Hen party drama

[Horsingabout2]

My two best friends are in charge of my hen weekend. I’ve given them free rein within a couple of paramaters (including not to exceed a certain cost so as many people as possible can make it given it’s quite close to Christmas).

I am not in the WA group but I know they were putting the itinerary in there earlier. One of my friends has called me to say one of the attendees (my cousin) has kicked up a fuss about one of the meals being a butlers in the buff style evening. Said they won’t go on the weekend if that’s the plan. No one else has said they’ve an issue.

My cousin hasn’t contacted me directly. I don’t want my friends to have to rearrange things given the efforts they’ve gone to in order to arrange. AIBU to say that if she wants to be stubborn and not attend, that says more about her and how highly she must regard me?

Not sure why you get to tell me what I can and can’t say, but I can’t do the same for OP.

Why ignore the comments that presumably align with the feelings of the cousin? Surely that's helpful to the OP who wants to know if the cousin is unreasonable or not. It shows both sides of the argument.
You can enjoy what you like and have opinions on it, as can those who think it's tacky/exploitative/gross.
I don't want someone serving me food and drinks with their arse out and think it's revolting 🤮. Cousin shouldn't be chastised for having her own feelings about it, or made to feel like she's a shit friend for not just going along with it. I agree that they should just let her make her own decision and leave her to it rather than making her feel like an outcast for having her own standards.

no.

Your title says "hen party drama".

Where is the drama?

Your cousin doesn't want to attend an event with naked butlers and has said so

She isn't being stubborn, she is just sticking to her boundaries.

No "drama", just fact.

If I was your cousin, I'd be glad to have dodged a bullet.

Indeed. The drama does appear to have been concocted.

It sounds to me from OPs posts, but I may be wrong, that she wants to do the butler in buff, as does everyone else. It’s one person who doesn’t want to, so I think it’s fair for everyone else to go ahead and enjoy the evening as planned, and the cousin who doesn’t want to, doesn’t have to go. I don’t think the cousin should be chastised at all, nowhere did I say anything along those lines, I think she should just be made to feel okay about the fact she doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to.

I suggested OP ignore the comments about it being tacky, as that wasn’t what she was asking. She obviously likes the idea and wants to do it.

OP, I wouldn't have wanted a naked butlers meal at my hen do and none of my friends would ever have foisted any such thing on me and my friends. That said, I arranged my own, very staid, hen do as I'm not the clubbing/willy balloon type. We did fun things together during the day, then ordered in pizza to the house and did some slightly drunken karaoke.

If your cousin is balking at the stripper meal thing, then I can't say I blame her, but it's very much her choice based on her personal tastes and nothing to do with you or the way she feels about you!

But the comments are all valid and shouldn't be ignored because they show the OP that the cousins decision isn't based on being a good friend and to do with her standards.
Tacky is an acceptable opinion, even if the OP wants to do it. I'm sure I like a few things that some may think are tacky and I'm fine with that.

I agree with you that the event shouldn't be cancelled for one person. That person shouldn't be the "bad one" for making her own choices though, which is sounds like she is.

Utter nonsense; please don't judge everyone else by your standards.

Just to make you all laugh

Ive organised my sisters hen do for next year. Its a big celebration in the sun, with all of her friends.

But ive told her its a weekend on the isle of wight alcohol free doing meditation and yoga. Ive contacted everyone she knows and told them to play along and even her two daughters are in on it 😂

I’m not sure if you’re suggesting I’ve said the cousin is “the bad one” For not wanting to go. I have never said that. I said she shouldn’t go if she doesn’t want to. I would support her choice not to go.

Oh my god.... what if she's come round to the idea of a quiet meditation and yoga event and is looking forward to it?! 🤔

No, I'm not suggesting you have said she is the bad one. I agree with you that she should be free to make her own decision without grief from the other hens. Sounds like she is being accused of being difficult or dramatic by the group and/or the OP.

Shes absolutely livid 😂All of her hens are sending her links to hiking boots and yoga mats.

Shes threatening to smuggle a bottle of vodka in her bag.

I'm staying at hers the night before so will repack her bag with all of the required clothes and accessories for a weekend in the sun.

She kept asking questions and I said lets keep it a surprise, you'll love it (there are almost 20 women going on this weekend) and she pestered me until i let it slip we were going to an island so I had to think on my feet and we just ended up with the Isle of Wight for a yoga retreat!

I find this a bit of a weird thing to say. I've been to a couple of butlers in the buff things on hen parties (it's not my thing but I didn't mind going along with it for someone else's do) and really the point isn't to actually titillate the women but just to do something a bit rude and funny (and yeah, cringey, but some people love a bit of self aware trashiness) but harmless really. I don't think any of us were genuinely turned on by it and nor did we expect or intend to be.

I wouldn't have allowed it for my hen but I didn't mind it at others'. Still, it's the kind of thing where it is important that everyone is happy and nobody feels pressured. If your cousin doesn't want to do it I think she should be able to sit it out.

😂😂
Oh my god! You are evil, pure evil! 😈
Have fun!

And we mustn’t engage our fluffy little brains and question ‘Standard Hen Party Activity’, Girlies (🙄), must we? I’m sure Standard Activity in a number of areas would be pretty revolting- such as Standard Sexual Remarks When Passing a Building Site etc etc.

Are we in the 1970s still? A pp upthread said she enjoyed a bit of ‘eye candy’! How quaint! I cannot believe some of the dopey, living-in-the-past, unquestioning responses on here.

Do gangs of women still subscribe to the ‘we love a bit of Prosecco and giggling over men’s willies!’ Stuff.

Jeez.

The BinTB will likely be a 2 hour booking, your cousin can read or go to another room? Or even pop out for that bit rather than ditch the whole thing. If they decline to come at all then accept that graciously.

FWIW Butler wears an apron, makes and serves drinks, normally really nice guys vs women working in a club, getting naked and trying to rinse as much cash out of inebriated men whilst said women are coked up and despise the men in question

It’s not really par for the course though. A hen do can be whatever the bride wants.
It can be strippers or a high tea or bungee jumping.

Also why is your friend telling you this and getting you involved? They need to sort this out between themselves and if your cousin doesn’t want to attend, that’s her prerogative.

Also please don’t say highly she must regard me? out loud again. It makes you sound like a bit of a twat.
It’s a hen do, not a ransom. She’s aloud to decline something that makes her uncomfortable or doesn’t match her values.

No.

Yeah, they wear an apron, you can only see their bums. No touching allowed either way, they've always been very game and professional in my experience. One was a mortgage broker by day and gave me a bit of free advice 😄

It wouldn't be my sort of thing either. I did go to one at a hen which was exactly like I imagined - some thick, veiny, tattoed bloke, lots of weird giggling from the women. Really cringey.

Second one, I "popped out" (I made an excuse about needing something from the pharmacy) - they're usually only there for a few hours. I had messaged the organiser first and said that it wasn't my thing. Obviously, that's more difficult when it's a dinner though.

I think it sounds really tacky, but I would politely decline and not kick up a fuss.

Ah, yes, the 'I'm just here for a fight' type.