelm you. What you've said here are very valid points! You are well with in reason to say something like:

You appreciate the opportunity, you've enjoyed your time and contributions (you've obviously done well!), but you have been struggling with the impact on your personal life and something more convenient has come up.

What are you scared of? Being fired?

I am scared of being dismissed on the spot, or them being harsh with me during the notice period.

You haven’t even signed your contract yet. Don’t say anything until your start date is confirmed. What if funding got pulled again last minute.

Firstly congratulations on your new post. Don’t feel guilty, life is too short to be unhappy and children don’t stay little for long.

I would be open and tell the truth - you like the work but the commute and hours have turned out to be more demanding than you anticipated. Things change and whilst they might be a bit annoyed they will get over it.

Don’t resign until you’ve signed a new contract..

I understand your worries but realistically, there isn't much your current boss can do. If they try and make things awful for your during your notice period then you just go off sick. They might dismiss you on the spot but it's unlikely, if they don't have a replacement. And if they do, would that be so bad? (But yes, agree not to do anything until you have a signed contract elsewhere!)

Remember that they wouldn’t think twice about getting rid of you if the business need changed so you need to think about your own best interests.
If they are arsey about it then that’s not your problem really

You're massively overthinking this! It's a job, you've hated it, you've got a better one, well done, you're leaving. Wait until your contract is signed with the new place though.

You don't need to do anything other than tell them, in writing and then leave at the end of your notice period. If they ask you to go immediately, go! As long as it's with full pay.

How emotional do you think they would be if they were firing you?

You look after Self Interest is what you do. No one else will.

Your employer does not care about you. They may have certain legal obligations toward you, but they are not your friend. They will get rid of you without a second thought when it suits them to do so. Having been made redundant a couple of times through no fault of my own, I learned this the hard way, and it certainly toughens you up.

Do nothing until you have signed your new contract. Then you can resign with a clear conscience. Keep it factual. Don’t apologise, don’t explain more that you need to but don’t deliberately burn bridges either. Remember you owe them nothing.

Dismissed on the spot would be brilliant! Hello 2 months gardening leave

Yes you are massively over thinking this.It sounds like you identify too much with your job.It's just a job, you are allowed to leave, they do not own you.
You are allowed to change your mind, and go somewhere else if it doesn't suit you.Do not feel guilty, if you've performed well it's unlikely they will fire you.
Enjoy getting the new role and examin why you feel so beholden to your employer?

Don't tell them until you e signed the new contract.

I don’t think you should feel guilty at all.

and I don’t think you need to say anything to resign other than : This is my notice to resign on X date. Thank you for the opportunity to work here.

I would also email the resignation and let them ask to speak to you in person if that is what they want to do.

Well, if you're dismissed on the spot they'll have to pay for your notice period whilst you relax at home. Win-win

Seriously, you just say thank you for the opportunity, it's been great working here but I've found a position that suits me better and I'll be leaving on day x, I'm going to start preparing for a handover but please let me know if there is anything in particular you require from me.

It's just a job, you're not bound to them for life, any manager knows that, even if they don't like it.

Ive voted yabu in so far yabu to be giving it a second thought.

You just say the usual nonsense "i love it here - everything is sooo wonderful especially you!!!! but i was headhunted and the role to just TOO good to turn down <sad face>"
I've done this at every job ever...

If he wants to get a cob on let him...

You're being very dramatic about this, people change jobs every day.
Obviously no one is going to fire you on the spot 😐

Sign your new contract first. Then email your notice to your boss.

Look work is a financial transaction. They pay you, you do work. At any time either party can decide it isn't working and use the contractually / legally available mechanism to end the relationship. Trust me they would let you go in a heartbeat if it was financially better for them to do so. Your only responsibility is to give them the contracutal notice and to work that notice to the best of your ability.

If you have never been made redundant then maybe you havent seen this hard truth for what it is yet. You are a number on their spreadsheet. Be polite, resign, work your notice and don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings, this is not that sort of thing.

Also when you say "harsh on your notice period"
Wtf are they actually going to do ... be mean" so what? Boo hoo...

You come in do contracted hours only and take full lunch. Do your work as slowly as you like. They need your good will more than you need theirs....

Why all this angst? This a completely normal situation and one in which you, not your employer, hold all the cards. You don't like your job so you're resigning. That's literally all it is. It happens every day! You're leaving a job, not dumping your kids on the steps of an orphanage.

If they dismissed you on the spot (which they actually won't/can't if you've resigned) they'd still have to pay you for your notice period, so you'd very likely have a month off on full pay.

If they are 'harsh with you' during the notice period... well, who cares, really? It's not like they're going to flog you in the town square. The worst they can do is be a bit arsey with you, which you can very easily ignore when it's only for a few weeks. And as you'll have already resigned, you can simply say no to things they ask you to do that are over and above your working hours or job description. Once you've resigned you've got nothing to lose.

This!

All employers know that there is a risk that employees may leave at some point, for a variety of reasons. Be kind to yourself and just hand your notice in. They have statutory duties to perform in relation to your leaving and can't dismiss you on the spot without paying you your wages and any accrued leave. Good luck in your new job!