To be terrified about telling the boss I’m resigning

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I’ve been in my role for 7 months.
I had to leave my last role which I enjoyed due to contract ending and funding running out.
I was in a hurry to find a new job.
I now work 30 miles away from home. The work is interesting but the commute is a killer. I used to do this sort of journey years ago and it was never this bad.
I spend 2.5 hours a day on the motorway.
Also they asked for flexibility. I work in scientific research (always on -site) and this is required but it’s getting to the point where I regularly get home at 7:30pm or later.
I can’t take time back. Well I can in theory, but work always comes up.
It’s not been plain sailing at work and my supervisor is a bit abrasive (see my thread about her repeatedly asking if I was pregnant!)

I have a DD (7) and I’m regularly bathing her at 8:30pm and trying to do her schoolwork. None of us are getting enough sleep and routine has gone and I’m sure it’s no thanks to my job and long commute.
On top of that I earn under 30k a year.

I recently applied for a new role ; coincidentally something came up in my old place, new funding. It’s permanent. It’s more money. It’s 10 miles away. I’ve been offered the job and accepted verbally. I have a contract I’m about to sign.

I have to tell current post I’m leaving. It won’t go down well. No-one has any idea which I think feels worse , I’m the sort of person who just gets on with things. They do not know I am unhappy.
I have done quite well in this role. Won a prize last week for something and been asked to pick out Christmas party.

This feels like such a mess! I’ve been underhand and used this job as a stop gap and I feel like I’m lying to my colleagues.

What do I do? I have told my team leader who I get on well with.. she has offered to attend a meeting with me to tell the boss. We have scheduled a meeting tomorrow.

What shall I say? I’m terrified of a bad reaction.
I think I need to remove emotion from the situation. AIBU?

If they want you gone then they need to pay your notice period. Just crack on, explain commute is too much. TBH commute will only get worse over winter!

Have you accrued leave?

You have done nothing wrong. Nothing underhanded and you have nothing to worry about. The fact you're this worried confirms it is the wrong place to work, and that's without the long list of perfectly acceptable reasons!

You do nothing until you have the offer in writing and better still, a signed contract.

You then write a short polite letter and email it to line manager/team leader. They are not owed an explanation. People leave/change roles all the time and they wouldn't blink twice at making you redundant if they had to. If they push, tell them you've found a role closer to home. Do not list your complaints. Bad as it was, you never burn bridges.

Dear Team Leader
i am writing to inform you of my resignation. My notice period is X. My final day is X.

I have enjoyed working with the team here and thank you for your support.

Yours Sincerely

Thank you for all the replies.

I had the meeting today with the PI and supervisor and told them.
PI took it well. Supervisor didn’t, bit frosty.

I think I will be ignored for a few weeks. But, it’s nothing I can’t deal with.

I’m so relieved it’s out in the open. I was so shakey beforehand and had a pounding headache. I have definitely made the right decision x

Well done OP! The hard part is over, ride out your notice and congrats on your new job!!

They can't dismiss you on the spot, they can be d*cks to you in their tone and attitude, but that is their problem not yours - ignore it. Ultimately people leave, sometimes after a short while. Do wait until you've signed a contract and had all the paperwork, but then politely and calmly explain you've been offered a role you can't refuse due to the location, finances and perm contract. Thank them for your time there, say (lie) that you've enjoyed it but this is an offer that's too good to be true, commit to doing a professional handover and don't apologise because you've done nothing wrong - this is a classic "let them" situation. You've done nothing wrong, your boss being annoyed at having
to replace you is absolutely not your problem. They have the right to be frustrated at the situation, they do not have the right to be horrid to you, and if they are it is completely not your fault or reflective of you - it's all on them, because this is a normal work situation and they should remain professional and civil, if they don't, they're at fault.
It really saddens me so many people get so stressed about "upsetting" a random boss/acquaintance/school parent/parents in law by doing totally normal, completely reasonable things. We are not responsible for ensuring everyone, everywhere is happy and nobody should sacrifice their own reasonable happiness or personal choices because it might not be ideal for someone else. You know this is totally reasonable and it's why people have notice periods - don't give it a second thought or allow it to cloud your excitement for the new job!!

Well done Op.
Just keep your head down, finish off what you can/do handover notes and use any holiday leave.

Well, no one spoke to me after the meeting for the rest of the day.

I think they are going to ignore me.

Feel like I handled it badly. Feel rubbish really!

OP please try not to worry - I promise you that in a few weeks/months time, this will not feel like such a big deal. It sounds to me like you're slightly into fight or flight mode, and doing a bit of catastrophising. I very much recognise that, and when you come out of it and recognise it, it's very surreal. You've made a sensible decision and you're taking the right steps to move things forward 👍 the only way out is through!

You’re on a really low wage for a researcher! Glad you’ve found d a better job - I’ve always worked in research and it’s not ideal with FTC etc

They ignored you for the rest of the day? It's not the bloody playground, that's so pathetic and unprofessional! OP well done for securing a new job that is closer to home and will work better for you. No job is ever worth your health, happiness or losing sleep over! This time with your DD is precious too. They grow up all too fast and you'll never get it back. You're doing the right thing.

They're being unprofessional, not you. Spend your notice period being obnoxiously chirpy and chatty.

Totally fine OP. People leave jobs all the time and it always feels sudden to everyone but you've got to do what is best for you. Just send a carefully worded email and make clear you'll make the handover as smooth as poss

Always put yourself and your family first, your employer would get rid of you without a second thought if they need to.

Just be factual, great job but the commute isn’t working for you.

You haven't done anything wrong at all, but I always feel guilty handing my notice in, so I know how you feel.

You have to put yourself first though. The business would have no qualms about making people redundant or restructuring if they needed to, its not personal, its just life.

Congratulations on the new job!

I don’t know if I’ve got the balls to do that!

It may just be raw and I need to let the dust settle.

A big part of me doesn’t want to go back next week!
but that’s the cowards way out and I’ve never done anything like it 🙈

Honestly don’t worry op. It shouldn’t come as a great shock to them.

I remember starting a call centre roll where loads of people left after a really short time giving the reason that finishing at 8pm meant they hardly saw their families. Employers should be hsed to this stuff. Please don’t worry about it.

Just carry on as normal and pretend that you haven't noticed at all. Don't give them any satisfaction for being twats.

Or do annoying things like humming happily to yourself while you think of your great new job!

I was in a similarish situation not long ago, when I told my boss they were professional about it. Try not to overthink, it may not be that bad. Just keep it brief and say thank you for the opportunity, but a job has come up that better suits your lifestyle. Even if it goes badly, your leaving anyway!

Don't do this! Bad advice.

You've done your part now OP, carry on getting on woth things and acting normal.

I genuinely don’t understand why you care about this.

My partner said the same. He has worked from home for years.

I can’t do my job from home and have to face people. It’s different when you are being ignored in person rather than virtually.

I know I shouldn’t care but I still have 6 weeks of having to go to work.

@mrlistersgelfbride
Imagine (being apocalyptic here) that you fell off a cliff/were struck by lightning/abducted by aliens. They'd have to find a way of continuing without you, and they would. Within weeks, you'd barely be remembered. My sister tied herself in knots to continue working (because she felt the pull of loyalty to her company) when she was suffering with the disease that killed her. You have to look after your own wellbeing (and your family's, of course). If you don't, who will?
I'm happy for you that you've handed in your notice. Enjoy your time, knowing that soon it will be finished, and that dreadful commute will be at an end. Lots of best wishes and hope the new job is a delight. 💐

Your daughter is your priority, and yourself!
It's always nice to leave on a high and friendly note, but you don't owe your employer anything

It’s got nothing to do with working from home. You found a new job and quit. This is perfectly normal. Millions of people do it every day. It’s not something you need to ‘face people’ about!

If a few colleagues are frosty for a few weeks, then so what? The fact that you’ve been panicking about this and the language you’ve used in your posts is really baffling me. Have you never left a job before? Surely you know that this is all VERY standard?

If they want to act like nob heads that's on them.

Start planning for the new job and let them get on with it.x.

Onwards and upwards!!