To be terrified about telling the boss I’m resigning

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I’ve been in my role for 7 months.
I had to leave my last role which I enjoyed due to contract ending and funding running out.
I was in a hurry to find a new job.
I now work 30 miles away from home. The work is interesting but the commute is a killer. I used to do this sort of journey years ago and it was never this bad.
I spend 2.5 hours a day on the motorway.
Also they asked for flexibility. I work in scientific research (always on -site) and this is required but it’s getting to the point where I regularly get home at 7:30pm or later.
I can’t take time back. Well I can in theory, but work always comes up.
It’s not been plain sailing at work and my supervisor is a bit abrasive (see my thread about her repeatedly asking if I was pregnant!)

I have a DD (7) and I’m regularly bathing her at 8:30pm and trying to do her schoolwork. None of us are getting enough sleep and routine has gone and I’m sure it’s no thanks to my job and long commute.
On top of that I earn under 30k a year.

I recently applied for a new role ; coincidentally something came up in my old place, new funding. It’s permanent. It’s more money. It’s 10 miles away. I’ve been offered the job and accepted verbally. I have a contract I’m about to sign.

I have to tell current post I’m leaving. It won’t go down well. No-one has any idea which I think feels worse , I’m the sort of person who just gets on with things. They do not know I am unhappy.
I have done quite well in this role. Won a prize last week for something and been asked to pick out Christmas party.

This feels like such a mess! I’ve been underhand and used this job as a stop gap and I feel like I’m lying to my colleagues.

What do I do? I have told my team leader who I get on well with.. she has offered to attend a meeting with me to tell the boss. We have scheduled a meeting tomorrow.

What shall I say? I’m terrified of a bad reaction.
I think I need to remove emotion from the situation. AIBU?

Don't feel guilty- it's a no-brainer the other job is 10 miles away, just explain that- they may offer you more money, personally I would still take the other job.

They do not know I am unhappy.

The manager is abrasive, you spend 2.5 hours a day on the motorway and they ask you for flexibility but dont return the favour. All for <£30k

They do know you're unhappy, but they dont care.

No wonder they are disappointed!

Go for it.
Your current role isn't sustainable and it's incompatible with your home life. The commute alone is horrendous, so you're getting your life back by taking the role.

They didn’t ask me about another job and I didn’t volunteer the information (maybe I should have).

No counter offer was made either.

They are all pathetic.

If they are all responding and giving you silent treatment, spend less energy (in the form of caring) what they think.

I think it's fine, your reasons for the role not fitting your work/life balance are fine. I don't think they can have any issues as long as you work notice period.

You don’t owe an employer a life long commitment. People come and go from jobs all the time, even when long standing staff leave and it feels like the end of the world, things carry on as normal. I wouldn’t give it too much thought, if it works for you, move on. They’ll be a distance memory to you soon enough and same with you to them.

Congratulations on the new job which you know suits better location wise.

I wouldn't have expected a counteroffer from your current boss - the main reason you've given is the commute, which they can't change. If they wanted to keep you in a business of any size, budgets and management structures usually mean they wouldn't have the autonomy to make an offer there and then, and if they do, personally, that's an incentive to leave as if their money was available, why didn't they offer it previously? Also, no need to tell them where you're going.

See your notice out, don't fuss about doing all the unpaid overtime and enjoy the new role.

Its just a job op...you don't owe them your entire life. Your DD and you are your main priority. This is part and parcel of being an employer... sometimes people leave.

If you working there didn’t suit them anymore, they’d get shot of you in a heartbeat. Try and adopt the sane mindset. It’s business, not personal

But, in theory, you won’t see them again. So who cares if they aren’t very nice?

You already have a new job so you don't need a reference- if they try and load you up in your notice period, just don't do the work- what can they do?

Resign via email. Maybe on a Friday. Just say the new job is better pay or something if you want - but you don't have to give a reason at all. If there's any bullying, tell them you're happy to work your notice period, but if you're mistreated, you can also wait it out at home. You've done nothing wrong.