To be terrified about telling the boss I’m resigning

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I’ve been in my role for 7 months.
I had to leave my last role which I enjoyed due to contract ending and funding running out.
I was in a hurry to find a new job.
I now work 30 miles away from home. The work is interesting but the commute is a killer. I used to do this sort of journey years ago and it was never this bad.
I spend 2.5 hours a day on the motorway.
Also they asked for flexibility. I work in scientific research (always on -site) and this is required but it’s getting to the point where I regularly get home at 7:30pm or later.
I can’t take time back. Well I can in theory, but work always comes up.
It’s not been plain sailing at work and my supervisor is a bit abrasive (see my thread about her repeatedly asking if I was pregnant!)

I have a DD (7) and I’m regularly bathing her at 8:30pm and trying to do her schoolwork. None of us are getting enough sleep and routine has gone and I’m sure it’s no thanks to my job and long commute.
On top of that I earn under 30k a year.

I recently applied for a new role ; coincidentally something came up in my old place, new funding. It’s permanent. It’s more money. It’s 10 miles away. I’ve been offered the job and accepted verbally. I have a contract I’m about to sign.

I have to tell current post I’m leaving. It won’t go down well. No-one has any idea which I think feels worse , I’m the sort of person who just gets on with things. They do not know I am unhappy.
I have done quite well in this role. Won a prize last week for something and been asked to pick out Christmas party.

This feels like such a mess! I’ve been underhand and used this job as a stop gap and I feel like I’m lying to my colleagues.

What do I do? I have told my team leader who I get on well with.. she has offered to attend a meeting with me to tell the boss. We have scheduled a meeting tomorrow.

What shall I say? I’m terrified of a bad reaction.
I think I need to remove emotion from the situation. AIBU?

If only! I don’t think it will do me any favours though.

Yes I am catastrophizing , no doubt about it!

I have been so worried about breaking the news that I have barely thought that this a great move for me!

Thank you.

1. Sign new contract for new job.
2. Hand in notice at current job once start date at new job is confirmed.

No bridges burned and nobody left in the lurch. Sorted.

I remember being terrified handing my notice in for my first proper job. It was a tiny company start up, he only employed 3 of us and I was convinced he was going to be angry / incredibly disappointed in me and I had so much anxiety about it. As it happened he barely gave a crap, agreed I could leave before my notice time was up and wished me luck

Honestly OP its a job - they arent your friends and if they needed to let you go they would, in a heartbeat

Do make sure you have signed your new contract before handing in notice tho

OP is terrified of telling a random she has known for 7 months that she’s leaving (screw that manager and company) and sounds like the manager bullied and discriminated against her by overstepping the mark asking pregnancy questions (how is that even ok). That sounds pretty stressed to me.

Oh and I’m a manager. Wouldn’t dream of overstepping the mark like that. That’s bullying and discrimination and I’d probably get the sack
if that came to light.

It’s a job, your life is more important.

I’m really not understanding the angst. Sign new contract.
You just say to line manager you’ve secured a new role much closer to home. Check contract for how much notice to give and say you intend your last day to be x date. Follow up in writing.
Work notice. Leave.
People move jobs all the time and for all sorts of reasons. You haven’t done anything wrong.
Maybe look at getting some support with your confidence (my workplace runs all sorts of courses) or find a mentor or similar.

I think you’re overthinking this too.

Why did someone offer to sit in with you during the meeting tomorrow? That audience would put more pressure on me to be honest, almost as if it may be a 2 v 1 scenario if your boss does take it badly. I think I’d rather just have a 1-1 chat where I tell the boss some lies about how wonderful my time has been but I am handing in my notice etc as to not offend them. I don’t think having a witness there would really help matters given you’re leaving anyway.

Do you really think so?

The mentor asked me if I would like her at the meeting and I said yes. She’s a good speaker /colleague of my boss and gets on well with them so I was hoping it would help in terms of organising a hand over and going forward.

I don’t want it to look bad or like it’s 2 vs 1 😬

Oh, if you’re sorting a handover together then that’s different. I thought she was just attending to witness the discussion and try to deter heated comments. Arranging a handover makes sense.

Dont. Say. Anything. Until you have your contract.

This. No need to be so worried, you've done the work, they've paid you, but it just doesn't suit.

Thanks all, I have the contract by email and I’m going to sign before my meeting tomorrow.

Just to agree with all the good advice youv'e had on here already.

I think it's perfectly okay to acknowledge that this isn't ideal from their perspective but that you have to prioritise your family and career and this new role really does just work better after what has been, logistically, a tough few months for you.

Just email them and say it , that’s what I did and all in writing then as well.

Just remember not to burn your bridges just in case the new contract falls through... (I've had that happen!).

Just be honest with your boss, tell him you LOVE your job at the company, but the commute is getting exhausting and it is having a huge impact on your child, so with regret you are handing your notice in as you have accepted a job much closer to home.

You don’t really need to give a reason. Just say an amazing opportunity came up that was unexpected but too good to refuse and you wish them all well

You need to do what is best for you and your family. End of. So why feel guilty? When you took on that role you had no idea a job was going to open up in your old company.

Dont resign til your new contract is signed.

So what if they immediately dismiss you? You already resigned. Its unlkely you need a reference for your new role as you worked there before. Loyalty to employers in a capitalist society is largely misplaced, They would shed an employee in a heartbeat if their business needs changed.

You’re being unreasonable for giving this much of a shit about a job you’ve been in for less time than I’ve owned several jars of chutney, which has negatively impacted your home life that much.

This^^

one thing I learned in a 30 year career. Business is never really personal.

you owe them nothing. What you owe is yourself some sanity. Get the new contract signed then give notice. Keep it neutral you don’t have to tell them why if you don’t want to- literally sorry it’s not working out for me.

If it was me I would also put a report to HR about the supervisor asking about pregnancy and say you didn’t appreciate that either. The comments were discriminatory and inappropriate and you hope that no one else has to be made to feel awkward with that.

then go for your new role and enjoy your life.

your current time sounds DIRE. Feel glad you no longer have to suffer that dreadful misery and commute. It’s insane especially for below average pay.

From someone who did exactly this last Friday, I felt really bad. But my new job is a 5 minute walk round the corner from my house instead of a half hour drive at 12 at night. Made even worse by the fact Im the 4th person to hand their notice in, in 2 weeks. But me and my family come first. And it's for the same amount of hours and money. But I'll be saving in the long run on fuel cost, car repairs etc etc. You need to do what's right for you. At the end of the day we are all just a number.

Look at it this way. If they wanted you gone you’d get the pink slip and off you’d go, there is very little (any?) corporate loyalty any more. Just make it short and sweet, you’ve enjoyed your time there (even if you didn’t) but you didn’t realize the commute would be so hard.

Get a grip OP. You're all adults and it's just business. If you died tomorrow they would just replace you anyway. There's more to life than just work, but it does take up a significant portion of it and it's important to be happy.

Organisations rarely give two hoots if they need to thin out staff. Resign. Nice letter. Work your notice and focus on your daughter and new job.