Possible to not upset people over getting married without any family

[narnia2025]

We are planning to get married next year. We want to do a no thrills statutory wedding . Can only have two witnesses. Not even able to have dc there due to restrictions. So to not upset people we are thinking of having non family there so a co worker of dp and a friend of mine. We have even considered having random people from local fb page etc.

although I very much want to do it this way. I’m slightly worried that it is gonna cause fall out and upset especially dp family. Has anyone got married and not had family there? Was there fall out? Was everyone ok with it?

By no family, you need to mean no family. No exceptions. And no friends either, because that just leads to accusations that you treat your friends better than your family.

I’d probably just drag in two randoms from the street.

I do think eloping to do this,’without telling anyone in advance, is a good plan. Seems more spontaneous, less likelihood of someone getting funny about it.

My ds got married and told nobody until the next day

I was really upset to be told via text but it did make sense-my family are narcissistic and I'm the nc scapegoat

There would have been words/a fight if we'd been in the same room (not by me,but my presence would have set someone off)

End of the day,it was their day and they did what they wanted

My family can laugh as much as they like about me missing out-they didnt get an invite either

Personal experience - get strangers off the streets as witnesses. My cousin married with none of us there, we all accepted it, as they said it was a no frills, no fuss thing, and their wish to have nobody there. We saw pics later, flowers, nice outfits, and two of their friends as the witnesses. My aunt and uncle broke their hearts over it. They were “fine” with the no fuss wedding, but the thought that they were less important than two friends was very painful for them. No back story, a normal happy family.

Just do it, get it over with, don't tell anyone immediately. Change your name. If you use witnesses you know then I wouldn't tell family that.

To you maybe. To some people it’s literally just a practicality like signing for a mortgage or an employment contract. OP do what you want - I’m like you, hate weddings and your family aren’t owed one, if anyone’s upset it’s entirely their problem. Surely your families want you to be happy, not partake in pomp and ceremony you don’t want?

We did a civil event as soon as you legally could for security, pension and financial reasons (we have been together a very long time) - we had people from my work who we are close to as witnesses. One of which was the boss, so he was ok with the time out of the office. As a thank you, we took them out to a very fancy lunch.

Reasons:
My mother - would have been a living nightmare (she recently ran up the aisle behind a bride during the bridal march at a relative's wedding to fuss with the train because she felt it didn't sit perfectly - then cried, had a loud tantrum and told all and sundry she 'felt attacked' when taken to task about it, creating even more drama)
His parents - can't be civil in the same room together
My siblings - are NC with my mother
My father - LC with my mother & would have been fine, but likes to stir
His extended family - four are very lovely, but the one uncle loves to get drunk and start fights
My extended family - four are very lovely but there is one uncle who also likes to get drunk and start fights
My Friends & His friends - Lovely but all know the family (so someone would have let the cat out of the bag sooner or later)

We have never told a single soul because it's no one's business but our own

We got married the first week restrictions were lifted post Covid (May 2021). Just a friend, our photographer and our little girl at the town hall. I have PTSD, poor health and a lot of anxiety and just wanted to be married to the man I love. It was the perfect day! Married in the morning, pictures taken and then back home to have papa johns.

We sent elopement cards and goodness did we have backlash. But neither of us are close to our families - definitely not now!

It’s your wedding and your day. Spend it however you want and don’t worry about our people! Congrats!

My friend got married and just had a friend (me) and the grooms sister as witnesses, they did have a nice meal afterwards for the rest of the family and close friends to come to.

I don’t think anyone was upset.

My godmother got married and only invited both sets of parents, don’t think anyone was upset.

General consensus seems to be:

• Invite no family (All or nothing). A couple of friends or randoms is fine as witnesses.
• Just tell people afterwards. No announcement beforehand.
• Find a babysitter who isn't family
• Give people a bit of space as some might feel sad but they'll get over it.
• or just invite all your close family and have a very small occasion. (Again, everyone or no-one! Don't pick your favourites!)
• Enjoy your wedding.

We did a friend each so as not to show favouritism to one side of the family/multiple siblings etc. and told people afterwards. Getting random witnesses was hard as our registry office wasn’t in the middle of town.

If we had told family before it there would have been someone who just ‘turned up’ because they wouldn’t have respected our wishes.

Would highly advise against using any family member to babysit at home while you do it as that does seem a bit mean.

Do you have a third friend/friend’s partner who could babysit, so you + 2 friends to the registry, then all three friends + you both and child could have lunch afterwards at your house?

My vote is for two strangers off the street and don't bother telling anyone.
The paperwork is done, nothing else changes.

Same, wish I'd popped down to Brixton Registry office. I'd still have had the honeymoon, just without all the fuss and upset caused by family.

My sister did this without telling us all until some months later. Didn’t bother me, they’d been together donkeys years anyway, and had a teenage son. Who didn’t want to go to the ceremony muuuuum 🙄 but did go for a meal afterwards. They didn’t know their witnesses either.
When their first anniversary came around I gave them a beautiful rose in a huge pot to celebrate their marriage. Which felt just right to me, I was happy for them.

Thinking about it I think they might have used professional wedding witnesses, this is definitely a thing !

I would say not to let other peoples behaviour stop you from getting married. That being said, if the future in laws have form for being tricky then it’s your soon to be husband that needs to square this away with them. That being said, if they have then the are going to be tricky regardless so I point you back to my first point - you can’t let other peoples behaviour or feared behaviour dictate something this big.

Have you booked the date yet?

I’d be worried that your kids will be upset to not be included in the day.

Kids aren’t allowed to attend

But why? There seems to be a lot of rules.

Because it is a tiny room. The same you would register a baby in. You are only allowed two witnesses no one else. Not even babies in arms. It is clear in the website. It does seem like all stat weddings are like that in registry offices.

My second wedding was in a registry office as was my stepdaughters. Both old council buildings that seated 20 ish people and had lovely architecture. Council registry offices are not cupboards

I did exactly this, no family at all. It didn't go down well at the time, but everyone got over it in time.

We used friends as witnesses so as not to have any favoritism re family.

But only because you’re choosing the option where they are not allowed. It would be very easy to pick an option where they could be there if it was important to you. I’d be much more worried about my kids being upset about not being invited than anything else.

I’d be extremely surprised if any register office apart from the most tiny only had a room which fitted the couple marrying, two witnesses and the registrar, with no room for anyone else.

We got married in a room like that, which suited our needs, but the same register office certainly had other rooms available, all far larger.

I mean, obviously choose that if that’s what you want (as we did), but own it, don’t pretend it’s a circumstance forced on you outside of your control.

If you choose the £85 ( I think) option it is indeed just the tiny room with just two witnesses. The next step up is nearly £400, and you can only have 8 people. In my area they only do one cheapie ceremony a month which I thought was a bit shit, we had to do the £400 option or wait 6 months. So we invited some friends as it seemed bonkers not to.