AIBU to not let Y7 DD walk home in the dark?

[Floorfeelslikelava]

DD has over the last 6 months started walking home from school (with friends). She’s sensible and whilst it’s light, I’m comfortable that this is a perfectly age-appropriate thing to do.

Now that the clocks have gone back, however, I am reluctant to let her walk home in the dark. She usually finishes school clubs at 5.30. Whilst it’s only actually about ten minutes’ walk, it’s down a very dark, quiet side street and there are stretches which are pretty much pitch black. Her friends are still doing it, and DH thinks it’s fine, but I feel very uncomfortable about the idea. I was attacked in my 20s so I’m not sure whether my view is unreasonable. Would you be letting your Y7 DD walk home in the dark under these circumstances?

But is she walking it alone or with her friends? Was it a stranger abduction?

I agree about reflective stickers for her coat and bag, regardless of what decision you make about this particular walk home.

I would allow it if she's happy to do it. It's 5.30 and she's home by 5.40 - hardly a very quiet time when only criminals are out and about. Presumably people live in the side street (as you described it as a side street, not an alley or a lane) so some of them will be coming home at around that time, and she could knock on someone's door in an emergency.

Being attacked is very rare, and physical accidents seem more likely in this case, though not very likely. If parts of the road are very dark, it would make sense for her to carry a torch. Last year I had a minor accident caused by stepping into a ditch at the side of a path because it was too dark to see where the edge of the path was! Wearing a reflector on her clothes or bag would be sensible precaution too, especially if the pavement is narrow.

For what it's worth, it might also be worth contacting the council to see if the street can be lit any better. The other residents and parents of schoolchildren who walk that way might be very happy to join in with that request. It could be that there are street lamps that are just out of order and need reporting, but if there aren't enough of them at all, your DD wouldn't be the only person who might benefit from an extra one being added.

In a group fine. Left alone not.

I wouldn't have a problem with it. It's 5:30pm, not 3am.

At what age will you let her? How will the risk have changed between now and then? Don't put your anxieties onto her.

Is this about her age or the darkness? I work 13 hour shifts which start at 7am, a 40 min train ride away. In practice this means I cycle to the station at 5:20 in the morning and then do the reverse at 8:20 in the evening. It’s nearly always dark. Sometimes darkness can’t be avoided if you want to live a fulfilling existence. If it is about her age, then have a think about at what age you’d feel comfortable-otherwise you’ll restrict her life forever which isn’t fair and, most likely, unsustainable.

Year 7 at 530? Yes. Assuming she is happy to walk home.

At 730am/ pm? Yes.
And yes at 8pm
any later? No. Young brains get more distract able the later it gets. So for safety from walking near the road I would pick up or arrange a lift share.

it is age appropriate to walk home at 530pm. Unless it is an unlit alley way - or remote field - where the community are aware criminals are operating.
and then I’d want to know what the school, police and council were doing about it.

you need to increase her confidence In walking home - to learn from your experience not disabled by it.

has she attended a self defence class? Does she have friends to walk with? Does she know not to walk home with ear buds in and to remain aware of her surroundings?

give her the tools and her wings.

Ok, thank you for the sanity check - it seems like I’m being a bit too anxious. And that’s also a good point about the street lights - I’ll have a look this week whether the very dark sections just don’t have any lights or whether there are some that are broken and I could contact the council. It sounds as though perhaps I need to let her as long as she’s with friends. Thanks everyone.

Is she happy to do it?

If you can pick her up from school and she gets more music practice in, that’s a win-win in my book. I wouldn’t let my DD (Y8) walk home in the dark as you’ve described — a man asked her to get in his van a couple of years ago while she was walking home from school, and on reporting it to the police I was shocked to discover how common this is. 😞

The charity Action Against Abduction, formerly Pact, estimates that roughly 50 children under the age of 16 are abducted by strangers every year.

Its report Taken, which used data from UK police forces in 2011-12, found that 42% of all abduction attempts were made by strangers - and three quarters of the attempts were unsuccessful.

The average age of abducted children in the UK was 13, while the average age of children who suffered attempted abductions by non-parental perpetrators was 11, according to the report.

Action Against Abduction claims that most of these cases are sexually motivated, yet many attempted abductions are not reported to police.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-37504781

Exactly how would all those saying "Yes collect her" actually facilitate collecting at 5.30 every night?

Do people not work? Have other DC?

Once a week I could manage to collect DC2 (girl / will be Y7 next year) at 5.30pm but not everyday?

Our most likely school for DD is a 5 minute walk away through busy / well lit area. There is another school we have put first for her that involves quite a bit of travel - she is unlikely to get a place here - but my main reservation was the travel / coming home late and in the dark in winter. If she were to get this school I'd have to think long and hard about whether to send her [It's an excellent school]

Sorry that was a long winded way of saying that I get that we worry about our daughters, mine is weeny and looks a lot younger than her age so that adds to my concerns but I do not want to raise her to be afraid. She needs to understand risks, she needs to understand there are bad people and bad things can happen in a heartbeat but she also needs to learn to be independent and I don't want her default feeling if she has to be out in the dark, to be fear. Although of course I am not going to send her out, on her own on a dark winter evening for no reason.

However I cannot be in two places at once so if she did get the further away school then I couldn't collect her everyday and we'd have to manage travelling in the dark and negate as many risks as we can. God I hope we don't get this school and I can just send her to the nearby one!!!

The OP does explain in her posts that she can pick her DD up at 6 after a music club,

I wasn't sure if this was everyday? How do others facilitate it?

I am not being facetious, I genuinely don't know many people who could commit to a 5.30pm / 6pm pick up everyday.

I met DS at corner of road in year 7 as he was nervous - he had about an 8 min walk from bus stop. I wasn’t particularly happy about going out in cold/dark myself but he was anxious, so I had to.

I'm an adult grown woman and sometimes I will get collected from the station if it's dark, bad weather, or later than I would normally come home. It's not unusual for any adult of any age. Why is this such a strange thing to also do for children?

I'm a adult woman and sometimes I get the bus from the station rather than walk. But that would be because it's cold or wet or I'm tired, not because I'm afraid to walk in the dark.

Only ever afraid to walk home in the dark when it's very late and there's nobody around.

But at 17:30 safety in numbers. At that time, there will be people coming home from work children. Leaving after school clubs some of them with their parents. Teenagers going home from college.That kind of thing. It won't be deserted, and that's the difference.

I don’t understand all the people saying attacks are ‘very rare’. Yes actual abduction and murder is rare, but sexual assault and harassment are incredibly common. I wouldn’t let an 11 year old be in this situation (alone on a dark, secluded street) because at 11 they are still small and slight and most of them would just freeze if confronted with a threat.

By 15 or 16 they are physically bigger and capable of more mature judgement.

She will have to get herself to and from places when she is 16, 21, 35, 50. She will still potentially run into nutters. She will have to do what all do. Make sure she has a phone, walk quickly, tell people where she is and when she is expected back. You can't baby her forever.
If she can walk with a friend, better.

It’s difficult but at some time she will need to do it on her own. Don’t be like one Mother I saw who used to walk her girls to the bus station literally 2 or 3 minutes walk. Then check them onto the bus one must have been at least 15. No apparent special needs and knowing the school they were at they wouldn’t have. We used to have students at the nursery 16 plus and they would have to go because Mother was waiting at the gate for them. It was on a really god bus route but they couldn’t get on or of a bus or wait for one.They had to have a lift. Needless to say they were very poor at showing any initiative.

We picked up our year 7 daughter and son when it was dark.

If she is happy to do it, OP, then let her. Make sure she has some reflective strips on her clothing though. I'm more worried about them getting run over as school uniform is usually so dark and they are practically invisible to cars.

16 primary school aged kids are injured every day in the UK on roads. While yours is a little older, the lack of lighting is a valid concern and I always think it’s better to be safe than sorry

As an grown woman my late 30's, I avoid walking alone down quiet roads in the dark. I would absolutely not be letting my 11 or 12 year old daughter take this route alone, and would only let her walk if there were other children with her.

Year 7 not the age 7