Hen party drama

[Horsingabout2]

My two best friends are in charge of my hen weekend. I’ve given them free rein within a couple of paramaters (including not to exceed a certain cost so as many people as possible can make it given it’s quite close to Christmas).

I am not in the WA group but I know they were putting the itinerary in there earlier. One of my friends has called me to say one of the attendees (my cousin) has kicked up a fuss about one of the meals being a butlers in the buff style evening. Said they won’t go on the weekend if that’s the plan. No one else has said they’ve an issue.

My cousin hasn’t contacted me directly. I don’t want my friends to have to rearrange things given the efforts they’ve gone to in order to arrange. AIBU to say that if she wants to be stubborn and not attend, that says more about her and how highly she must regard me?

I’ll take boring any day.

You do you with the naked butler. Creepy but most of all…just totally naff and old hat.

Are you titillated by it?🙄

Not at all, but its a standard hen party activity, kind of expected. Would never chose to go to it outside of this setting.

Sounds like a very classy affair 🙄 Hen dos are grim at the best of times. I’ve NEVER attended one again since going to one 30 years ago where there was a male stripper, whose finale was to go round dunking his dick in various women’s drinks 🤮

I hate the excessive drinking, hysteria, bitchiness and poor behaviour that seems inevitable, and I didn’t attend hen weekends for either of my sisters - I just told them I hate hen dos and they were fine with that.

Your cousin is perfectly within her rights to object to this tacky idea. You will be unreasonable if you cause a fuss or have a go at her if she declines.

There’s no point trying to push her into it as well. As someone who provides a (potentially pearl clutching) service to hen parties (but not limited to) , it’s not unusual for people to turn up, cringe, and cry because it’s not what they like or believe in. It’s a horrible situation for everyone. They stand at the sides, no participation, willing for it to end.

I avoid these jobs as much as I can. The willy straws, cosplaying and blow up dicks just give me the boke. 🤣

Yes YABU - has she really kicked up a fuss ? Perhaps she just responded politely to the WhatsApp message by saying that Butlers in the Buff isn't for her.

The friend who rang you is stirring.

I wouldn't go either , thats my choice. How highly she regards you - probably quite highly seeing as she said yes to the hen weekend which probably includes travel in her part , £ on her part and obviously her time.

Not everyone has to like it - I wouldn't like my DH going to a lapdance/stripper Stag weekend but you don't mind - that's your choice .

It’s totally fine if this isn’t for you, I’m not fussed either. But it’s not the same at all. Men and women are different and it’s more harmful to pretend those differences don’t exist.
Surely you can see how a semi-naked women alone in a group of drunk men is a different dynamic than a semi-naked man alone with a group of drunk women? From a quick google search it’s seems ‘butlerettes’ are often only bookable in pairs which is quite telling.

You're not helping yourself. And I can tell you I'm not ignorant, my dh did not go into a strip club on a stag do. He rang me instead as he hates those places and thinks morally they are vile. But you do you, dont be telling others their dh has the same low morals as you and your soon to be dh

Why the hyperbole?
It's not my cup of tea, and I don't own any pearls.

It's OK not to like something. If I had been invited to a hen do that involved horse riding or attending a football match, for example, I wouldn't want to go.

The best answer on this thread is the first one IMO. I bet the cousin didn't "kick up a fuss", but just said she didn't want to go any more, and the "fuss" is that the cost is going to have to be split among the other hens.

I don't think it's fair to call your cousin stubborn. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that situation either. It's not everyone's cup of tea and you should respect that.

OMG this all sounds horrible. I bet you will have a veil to wear with condoms stuck to it. Why cant you have a meal and maybe a spa day, like normal people do?

You keep saying things are 'par for the course' on a stag or hen do but that doesn't make them compulsory or even desirable! Wouldn't it be great to do something totally original instead?

So, where do you think they live? Do you think it's not the real world because it's not quite like your circle?

If you're happy to go then just reply, thanks for telling me. You could contact your cousin and say I understand why you can't come to the hen party, don't worry. We can meet up for tea and cake instead! That way there's no fall out or bad feelings.

It's actually quite boring to be this uninspired.

Have a long and happy marriage!

The naked butler thing is really not for me but each to their own. In the same spirit, don’t take your cousin not wanting to come as a reflection of how she thinks of you but as a choice she is entitled to make. I don’t think getting married means people have to just do as asked or it’s a massive offence against the bride. You are all adults whose relationships surely are deeper than this.
Entirely up to you but re ‘par for the course’ for hen dos, you really don’t have to buy into the idea that a hen do has to be a particular way. You said it’s not usually your cup of tea and if that’s really the case you should be able to say to your close friends who are organising things.

Or how about understanding that people just like different things?

It has nothing to do with being stuck up or pearl clutching.

It's not my cup of tea either and if I had been asked to financially contribute to this I would politely decline, just as I would decline going horse racing or greyhound racing. I'm not going to pay for something I won't enjoy. That's all.

It isn't about being 'stuck up' it's rather strange men's bare arses are grim and anyone who thinks it'd be a laugh must be a bit thick imo.

My friend went to a butler in the buff hen do. The "butler" had a few drinks and hit on the women. Then he said he couldn't drive home, so could he stay? Urgh. It spoiled the weekend.

to be honest your friends arranging it ABU if it’s not your cup of tea.

If you want people to go to your party then a good rule of thumb is to not plan any activities that are absolutely horrible.

There's a huge range of enjoyable activities between (1) male strippers and (2) needlework

I think this thread is a wind up though

Yes i am very stuck up and if that means I am not in the same room as a pink cowboy hat and a blow up penis then I will cry into my quinoa smoothie and wallow in my boring hen do

No. Statistics back up that Mumsnet is mostly one segment of society that isn’t the majority. I also can see different sides of a coin - something your response suggests isn’t possible for you.

You're here on MN.