Possible to not upset people over getting married without any family

[narnia2025]

We are planning to get married next year. We want to do a no thrills statutory wedding . Can only have two witnesses. Not even able to have dc there due to restrictions. So to not upset people we are thinking of having non family there so a co worker of dp and a friend of mine. We have even considered having random people from local fb page etc.

although I very much want to do it this way. I’m slightly worried that it is gonna cause fall out and upset especially dp family. Has anyone got married and not had family there? Was there fall out? Was everyone ok with it?

You can get married in a register office and invite guests, it just costs more.
The statutory ceremony with 2 witnesses and no other guests is the absolute cheap, basic ceremony. It’s still a legal ceremony.
It’s like comparing Harrods to Lidl.
I would not ask either of your parents to babysit, just get another babysitter.

We eloped - got married with two witnesses who we didn't know, and had a fabulous day 😃

So keep your birth name and no one needs to know.

You could double barrel your name officially but not tell other people that either in day to day life.

I think you will get less pushback if you have the party some months after the ceremony and tell people then.

It’s not a big event. What we are doing can not be even considered the same as a wedding. It is literally like registering a baby what we are doing.

dp was the one who suggested asking his mum.

i am considering just not doing it to not cause issues even though we do actually want to be married.

I don’t see why babysitting for someone to get married would be worse than babysitting for them to go out to lunch tbh.

I think if you are doing it as a contract, signing the paper to become a legally constituted partnership, there’s no need to invite anyone any more than you would invite them to watch you sign a car finance deal etc.

Make no fuss or fanfare, don’t expect wedding presents, etc.

Are you both double-barrelling your names? Anyone can do that anyway, married or not.

DH and I did this! Had two local friends as our witnesses. Told close family and some friends beforehand but very much an FYI — then invited local friends to a party at our house that weekend, and met up in a pub with my family on a separate occasion. (Didn’t do anything with DH’s family because I left it to him to organise and he’s rubbish at that sort of thing!) Having said that, neither DH’s parents nor mine are around, so not inviting family was relatively easy; I think my parents might have been hurt had they still been alive.

We eloped- hired a beautiful castle in Scotland but did have a lovely wedding- just had my mum, daughter and one of my best friends (mostly all so daughter could be there as booked for just the two of us then realised I could not do it without her) and it was amazing. Do not regret it at all and I can’t say it has caused an issue with family but then I don’t think weddings are a big deal for most of my family and we did tell my family what we were doing.

Re point 6. Mother's details are on the new style marriage certificates.

That’s great. We both thought it was antediluvian when we got married in 2012.

‘In sickness and in health’ etc is taken from a religious ceremony and is definitely not allowed in a civil ceremony.
As you say, in a legally civil marriage ceremony (such as one in a Register Office) there are 2 sets of wording. One to say you’re free to marry (which can be done as a simple response ‘I am’) and the other to marry each other - ‘I [name] take you [name] to be my wedded wife/husband’.

I eloped and had no family or friends there, just us and two witnesses we didn’t know. We told our families beforehand, but if they were upset they didn’t show it. We had a big meal a few weeks later, had all the family there, wore our ‘wedding’ outfits and did some speeches (no fake ceremony though). No regrets at all and we’ve been married 10 years now, perfect start for us. Just do it if you’re sure it’s what you want. You can explain to them why you want that kind of wedding, it’s your day, not theirs.

It’s your day, not theirs. Wise words.

We did this, but had our adult DC as witnesses and then announced it afterwards. I really wouldn't tell anyone before, if you are certain you don't want any family there.

We only had one negative reaction and that was from DH's Auntie. She was very upset and upset on his parent's behalf too, even though they were happy for us. She didn't send us a card and removed us from her Christmas card list too 😂

We had the most amazing day, then went to work the day after and definitely didn't feel flat!

So many people said to us that they wished they had done the same, but had had big weddings to please other people.

I would have two strangers as witnesses. If it’s people you know, then you could’ve chosen your mothers - that’s how they’ll see it.

As we pointed out to both our mothers, no matter what we asked, they both would have shown up and been teary that it was a low-key ten-minute ceremony, not an extravaganza in a church with 200 guests and a hotel meal.

I just didn’t need that kind of fuss, so we asked two resting actor friends who were free at short notice in the middle of the day and who weren’t going sit dabbing their eyes because it wasn’t the white wedding they’d dreamed of.

I'm not sure if you can still do this, as we had to send the names of our witnesses in advance.

It IS a big event, if you are celebrating on a very small scale. Getting married is one of the biggest events there is.

It is not literally like registering a baby. At all.

It would be incredibly rude to ask anybody to babysit to the big event they are not invited to.

As I said, do what you choose, grey rock them, do not get involved in arguments, no matter what you do they will find a reason to moan as people do about weddings.

But it would be utterly rude and dreadful to ask them to babysit for the big event they're not invited to.

I have no idea why you seem to have doubled down on this but be aware that it is not ok.

My advice, as someone who so wanted this, many moons ago - is do the wedding at the registrar as planned - 2 witnesses - and then have a party at another date - or same date - your choice

We decided to get wed, he wanted his brother, I wanted my sister , and then it just blew up. Mother found out, then it was a whole handling

Do your wedding YOUR way

Tell anyone else you care to tell - AFTER

YOU think it’s a big event. I don’t. Our relationship, which had pre-existed our marriage by many years, was and is important. The wedding absolutely was not. Neither of us even remember the month, far less the day. It was a legal undertaking, like making a will or taking on a mortgage.

We got married in the US, no witnesses required. Had a bit of a party when we got back - fait accompli by then.

DSis got married with just the parents invited - didn’t tell them beforehand, just said wear something nice for a posh lunch.

we aren’t even celebrating after. We are literally going to the same place you register a baby, into the same office saying a couple of words and signing a paper. It is not an event.

we won’t ask his mum. But it really isn’t this big event.

So you've decided to rudely ask someone to babysit for a huge life event that they are not invited to. You are pretending to not understand that it IS a huge life event.

But you are also pretending that you care about their feelings.

Right you are. You might as well just take the post down then, you have everything sorted.

I do care. I have said we we won’t ask.
I am really worried about other peoples reactions to the point I have considered not doing something that I want to do ( the being married, the getting married isn’t the important thing to me it’s being his wife)

i care a lot. I was arguing at the big event thing as it isn’t that to me but I am trying to cause a huge thing for something that to us is literally just signing the paperwork.

genuinely considering now just not getting married as this thread as shown that it probably will just cause hassle we don’t want.