To be terrified about telling the boss I’m resigning

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I’ve been in my role for 7 months.
I had to leave my last role which I enjoyed due to contract ending and funding running out.
I was in a hurry to find a new job.
I now work 30 miles away from home. The work is interesting but the commute is a killer. I used to do this sort of journey years ago and it was never this bad.
I spend 2.5 hours a day on the motorway.
Also they asked for flexibility. I work in scientific research (always on -site) and this is required but it’s getting to the point where I regularly get home at 7:30pm or later.
I can’t take time back. Well I can in theory, but work always comes up.
It’s not been plain sailing at work and my supervisor is a bit abrasive (see my thread about her repeatedly asking if I was pregnant!)

I have a DD (7) and I’m regularly bathing her at 8:30pm and trying to do her schoolwork. None of us are getting enough sleep and routine has gone and I’m sure it’s no thanks to my job and long commute.
On top of that I earn under 30k a year.

I recently applied for a new role ; coincidentally something came up in my old place, new funding. It’s permanent. It’s more money. It’s 10 miles away. I’ve been offered the job and accepted verbally. I have a contract I’m about to sign.

I have to tell current post I’m leaving. It won’t go down well. No-one has any idea which I think feels worse , I’m the sort of person who just gets on with things. They do not know I am unhappy.
I have done quite well in this role. Won a prize last week for something and been asked to pick out Christmas party.

This feels like such a mess! I’ve been underhand and used this job as a stop gap and I feel like I’m lying to my colleagues.

What do I do? I have told my team leader who I get on well with.. she has offered to attend a meeting with me to tell the boss. We have scheduled a meeting tomorrow.

What shall I say? I’m terrified of a bad reaction.
I think I need to remove emotion from the situation. AIBU?

“Thank you for the opportunities you’ve provided me, it’s a great place to work. But my family need to see more of me and with the cost of living, I need a higher salary. I’ve found something closer to home so unfortunately here’s my resignation, I’ll be leaving on XX/XX/XXXX. Thank you again and I wish everybody the best for the future.”

It’s awkward but everyone has to resign at some stage. You owe your family more than your employer.

You don't owe them anything. You do work for them, they pay you in return. That's it, that's the extent of the social contract. You don't owe them for choosing to give you a job, they did that because it served their interests, not yours.

Just go in tomorrow, explain you're resigning and why. Don't say you used them as a stop gap, because you didn't. You had no idea the job wouldn't be a good fit when you took it.

They're not going to fire you on the spot, they have to pay your notice period even if they decide to put you on gardening leave. Yeah, they might be dicks about it while you work your notice period, but who cares? You'll never have to see these people again soon, their opinions of you are unimportant, let any comments roll off you like water off a ducks back.

If they dismiss you instantly or are harsh to you during your notice then they are rude and unprofessional. You didn’t sign your contract in blood. People are allowed to leave their job. If they needed to get rid of you, they’d do it in a heartbeat.

There is no need to be terrified.

Underhand? What? You've just described the process everyone goes through when they get a new job.

All her being a dick should do.is reassure you you've made the right decision.

Just take everything on the chin knowing you'll be out of there soon.

These dark fears are just that, fear. Leave , cry if you wish or shake a bit, get nervous, whatever, but leave. OK

Don’t resign until you’ve signed the contract.
i recently resigned after a few years, various reasons, I waited until a busy period had ended and then handed my notice in. A couple of colleagues knew but my manager was v surprised. No-one else has applied yet which I’m not surprised about!
Placrs won’t have qualms about getting rid and it should work the other way too. Good luck!!

Definitely get your new contract signed and a start date fixed first.
Then just tell the truth - the commute and pay are not sustainable for you anymore. It's not personal.

You sound very conscientious and uncomplaining. You'd be a credit to any company. However, no one is irreplaceable and they will have forgotten about you a week after you leave so don't worry about resigning.
Good luck in your new job!

Exactly this. For less than £30k it is absolutely not worth making family life so difficult

It's a no brainer OP. They have no issue with taking the piss and paying you not that much while expecting you to work late every day - so why would you care so much what they think? You've got a better, closer job, you should be celebrating!

Most bosses have no idea people are going to resign because it's generally not in your interest for your boss to know you want out. Nothing about this is a big deal and if your boss makes out it is then it's just them continuing to be odd. Tell them the commute isn't working for you and get out of there OP!

2.5 hours to do 30 miles oh my goodness

Resigning sucks but they'd sack you in a heartbeat if the boot was other foot. It's a business. People leave. Just resign and get it over with.

It’s a contract, resign as per the terms and congrats on the new role sounds much better.

As an aside which adult has care of your dc while you are commuting home? They need to not be waiting for you to get home for her essentials to be covered, as well as feeding and keeping safe she has educational needs and bedtime routine which could happen without you. Just exhausting for you to come home to undone basic care.

Tell the truth about the commute and how it’s affecting your daughter. Can’t go wrong doing that. Good luck with your new job

Your current job employers are asking you to work for free all under the guise of flexibility. You owe them nothing and it really doesn’t matter what their reaction is as you are leaving. Keep it polite but to the point that you are resigning.

If they dismiss you on the spot they have to pay you your notice. So you'll have a wonderful time being paid and not working

If they cause any issues for you whilst you work your notice period, go on the sick

It's no biggie at all

You tell them EXACTLY what u just said as there’s nothing wrong with it. You’re unhappy, it doesn’t suit your lifestyle and especially about your daughter. We only get one shot a life! Do what’s right for YOU xx

You’ve got to do what’s best for you and your family. It doesn’t matter if they are cross.

Thank you all so much for the replies and helpful advice. It’s really helped me put things in perspective and given me things to say in the meeting tomorrow.
I appreciate it!

It’s as simple and true as that.. can’t argue with it at all 😊

Do you think maybe you're catastrophising a bit?

Look, it could be awkward, but you're in a great position - you have another job lined up, you know you will be happy there and it removes the long commute.

Things are looking up - stop ruining a good thing for yourself.

Just tell boss you've been head hunted and the perks are such that you can't turn them down. Say it's a good career move and you are very lucky to have been offered it. Be regretful that it means moving on quickly but push the narrative of money and perks you can't refuse and thank her profusely for her support while you've been there.

If she's arsey or rude to you during your remaining period, WHO CARES? You don't need a reference and you'll be out of there soon. If they dismiss you, great. A few weeks off with pay!

Tear off the paster, OP!

I'm sure you'll be fine.

Resign and then go on sick leave for stress.

IF she is actually stressed and can get a Doctor to agree to it.
Doesn't sound like it