AIBU to not let Y7 DD walk home in the dark?

[Floorfeelslikelava]

DD has over the last 6 months started walking home from school (with friends). She’s sensible and whilst it’s light, I’m comfortable that this is a perfectly age-appropriate thing to do.

Now that the clocks have gone back, however, I am reluctant to let her walk home in the dark. She usually finishes school clubs at 5.30. Whilst it’s only actually about ten minutes’ walk, it’s down a very dark, quiet side street and there are stretches which are pretty much pitch black. Her friends are still doing it, and DH thinks it’s fine, but I feel very uncomfortable about the idea. I was attacked in my 20s so I’m not sure whether my view is unreasonable. Would you be letting your Y7 DD walk home in the dark under these circumstances?

She's probably at a higher risk of harm getting into a car with you, so I'd let her. They need to start learning risk assessment at that age.

In a group at 5.30, no problem. On her own or after dinnertime, possibly not.

When DD was that age, her friend sometimes came to us after school, and then had a 10 minute walk back home at that sort of time. I think the first winter I saw her back if it was dark, then the next year she would either text her brother before she left ours, so he knew to expect her, or my DD would walk with her and then come back on her own, so I knew when to expect her back.

However everyone's area is different, so you have to do your own risk assessment; DD's routes were all well-populated, and I made sure she knew which houses had people we knew in (who were likely to be in), and also said that if she was worried about anyone on the street, and wasn't near any of those, that she should knock on any other door where people seemed to be in and ask them to call me. (The chance of happening to knock on a paedophile's door is miniscule!)

Last week I'd say you were being unreasonable.

But a 12yo boy at my boys school was mugged at knifepoint for his phone at 8.30 AM on Monday. My boys are now back to walking to and from school together and I would be reluctant to let them anywhere on their own in the dark

This.

An 11yo girl on her own on a dark street or footpath is an open invitation, especially if she takes the same route, same time every day.

I'd collect. What does your dd want you to do?

Exactly! Otherwise that generation will be saying they can't come into work in the Winter because it's not safe to walk back from the station at 18.00!!

How many children have been abducted and murdered by strangers in the UK in the last 10 years?

'Some time' doesn't have to mean all the time. She clearly walks home with her friends, the question is about walking home in these specific circumstances and it's absolutely not necessarily to dance around the edges of responsibility.

They get attacked in daylight also

Why would you write year 7 and not the childs age??

Can she walk a different way that is lit rather than a side street?

Usually to signify its Secondary School not Primary School.

And in school, at home, in the park...

I’m an adult woman & I don’t walk home alone in the dark if my route takes me down a deserted town/city/suburb street with pools of blackness as described. (I will do it in my village, but that’s a bit different.) Baffled by all these people who think this is ‘babying’.

For me it’s not about being abducted (surely pretty non existent risk), but about the risk of being mugged &/or having some weird man walk along with me causing alarm. Both of these things have happened to me - phone taken once, handbag another time, weirdo repeatedly meeting me on my walk - so why take the risk?

Even if she’s walking with friends, there will come a point at which one of them is alone- unless they’re all going into the same house, which presumably is not the case.

Lots of Year 7 girls and boys have been abducted and murdered? In this country? Over what time period? What are we talking about here?

Its different if you have a car you can use though.

When DS was in year 7, we didn't let him walk home in the dark alone in the beginning. With friends, fine. And then over time that shifted. He got home at 5:30 yesterday after sport and I hadn't thought twice about being okay with it - he's year 10 now.

The thing I had to get my head around is that 5:30 and dark is actally quite different to 10:d0 and dark in ters of who is around, what is happening etc. My main concern in year 7 was more him being unaware and unalert and falling and hurting himself or doing something like rossing the road and not realising a car might not see him.

The chance of happening to knock on a paedophile's door is miniscule

what are the chances of knocking on the door of a Mumsnetter who never answers her door?

I walked home from secondary school at that age. 20 minute walk, a bus, and another 10 minute walk home. It was fine.

Of course it's fine, get het a torch and teach her self defence. She's not more vulnerable just because of her age. You going to keep her in during hours of darkness forever?

Is 5:30pm in the dark any less safe than 5:30pm in the light? (Assuming here, she's walking on pavements and could carry a torch.) I don't think it's the case that predators see the sun go down and think, oh, now's my moment. If she was walking home at 10pm, that might be different.

She's also with friends, which massively reduces any risk. Also, if she's walking home from a secondary school, presumably you live in an area with adequate street lighting because it's going to be relatively built up.

I walked back in the dark from year 7 because the bus dropped me at the bus stop after dark, and I walked alone because I was only person getting off at my stop. Sections of the road had no street lights/houses. I don't think this was ever unsafe.

Sure I would. I walked to and from school from the age of 6 (Europe), not year 6, but when I was 6 years old. And so did all my friends. Kids still walk to and fro school from the day they start, they come with a parent on the very first day and alone/with friends from then on.

There were no child street snatchings in my country afaik, except for one. Happened about 2 years ago, sadly. In the morning, in the daylight. The girl was snatched from the bus stop, she was 10 years old I think. She was found by police later on, alive, thankfully. But obviously it was horrible for her and her family. The perpetrator was just sentenced and jailed.

However, you can't live your life in fear like that.

This is a difficult one, as we live on a normal suburban street with normal street lighting.
Though that said there are some roads around with lots of trees that make things seem darker.
I would defintely teach some situation awareness, as in don't wear headphones, etc, but this has to be managed without causing unnecessary alarm.
I think it also depends on your child, the nature of the roads, who else from school would be walking that way, and whether you both feel comfortable with it.
Maybe start with pickups, and see how it progresses.

It would be a no from me unless I had certainty from the other parents that they are all walking home together, would update if child is not attending so you can make arrangements and no lengthy gaps between houses. 11/12 is still a pretty naive and trusting age for the average fairly sheltered child.

She wouldn't stand a chance against a full grown adult sized male and that can be a 13 year old boy. I know Dh was already 6ft at 14 years old.

I live in a city so maybe my crime stats are more skewed but sexual assault happens way more than you would think Googling that for this thread is just awful. There are also crime maps you can check for what happens in that area.

I look back at the risks I took as a teen and honestly cringe. However my best friend was raped aged just 16 by a 22 year old man. That put a stop to walking back home from anywhere for obvious reasons.

She has a routine of walking back at a particular time. It doesn't take much for someone to clock that. I would collect her.

No I would not! I would be worried sick. Even with fluorescent jackets on, and most kids seem to remove these, they can be difficult to see and get run over. There was an adult in here recently saying she did not thinks she should have to leave work in the dark, which personally I thought was silly, but a child I would not allow! You do what you think is right don’t be swayed by other families.