Hen party drama

[Horsingabout2]

My two best friends are in charge of my hen weekend. I’ve given them free rein within a couple of paramaters (including not to exceed a certain cost so as many people as possible can make it given it’s quite close to Christmas).

I am not in the WA group but I know they were putting the itinerary in there earlier. One of my friends has called me to say one of the attendees (my cousin) has kicked up a fuss about one of the meals being a butlers in the buff style evening. Said they won’t go on the weekend if that’s the plan. No one else has said they’ve an issue.

My cousin hasn’t contacted me directly. I don’t want my friends to have to rearrange things given the efforts they’ve gone to in order to arrange. AIBU to say that if she wants to be stubborn and not attend, that says more about her and how highly she must regard me?

Exactly this. Its the coercive fun element which disturbs me about it. The idea that if you don’t go along with it all you’re stuck up or precious or awkward.

I personally find the naked butler thing grim: I find the idea of watching a dead-eyed middle aged man twirling a sweaty thong for money about as sexy as death. But I wouldn’t judge anyone else who wanted to do it. I’m sure it floats some boats and each to their own. I guess my idea of a fun hen night would seem boring to some.

But surely you can’t expect it to be mandatory that everyone has to enjoy this (and pay for it) just because its a hen night?

if she wants to be stubborn and not attend, that says more about her and how highly she must regard me?

What an incredibly nasty way to talk about someone who you've invited to your hen do.

If it was any of my friends, I'd simply say to organiser to carry on as they were but make ot clear that its no trouble if your friend wants to sit that part out.

Don't be surprised if others follow suit.

Your proposed response is unreasonable. Lots of people would be uncomfortable with this plan, so if she wants to bow out just accept it.

You're not in the WA group, so I'd just thank the other person for the headsup and then either do nothing, or ask the organisers to change it.

It really isn't a drama. Plenty of people decline hens.

Butlers in the buff! Yuck

Jesus Christ, butlers in the buff.
What kind of desperate attention-seeker muppet would go for that crap in 2025? I can’t think of a more brain-dead spectacle.
You would do well to listen to your cousin. Kudos to her for going against the grain and pushing back against the rest of the group. It is not easy to be vocal in this kind of situations but at some point common sense must triumph over the herd mentality,

That's a really sad view you have of the world

Agreed. Definitely no ‘we’ do not ‘all’ like it.

I don't like 'eye candy', prosecco or naked men. It would be my nightmare 😅

It is your cousin's choice whether or not they attend and they can't force everyone else to change it just because of them.

I would hate it myself though, so don't blame her.

The low, low, low bar for men on Mumsnet.

No.

" We all secretly like a bit of eye candy when we’ve had a few Prosecco’s don’t we? "
What the fuck ? Did you escape from a Hollyoaks episode ?
😂😂😂
Lovely, don't degrade yourself. I am sure you can carry yourself with a bit more class.

Not so. PP are trying to show the OP that we don't all "want to oggle naked men after a few Proseccos" and that her cousin seems to feel the same as a large number of MNers. It has nothing to do with her relationship with/ lack of respect for the OP, it's just the way she is and the OP should respect her desire NOT to take part in (and pay for) such an activity.

it's not part of the course 🙄 I didnt have anything like for my hen recently nor been on one with similar. you can change it

I’d step away from the hen too. I’d assume that the tone of the whole event, not just the meal, would be something I’d absolutely loathe and struggle to endure with good grace. It would be no reflection on the bride and would enable others who would enjoy that sort of thing to have fun without enduring someone in the party who was uncomfortable.

nah - i don't like things like that and i wouldn't go either.

I don't drink prosecco and this "prosecco drinking screeching women ogling buff men" vibe is really not my scene.

So cousin just doesn't go, and you can all enjoy yourselves? Or cousin goes on the weekend and doesn't attend that dinner?

Ignore everyone on here with their comments about a butler in the buff evening being tacky.

Leave your cousin to it. If everyone else genuinely is happy to pay for/ take part in the evening, it should go on as planned and she can just choose not to go, that’s up to her. Don’t change the plans for one person, if it’s something everyone else is looking forward to.

Ugh. I feel so sorry for the cousin. Bitched about, made to feel awful for being the odd one out and no support from the bride. Yet she’s the only one with any integrity.

It's totally not my cup of tea and I don't think I'd fork out to attend something like that. Yabu to expect her to go if she really wouldn't enjoy it though. What would that achieve for anyone?
Arrange to catch up with her separately .

Eh, you don't get to override multiple comments that you happen to disagree with.

Override? 🤣 It was just my advice to the OP. Whilst we’re at it, “you don’t get to” tell me what I can and can’t post.

I can't imagine why anybody would find that kind of activity amusing! I would absolutely hate it and cringe with embarrassment. Why is it considered funny for people to take their clothes off in public??

You told the OP to ignore other comments, you could express your view without doing that. Alas, I do get to point out that you cannot just sweepingly override loads of other comments.

Yes, that’s right. Well done! Still room for improvement - I haven’t said what segment of society I’m from. You have assumed that so perhaps brush up on comprehension and the bigger picture.

I'd hate it, too. It's so juvenile.
Plus who wants to see a man's naked bum when you're eating or drinking? 🤮 🤢