AIBU to not let Y7 DD walk home in the dark?

[Floorfeelslikelava]

DD has over the last 6 months started walking home from school (with friends). She’s sensible and whilst it’s light, I’m comfortable that this is a perfectly age-appropriate thing to do.

Now that the clocks have gone back, however, I am reluctant to let her walk home in the dark. She usually finishes school clubs at 5.30. Whilst it’s only actually about ten minutes’ walk, it’s down a very dark, quiet side street and there are stretches which are pretty much pitch black. Her friends are still doing it, and DH thinks it’s fine, but I feel very uncomfortable about the idea. I was attacked in my 20s so I’m not sure whether my view is unreasonable. Would you be letting your Y7 DD walk home in the dark under these circumstances?

How do parents of kids that manage manage to be around to collect them constantly though? Does no one have to be at work?

It's 10 mins on a route she knows well at 5.30 in the evening.

She will be fine! For goodness sake the amount of babying is crazy. She is 11 or 12 not 6.

And do not make her wear a head torch or a fluorescent jacket unless you want her bullied too. A reflective bag charm or patch for her coat is plenty.

I’m able to work flexibly from 8:30-4:30 so I drop DD off in the morning around 8 and pick her up on my way home at 5 (she stays in after school clubs).
Our finance and accounting dept mostly have primary age kids, so they all use breakfast clubs and after school club, and work 8-4pm.
it’s not unusual to have a flexible schedule like that, where you have to be in the office for “core hours” eg between 10 and 4, but can shift your day earlier or later around that depending on childcare/school hours. Obviously not everyone can do that, but lots of people in office jobs are able to.

My son has been waking home in the dark..including later than this..since year yr6

People.need to evaluate actual risk not just unfounded fear of it being dark.

Most parents can't though. Not everyone is an office worker you know. Shop workers, nurses, care workers certainly can't Not even all office workers are allowed to bugger off early. Imagine being in a call centre and everyone leaves to walk secondary school aged kids home

After school clubs are not compulsory at secondary. A child that doesn't want to attend us free to just leave the school premises

And what about kids who are so the school bus that get dropped off 10 mins from home. Or parents that have a toddler to collect from nursery at the same time?

Just because you may be one of tge privileged few,,,,

Oh please. Year &? Of course they can walk home in the dark. My DC had walks, tube and bus in yr 7 and on their own. They used to walk home on their own from Primary school aged 9 and 6.

You asked why some parents can: I gave you an answer. It’s also nothing to do with being “privileged”: many jobs are flexible around school hours, and not all of them are “privileged” (eg cleaner, childminder, part time workers etc): in fact, in my organisation it tends to be the less well paid workers who are able to work more flexible hours around school times. The more senior you are the less you tend to be able to do it.

It’s 3:30 not 11pm. Give her some breathing space to grow up.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't even contemplate letting her. I wouldn't walk it myself and wouldn't let DS16 either.

Privilidge in having the flexibility.

You wouldn’t walk yourself at 5.30? Your 16 year old could be leaving home very soon and will need to learn how to manage themselves. What if they go to university and it’s dark when they finish for the day- they might want to walk home, to the pub or a club. It’ll be madness if that’s the first time they’ve walked anywhere in the dark.

@Financeisfun you wouldn't walk 10 mins at 530pm? Are you ok that seems incredibly overly anxious.

My ds at 16 ( well from 11 really) often had a walk to tge station, get a train including a change , and walk from station the other end. I'd think he'd have died of embarrassment if I'd been outside school waiting for him. Mind you he often was waylaid to the football upfield with his mates first

I'm thinking of my local area when I answered the question. I live rurally and have no paths or streetlights and are surrounded by woods and fields so no I wouldn't walk on my own in the dark.

where on earth do you live that it's THIS dangerous that the criminals all come roaring out the moment the sun goes down?!

This mindset is so confusing to me. It's so irrational. Assess risk, absolutely. But look at what the real risks are.

But then, this is probably the source of my single biggest frustration with my in laws (and some challenges in my early relationship with DH) - as a family, their risk assesment skills are non existent.

@Financeisfun I have lived rurally, I have lived in big "dangerous" city centres and I have lived in the suburbs. There is no world that I wouldn't walk 10 minutes in any of those locations at 5:30pm

It was 8.30 in the morning along a busy road when the little lad from my kids school got mugged at knifepoint on Monday

That's fine. I just gave my opinion like everyone else has on this thread.

@K0OLA1D by that logic no one should walk anywhere ever.

With friends it's fine. Alone - it depends on the area (not whether its naice or not but how busy it is - lots of pedestrians in a busy place is fine, lots of houses and the odd car but nobody about is not ideal).

I'd let her walk with friends, but if she's going to be alone because friends are off sick/ not doing the club or whatever let her call you/ her dad to meet her and walk with her or pick her up if easier.

In the year ending March 2024 there were two under 16s killed by strangers in England and Wales.

DCs walked home from year 6 (although only from the summer term so it wasn't dark and they didn't stay as late as 5.30pm). But the darkness has never bothered me as it gets dark at 4pm and that doesn't feel late or inappropriate for dcs to be out alone. I was certainly walking home alone for a mile after school and had no friends to walk with, and never experienced anything problematic.
It's unheard of for parents to be doing pickups at secondary age around here, partly because we're in inner London and the streets are well-lit and extremely busy, the public transport means dcs don't need lifts, but mainly because parents are too busy working to facilitate it.

Have you a link to these stats?

This is about the danger of being run over.

There are some areas where walking in the dark is incredibly dangerous - because of cars, not predators/ crime. Where my parents live a lot of the roads outside/ between the villages are narrow, winding and lined with hedges so there's nowhere to get out of the way - that is really dangerous in the dark as visibility is terrible due to the hedges, people who know the roads drive them too fast and don't expect pedestrians - indeed a young man from my parents' village was killed walking back from work when I was a child.

It really depends where you live.

I was mugged in the suburbs at about 5pm walking to Sainsbury's! Lived in a dodgy area of London on my own for several years before that and never had an issue getting home from the night bus at 2am! Lots of people about on foot makes things safer.

Christ almighty.

I'm glad I don't live where you do.

How rough is it?