Possible to not upset people over getting married without any family

[narnia2025]

We are planning to get married next year. We want to do a no thrills statutory wedding . Can only have two witnesses. Not even able to have dc there due to restrictions. So to not upset people we are thinking of having non family there so a co worker of dp and a friend of mine. We have even considered having random people from local fb page etc.

although I very much want to do it this way. I’m slightly worried that it is gonna cause fall out and upset especially dp family. Has anyone got married and not had family there? Was there fall out? Was everyone ok with it?

I wanted a wedding abroad and did it with only 1 family member and their partner. It caused a big fall out and now looking back I wish it was all the same but with no family there at all.

Honestly, don’t let anyone discourage you from going ahead with your plans. It’s your day, and if the two of you want a simple, no-frills ceremony, then do it, we never regretted ours. Just make sure you don’t tell anyone beforehand.

It goes better if you tell family in advance and explain that you want the absolute minimum, so no family just two casual friends. Finding out later that someone close has married secretly can be devastating .

I think people choose whether or not to be hurt for something like that. If my son told me he had got married I would be briefly a bit sad he hadn’t told me they were getting married but then would rationalise that it’s not about me and be pleased they had got married and not decided not to bother because they didn’t want a fuss and also didn’t want to upset people

You could get married and just let it slip much later

Why would it be devastating. That’s just silly. Marriage is far more than a wedding

Telling people in advance defeats the purpose.

There's nothing wrong with eloping / marrying privately. It's about the couple, not the spectators.

Ok, well you should know this then - it IS a big event. Celebrating it on a very small scale is absolutely fine, but getting married will never be considered a small event by your immediate family.

You should still celebrate, or otherwise, in the way that works for you though. It's your wedding.

I am glad you're not going to ask. I'd be super offended by that. I wouldn't mind my adult kids getting married without me there (well I would mind tbh but I wouldn't create a fuss and I'd get over it) but I would think it was a real slap in the face to be asked to babysit so they could go ahead with a hugely important event (which getting married is) without me.

You have every right to choose the wedding you want. But you don’t have a right to demand that people aren’t hurt by it.

We did this. Things to know:

1. You have to know your two witnesses. You cannot use strangers. At your interview, the registrar will tell you this when you describe your plans.

We didn’t get that memo. Never met the two witnesses before the ceremony, nor since.

Essentially, marriage is a legal contract that provides financial benefits to both parties.

You should do it quietly if you that’s how you want to do it.

I’d do it with two witnesses and not tell anyone before or after. Don’t change your name, don’t wear a ring. Nobody gets put out because they’re not invited when you go and sign your will at the solicitors.

You don't have to provide any parental information, we didn't and we got married fairly recently

I got married this year mainly for IHT reasons. We’ve been together a long time but never bothered about it before.

We grabbed 2 random witnesses. I don’t think anyone we know, including our families, have any idea we’re married.

We used 2 complete strangers we grabbed off the street about 5 mins beforehand. The only restriction we were told about was that the registry office staff weren’t permitted to act as witnesses.

You do have to say I will, I am or I do, can't recall which now. But that's it.

To those who have said it's a very cold paper signing experience - ours wasn't at all.

The registrar was so very welcoming, checking were we sure we didn't want music, say our own vows, etc. She asked a little about our history together and said a few introductory words to our group - we did have 11 guests. I thought it would be very formal and minimal but it was far from that.

Please don't let anyone here put you off from what you both want to do.

Two things:
The marriage is the important thing so the decision to enter into marriage is important and that decision occurs at the marriage ceremony however pared back it is.

second you are making promises to each other financially as that is the legal obligation of marriage but do you also expect to care for each other and not sleep with other people in which case that’s also a promise albeit unspoken. And there’s something important about making those promises out loud in front of witnesses who know and love you. It helps when times get tough as they generally do for most couples at some point.
just another opinion but good luck whatever you decide.

My son and daughter in law did this. They told us about it the night before. They went after work, DS took his gran as a witness, DDIL (no family in the UK) a close friend.
They'd lived together for years, but wanted legal security. We didn't mind at all. Why should we? It's the finding each other and making a life together that's a life changing event, the marriage ceremony is just a legal formality.

My parents eloped, I eloped and DD2 has just eloped.

We all had different days (DD2 wore a traditional wedding dress and Laboutins, I wore a party dress and my parents got married in their work uniforms as it was their lunch break!) and they were all equally special.

The only person who’s complained about as my new SILs mum, she blamed my daughter for the elopement and has been particularly nasty.

The only thing I will say is that you either need everyone or no-one when it comes to guests. I would have been very hurt if DD2 had invited her new in-laws and not us or vice versa.

They’ll never talk to you again! Be warned.

I agree.

i loathe huge Hollywood weddings. I completely support the idea of couples having the wedding they want and not feeling pressure to conform to other people’s expectations, but I also know that it’s difficult to achieve this without hurting very close family.

You just have to make the right choice for you.

If it’s just signing paperwork, have you considered a civil partnership? All the same legal protections but without the emotive ‘getting married’ language which might stir people up.

Weddings do seem to bring out the worst in people, don't they?
Whether it's a big one with a bridezilla or crazy guests, or a little one where the couple just want to tie the knot in peace.
One of my children eloped ( I had a notion that it was in the offing) and I was absolutely delighted that they'd done things their way. They came back all smiley and with a load of lovely photos.

And quite honestly if one of them asked me to watch GC so they could nip out and get married without fuss, it would be fine with me. The fact that we are all comfortable and get on well with each other really helps.
I hope you have the wedding you want @narnia2025 and have a long and happy marriage 💗

If you have a child together definitely get married, asap

Ask a third person along to watch your child for 30 mins while you do the legal stuff.

No need to tell anyone unless they ask.

I may be an outlier but I would not be upset if my daughter did this and we are very close. She has been with her partner a very long time and they have two children. I know she would like to be married but they do not want a big traditional wedding for a few reasons, one being financial. I would be more than happy to babysit while they went off to the registrars so it may not be seen as unkind by your MIL. I'd probably suggest they take some time after to go out for a nice meal together if they wanted.

The only thing may be telling one parent and not the other. I think my daughter's MIL might understandably feel a bit miffed if I was "in on the secret" but not her. I would possibly find that a little hard the other way round. But I'd get over it because its not about me.

Could you say to your parents or family that that is your general plan at some point? To go off and get married in 10 minutes with no fuss. Then when it happens they have been forewarned.