Hen party drama

[Horsingabout2]

My two best friends are in charge of my hen weekend. I’ve given them free rein within a couple of paramaters (including not to exceed a certain cost so as many people as possible can make it given it’s quite close to Christmas).

I am not in the WA group but I know they were putting the itinerary in there earlier. One of my friends has called me to say one of the attendees (my cousin) has kicked up a fuss about one of the meals being a butlers in the buff style evening. Said they won’t go on the weekend if that’s the plan. No one else has said they’ve an issue.

My cousin hasn’t contacted me directly. I don’t want my friends to have to rearrange things given the efforts they’ve gone to in order to arrange. AIBU to say that if she wants to be stubborn and not attend, that says more about her and how highly she must regard me?

It isnt an insult to you if cousin sets this boundary for herself. You are not obligated to change anything but as you are not that keen either I would ask friends to change the plan.

Given the amount of replies on this thread I’d say no ! Personally I couldn’t think of anything worse

Um, no, not in a paid-for commercial transaction. No, we don’t all like that sort of ”eye-candy.”

If all I wanted to do was post a wind up thread on mumsnet, I think I’d struggle to think of anything that hit more goady points than this. But…I’m not that bored.

Imagine a man saying this. It’s so crass to objectify people in this way

I’d not pay for it either. I’m still salty about the hen do years ago where the ‘amazing surprise’ we’d all chipped in for was a nasty stripper who was an hour late and clearly coked off his face. Grim.

Sorry @Horsingabout2, but I'd be out too if that was part of it, how cringe!

No, I have been to a few hen do’s over the years and they have been great nights out with no men’s butt cheeks in sights!
Not everyone ‘secretly’ wants the same as you and it’s not ‘par of the course’ for everyone either. I would not be paying for anything like that either.

May shock you but I also am aware of many stag do’s that also didn’t go anywhere near a strip club.

This is what bemuses me. Cannot understand: a) why it’s okay to [sexually] objectify anyone - male or female - in 2025; b) why the organisers wouldn’t consider that there are a multitude of reasons many women would find this offensive or uncomfortable (faith, SA survivors, their DPs would hit the roof etc) and c) why you would want naked strangers’ genitals/arses exposed around food and drink. All in all, this is pretty revolting.

Honestly grow up. Butlers in the buff is disgusting as is “he’s only having a dance it’s ok “

It’s not ok. They are people just pay for a butler to serve drinks if you must but have him wear clothes and tell your “dh” that strippers are from as well.

No, you cannot 'assure' people.

I’m with the cousin, but she shouldn’t be kicking up a fuss, she should just cancel.

I love everyone assuming we've all got the same low standards.

This must be a wind-up? Has the OP been on the Prosecco already?

I reckon she has cancelled and that’s the issue. They now need to charge the other guests to cover the shortfall of her contribution. And there is a chance other people will drop out, emboldened by the cousin, so the cost of the weekend will now go up.

IMO, the organisers should have canvassed all the invitees to ascertain where their hard line was before booing this. They’ve done a crap job, really.

I do knit and I do like (some) cake, and am happy about both, but also agree with your first sentence! Hope you do have hobbies you enjoy and foods you love. 😁

Following for the same 🤣

You think that folk on MN don't also live 'in the real world'?

Really silly choice of ‘activity’ without checking if guests are up for it first, I’d be surprised if the cousin is the only one not particularly up for it.
The most recent hen do I was invited I included a similar activity, me and a couple of others declined that bit, no fuss or drama and no offence taken by the bride or other hens. That’s the only hen or many I’ve been on where it’s been an issue though so certainly not ‘par for the course’ in my circle.

I'm also with the cousin, I'm no pearl clutcher and would find this unbearably cringey and wouldn't participate...very happy that this wasn't organised for my hen or any of my friends'.

I remember the one and only hen party I went to with a male strupper (I have probably attended about thirty hens in total). It was vile. We weren't told beyond some 'special guest' hints. I would have gone alone with it again in my hen season phase but hated it. Now I'm older I think good on her for saying no.

This can’t be real!! Eye candy after a few Proseccos?! You’re either 17 or winding us up.

In a world of women demanding equality I wonder what the outcry would be in the men had a waitress in the buff evening? Why do women think this is ok?

Ah, what a shame that nobody is actually doing that.

Paying for men to be naked and serve you drinks at a hen do, is not 'par for the course'

Paying to objectify and slobber over naked women at stag do's, is not 'par for the course'

Maybe if you are crass and so basic you are unable to think of anything else to do, it's 'par for the course'