AIBU to not let Y7 DD walk home in the dark?

[Floorfeelslikelava]

DD has over the last 6 months started walking home from school (with friends). She’s sensible and whilst it’s light, I’m comfortable that this is a perfectly age-appropriate thing to do.

Now that the clocks have gone back, however, I am reluctant to let her walk home in the dark. She usually finishes school clubs at 5.30. Whilst it’s only actually about ten minutes’ walk, it’s down a very dark, quiet side street and there are stretches which are pretty much pitch black. Her friends are still doing it, and DH thinks it’s fine, but I feel very uncomfortable about the idea. I was attacked in my 20s so I’m not sure whether my view is unreasonable. Would you be letting your Y7 DD walk home in the dark under these circumstances?

At end of school day with friends, yes.
After clubs finish at 5ish on own, no.
Go with your gut feeling.

Totally agree with you - your gut is correct. I’d never (and did never) let my girls walk home in the dark. Sensible they may be - but that has no influence on the male sexual predators that can be anywhere.

The more I think about it, I wouldn’t (and don’t) let our teenaged babysitter walk home along that road, albeit later at night.

I appreciate that the numbers of incidents are low, but as I’ve discussed with DH, if it happens to you (which it has) then that’s pretty irrelevant - it’s no comfort that the numbers are low overall. A bit like wearing a seatbelt, perhaps. The chance of your car crashing is low but if it does and you’re not wearing a seatbelt, the fact that the other cars didn’t crash is neither here nor there.

She generally has a reasonable amount of freedom when it’s light and happily walks to town etc with friends. It’s just this dark, quiet road that really scares me.

Also agree! Theres a massive difference between walking in the dark at 5:30 when it’s busy with other school leavers and people finishing work, compared to walking in the dark very late at night. It’s a 10-minute walk after school, the strong likelihood is she’ll be absolutely fine.

Good analogy. And quite. Don’t worry! It’s not a problem.. Until it is. Just trust your gut - always. x

You're just being obtuse now. The chances of being harmed in a car accident is very high. 900 accidents a day I believe in the UK. That's why you're fined for not wearing a belt.

Won't she be with other friends walking back?

Good grief, what world do you live in?
She's year 7 not age 7 and really no, they haven't. Children are more likely to be struck by lightning than to be abducted by a stranger.

Anyway - my DD walks home from the bus (also Y7) which is now in the dark, and goes for night games in the park with Scouts. She's allowed to walk TO Scouts (7pm) on her own, we only draw the line at walking back (8.45).

Get her a head torch if it's dark.

If she’s with friends I’d say yes she can continue to walk. Both my children walk independently to school and have done since start of y6. Youngest gets a train into town and bikes either end of the journey. He goes to a different school to most of his peers, but there are other people travelling and walking a similar way. This time of year it’s often in the dark. I work, as does my husband, so we don’t have much of a choice. If it’s ever a v late finish I’d pick up, but not for standard after school stuff…

Definitely a no from me. Follow your gut, you're correct to be worried.

I'd pick up after 5pm on winter evenings as there are fewer people on the route from school to my house at that time. And the street lights are too obscured by trees.

To everyone saying "follow your gut" - please read Nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman's book "Thinking, Fast and Slow", which pretty comprehensively shows how poor our "gut" is at making good decisions.

I'm sorry but I think this is slightly ridiculous, unless your streets are unlit?

At 5:30 many people will be out and about, coming back from work etc. It's hardly the dead of night, is it?

Y7 are so mollycoddled now

It's 10 minutes.

Stop raising girls to be terrified of everything. Your trauma is not hers.

Exactly how many 11yos have been abducted or murdered whilst walking home in the dark, in say the last 5 years?

The crime profile of the local area makes a massive difference here. If it's an inner city location where people regularly get mugged at knifepoint I might be giving somewhat different advice than if it's a quiet middle-class market town.

Even just in the town where I live there are areas I'd be much happier to let a child walk alone than others.

If I’m reading this with the correct assumption then she wants to walk, or is happy to do so, and isn’t alone because she is with friends? Yes, I’d let her do so provided she was happy and in company.

Yes - just “dark” is a poor reason

dark and no pavement ?
dark and a known crime spot ?
differnet

I do wish posters would state the actual age of the child rather than what year of school they’re in which means nothing to posters who don’t have children in the English school system.

Also, it makes a difference depending on the area you live in and whether it’s considered fairly safe or not.

A 12yr old will still be in Primary school in Ireland.

The last child i can think of who was abducted and murdered whilst walking home from school in the UK is Milly Dowler in 2002.
Thankfully it is super super rare.

Yes, this is a good point and my response was based on the area I live in, which is rurally but on the outskirts of a market town. I would have thought that a city or bigger town would have been more likely to be well lit up in the evenings or have had an alternative route that had street lighting.

Gosh, how many year 7 children have been abducted or murdered this year? I haven’t heard!

I suspect the road and cars are the biggest danger. Attach something reflective to her bag or coat for huge safety improvements.

Ok, that’s fair. There are sections of the street which are completely unlit, and so pitch black, with heavy tree cover on both sides. I would not expect anyone else to be on the street at that time of night- when I go to pick her up, I often don’t see anyone else, or possibly one or two other people. It’s in quite a middle class bit of the city but a teenager was abducted up the road a few years ago.

I retract this, apologies I read age 7 not year 7, my bad. Year 7 yes I would.

Is there a particular reason you worry about this route, or is it just the dark?

Mine walk home year round, as late as 8pm, but I know the route and have no worries about it. Their friends do as well. Its dark before 4pm here in winter.

However I didn't let them in Yr6, with a shorter route, as there was a road to cross which is poorly lit and used as parking for parents and I don't trust school run drivers.